Have you ever been told you’re too serious?

[Midnights11]

So, people think I have no sense of humor at all because of how intellectual and quiet I am. I may not prefer the subject of what everyone else is laughing at for the moment, but I’ll laugh when I’m watching something I enjoy, like at the older Disney sitcoms (The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Wizards of Waverly Place) for example. I know that not showing expressions and emotion on the outside is one of the common features of being autistic. But what a lot of people don’t realize is I try my best to be happy on the inside. I wish my grandfather understood this. He’s always cracking jokes to get me to smile. Which I don’t mind, but I’m not mad at the world like people believe either. I’m pretty sure autistic humor is, idk more choosy and selective? And ironically neurotypicals don’t always agree with what we find funny. Also because I have a trauma history of bullying, I don’t prefer loud laughter because I’m too used to having people laugh AT me.

 

[Rodafina]

I can understand this. I can be very silly, but it’s not always at the same time as those around me. And in reverse, I am sometimes feeling very serious when those around me seem jovial and ready to make jokes.

I think I definitely experience the same range of emotions from serious to silly as others, it just seems to be a mismatch on timing and topic.

 

[Midnights11]

I can understand this. I can be very silly, but it’s not always at the same time as those around me. And in reverse, I am sometimes feeling very serious when those around me seem jovial and ready to make jokes.

I think I definitely experience the same range of emotions from serious to silly as others, it just seems to be a mismatch on timing and topic.

Agreed. It definitely is about a mismatch on timing

 

[Sherlock77]

Guilty as charged... I rarely smile and rarely express emotions...

But that is pretty much just me, I don't really worry about it

 

[Luca]

It always baffles me when people think I'm too serious or have no sense of humor, because although I'm certainly capable of discussing complex and kind of cynical topics, I'm one of the least serious people ever and humor is a huge part of my everyday life.

It really depends on who you ask. Some of my friends would say I'm the funniest person they know, and some people would say my jokes completely miss the mark and I'm just cynical and grumpy.

I do find that autistic people understand some of my jokes better than some other people, because I'm really into wordplay and puns, and I'm often told that I have a "dry" sense of humor. I find shock value humor and toilet humor pretty funny as well, even though I'm an adult female. I just know that fart and poop jokes aren't really acceptable for the general population lol

 

[AspieChris]

Humor is subjective. I laugh at farts. My wife thinks they’re disgusting. We’re both right. It’s funny to me, not funny to her.

The problem is when one person feels entitled to tell another person what they should think, including what should be funny or entertaining. It’s not limited to NT’s vs ASD. It’s just anyone who is determined to tell you how you should feel.

(For the record…. farts are gross, but funny to me )

 

[DaisyRose]

All the time. I can’t help that I take things seriously it’s just my nature. I also struggle with some sarcasm as well. It’s hard to tell if people are joking with me or not. We all have different ways to express ourselves in our own unique ways.

 

[Rodafina]

Humor is subjective. I laugh at farts. My wife thinks they’re disgusting. We’re both right. It’s funny to me, not funny to her.

I mostly agree, but it has been objectively proven time and time again that farts are absolutely, definitely funny.

Spoiler

joke

 

[LadyS]

Retort for those who have rudely called me out for not falling in line with the rest of em:

"I'd laugh but I'm still waiting for you to be funny."

(In my head )

 

[Jumpinbare]

All the time, for as long as I remember (I'm 65). Lately, a long time friend nearly always tells me I am joking at inappropriate times, then turns around and chides me for not having a sense of humor, because I don't outwardly guffaw at something funny. I try to tell him something is indeed very funny to me, but laughing out loud isn't something that happens often with me. Just as my humor tends to be very dry, my reaction to humor is similarly "dry"

 

[Au Naturel]

So, people think I have no sense of humor at all because of how intellectual and quiet I am. I may not prefer the subject of what everyone else is laughing at for the moment, but I’ll laugh when I’m watching something I enjoy, like at the older Disney sitcoms (The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Wizards of Waverly Place) for example. I know that not showing expressions and emotion on the outside is one of the common features of being autistic. But what a lot of people don’t realize is I try my best to be happy on the inside. I wish my grandfather understood this. He’s always cracking jokes to get me to smile. Which I don’t mind, but I’m not mad at the world like people believe either. I’m pretty sure autistic humor is, idk more choosy and selective? And ironically neurotypicals don’t always agree with what we find funny. Also because I have a trauma history of bullying, I don’t prefer loud laughter because I’m too used to having people laugh AT me.

All the time. Sometimes, when I'm cracking what is (to me) an obvious joke, They'll treat it seriously.

 

[Knower of nothing]

Recently I've gotten "you never laugh at jokes" comments from people. I know of the polite laugh because it can hurt to say a joke to dead silence, but I'm often barely keeping up in conversation as is so it's just too much to ask for anything but a reflexive real laugh when it does happen. It's not fun to be made to be self-conscious about your every minute reaction. Always has to be pointed out, always highlighted. It makes me sad even people close to me can't help but do this.
As for true laughing, I laugh till I cry at least once a week, I'm good on that front. I just don't like that people want me to perform for them. I only become less likely to laugh as it goes on because it's a mood killer. There's an archetype in cartoons of these stone-faced people that barely smile but aren't unfriendly and they aren't hassled for it, just allowed to be real. What a dream.

 

[Progster]

I have always struggled with banter. I just can't do it. So people might think I'm too serious, or that I don't have a sense of humour. I do - I just can't do banter, it doesn't come naturally to me like it does to other people. Slow processing/not understanding. It's kind of expected in social groups too, it's one reason I don't fit in with friend groups.

 

[Jacks Brain]

You aren't too serious, they aren't serious enough.

 

[Au Naturel]

I have always struggled with banter. I just can't do it. So people might think I'm too serious, or that I don't have a sense of humour. I do - I just can't do banter, it doesn't come naturally to me like it does to other people. Slow processing/not understanding. It's kind of expected in social groups too, it's one reason I don't fit in with friend groups.

That is one of the definitional traits of autism. If you do banter easily, if you fit in with social groups, you may still have some kind of neurodiversity but it ain't autism.

 

[Hypnalis]

IMO our humor isn't too far from NT norms. But I don't think it works well through an Aspie mask.

All humor is situational - context and timing are critical. This seems to be a weak area of "standard masking".

 

[Aspychata]

First, everybody thinks l should be more serious, and they are quite shocked to find l can totally operate within logical parameters. I can pretty much turn any situation into a humorous spin. And have. Usually l get away with it. When my friends are depressed, we have the serious talk, and soon l have them laughing. Because sometimes you just have to step back, and just see how ironic life truly is.

 

[CountryGirl]

Yes i am serious and i dont laugh

but im not unhappy

I just dont have that same social/emotional reaction that others have
i dont even smile much only when greeting people but its a forced smile and yes i know im smiling sort of in my profile pic but its still not often

even at funny movies i dont laugh.If others laugh i might just give a little smile and thats it

So no i dont laugh ever

 

[Misty Avich]

That is one of the definitional traits of autism. If you do banter easily, if you fit in with social groups, you may still have some kind of neurodiversity but it ain't autism.

I can do banter. I enjoy it. I guess I'm not so good at giving a good response other than a laugh. But I do laugh.
I understand what banter means. For example when I was leaving my last job one of my colleagues (who always joked around) said "come here you bastard!" and gave me a hug, then said that she hoped I'd hate my new job. But I knew that what she was really saying was "congratulations on your new job, I'm sorry to see you go but I hope all goes well". I just laughed. I don't generally take things literally.

 

[Misty Avich]

I laugh a lot. When I was a kid I used to whinge a lot, but I did also laugh a lot too and had a funny personality and sense of humour...usually. But when I got to a teenager I tried to whinge less and laugh more. But obviously people didn't like that either and called me a baby for "laughing at everything". So I couldn't win.

I've learnt to regulate myself more now, although I still do sometimes laugh at things that aren't funny to others.

Sometimes when I'm laughing with other people I wonder why we as humans laugh at such things. For example one time when I was getting a cold, along with my family, but I kept denying it (this was way before covid happened). Then a friend of my mum's came round and my mum said that we were all having cold symptoms then added "I can see Misty is getting a cold but she won't admit it". Both me and my mum's friend looked at each other and laughed not just at the way my mum said it so dryly but just at the situation. Why was it funny? Because we're humans lol.