Has anyone else decided they don't want children?

[Mattymatt]

And the sad irony of it is, is that it's resulting in people having kids when they aren't ready to have them. Resulting in the family being overburden just to fulfill a social/cultural obligation. But then again, sociality expects women to look as beautiful as those on the cover of a magazine. Not realizing that that's impossible because that picture has been photoshopped.

Clearly my parents were woefully unprepared!

 

[Metalhead]

I did not have good examples of parenting in my family when I was growing up. The thought of me carrying that down to another generation is a good enough reason for me to not raise a child, if that makes any sense.

 

[Tom]

I suppose we could also try carrying them till the 57th trimester. Then they would be born as an adult.

 

[Lichi]

I suppose we could also try carrying them till the 57th trimester. Then they would be born as an adult.

It doesn't help much when the majority of people reproducing are the ones who shouldn't have.

 

[SunnyDay16]

No because I was never a kid's person. I never really understood people finding babies or young kids "cute". I found them, and still find them, noisy and a nuisance. I don't think I would have the patience either.

 

[SunnyDay16]

It's good to see that I am not really alone. In the NT world, I am considered a monster because I don't want children of my own and I don't particularly like them due to the noise and tremendously high energy.

There's lots of NTs that don't want children. It's definitely still frowned upon by people, but our society has gotten more open-minded regarding the choice to have, or not to have, children. I personally find it silly to pressure people who clearly don't want kids or feel they aren't suited for kids into having them. Some people just aren't meant to have kids, period.

 

[Meistersinger]

Even before I was diagnosed, I never wanted children. Considering the way I was raised (Spare the rod, spoil the child, as well as what Dr. James Dobson espouses regarding child-rearing), I’d be on death row, since my idea of child discipline is the death penalty for even the mildest infraction. In addition, a bawling, screaming child at the top their lungs makes me want to kill then even more. And people wonder why I don’t leave the house?

 

[Noelle]

I agree with most of the responses here. I've never wanted children for all the same reasons. Being childless is an absolute gift for a woman.

 

[midlife aspie]

I didn't want them either, but ET couldn't fly home without lightening his load a bit......
Maybe I should call the Weekly World News.

 

[Gracey]

The fantastic thing about being autie is taking all the experiences you hated when growing up and changing them for your own children.

First hand knowledge to be able to understand how they’re feeling(?) and how to better equip them for their journey ahead

If I knew back then what I know now I’ve often wondered if I would choose to be the best I could be in a career instead.
That choice isn’t before me so I really couldn’t say.

I think choosing not to have children is becoming more acceptable these days.
People aren’t labled as ‘monsters’ for not doing so,
It’s a personal choice to be respected not rejected.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

In my opinion, our society is killing any diversity of thought , I mean, the only thing we actually can be open about our origin color and sexual orientation, this is getting even more protected by the law.

But when it comes to the rest, all the invisible differences , what many of us " suffer" from here, our society is getting realy hard. It looks soft but , leaving as undiagnosed is like walking in twited corridor with no end and no perspective, and I guess living as diagnosed since you are a kid may be even more complicated sometimes when you know why you feel rejected , or when you want to get out of the place the society gave you.

This is mainly because of what society has become in the west, being functionnal is not enought now.

My opinion is that autistic people on the functionnal end of the spectrum have always been part of society, but now society feels so harsh for this part of the community that many doesnt want to even have children anymore.

Dont hear me wrong I respect that choice, in term of probability this may be a smart move to not have children, Even me I hesitate a lot, what world will we give to the next generation , a society plunged in civil war in a world fighting to get the last ressources ?

Maybe we should let our society and generation giving up on life and ruining the planet, life will rise once again for sure.

But, I feel like, to some degree giving up on having a child is like giving up on life,society is crushing our mind and hopes ,but I dont have the right togive up, this is not even something I get to decide.

If we let the part of the society we think responsible on top of it , (and even on a natality point of view this matter), it will only be worst.

 

[GrownupGirl]

I find it amazing that anyone on the spectrum can stand the sensory issues babies and children give them. The screeching and constant constant crying, the bad smells, the lack of ability to hold their food, the not exactly being Einstein in diapers. It's even harder to believe it if the parent had the child on purpose. In spite of our reputation as animal lovers, some people on the spectrum find it too hard to even handle house pets.
I'm never even going to get married, let alone have kids.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

the not exactly being Einstein in diapers.

Production starts Monday.

Should get 5 seasons out of it.

 

[Voltaic]

I can't take care of myself let alone a kid.

 

[Sabrina]

While growing up I always used to make mental notes of what would I do when I had kids. I guess I always wanted them, and never pictured my life without them.

 

[Alis1998]

It may be good to really wait for a while after the first, to see if they are on the spectrum. Multiple NT children does increase the workload, but multiple kids on the spectrum can be quickly overwhelming. Its more then just considering 'workload' of course, but the real point is feeling out what you can manage, one step at a time. If you become chronically over-taxed it will effect everyone in time.

Tbh not every autistic child is the same. Besides that, not every job would be overwhelming for an autistic person. It really depends actually on activitys in the daily work of a person. Also on how the person itself copes with their struggles.
I dont want to say you are wrong, but it isnt completly true either. And here, there arent alot of taxes where I live in general. I found it quite hilarisch actually that people act that people with autism "cant" work.
I worked since I was 13, and only with one job out of the 6 I had was overwhelming for me because it was against my own norms of how a job should be in that branche and an ignorant manager.
It is also okay to not work fulltime. I dont work the typicall 38/40 hourse a week either. Besides that, children cost a lot, but I have a normall salary. Besides the usual income there is the pgb from the goverment. An "income" for therapy sessions and other treatments for autism.

 

[FreeDiver]

But, I feel like, to some degree giving up on having a child is like giving up on life,society is crushing our mind and hopes ,but I dont have the right togive up, this is not even something I get to decide.

If we let the part of the society we think responsible on top of it , (and even on a natality point of view this matter), it will only be worst.

I don't think that societal pressures are the reason here. I think it's sensory issues more then anything. I mean seriously, who the hell wants to be woke-up at 3 o'clock in the morning to a screaming kid?

 

[Iamnotarabot]

I don't think that societal pressures are the reason here. I think it's sensory issues more then anything. I mean seriously, who the hell wants to be woke-up at 3 o'clock in the morning to a screaming kid?

Well, looking at the bigger picture, many here doesnt want to have a kid , not because of the sensory thing, I mean this is something you can work on anyway with your environnement and when you have a kid supposivly you live with someone else right.

Overall, we feel that we dont belong here, that this society isnt made for us , in addition with family dysfunctions , specific social problems and rejection, it pushes you in a corner where you just want/can care about yourself becaus you have no energy/motivation to do more anyway, overwhelmed with your personnal problems, and many of them are created by the problematic interractions we have with society.



I dont think you make the precise decision of not having kids because " they are too noisy", its more like the cherry on top of this cake full of crap that is life especially when you have ASD, than the root of the problem.

And even for NTs society doesnt promote to have kid anymore in the west , its all consumption, self focus on carrier and personal achievements.

This society is more and more toxic for life in general, and people more sensitive like us are maybe first to jump off that train , NT will get it sooner or later anyway. ( I hope.)

Edit : Maybe im projecting my own feeling here, surely, but I think that this is also what many here think.

 

[HidinginPlainSight]

I am just curious how many other folks out there have decided against having children. I know that I have because I wouldn't want to put anyone through the kind of hell that I had to go through as a child and adult. There is too great a chance for me passing autism on to a child and it's probably best for me to end my lineage with me. I don't see myself even adopting because I struggle to take care of myself, let alone a young one in need of care. The world is overpopulated anyway and there is no compelling need for us as a species to reproduce like rabbits.

-

I am autistic, and I have also raised my son as a single parent. He can be quite emotional and is quite NT. He has friends, connections and ways of interacting with people I don't have. The most difficult part is not being able to relate on an emotional level. His feelings matter to me, but I have no way of dealing with him on an emotional level.

It's not all bad though. It's actually, likely, the only positive part of my life. I am able to give advice in a detached way and in some ways this is beneficial in parenting. Children also react well to structure and routine. This behavior comes naturally to me and provides a sense of stability.

He's 20 right now and has been realizing, over the past few years, that there is something not quite right about me. I have told him a bit about how I don't see the world like most people but I haven't yet said anything about being autistic. I don't really think parents and children need to interact on an equal level, so I likely never will say anything.

In any event, it's not all bad and, even with this condition, we are able to raise fully functioning and productive children.

 

[Mattymatt]

Well, looking at the bigger picture, many here doesnt want to have a kid , not because of the sensory thing, I mean this is something you can work on anyway with your environnement and when you have a kid supposivly you live with someone else right.

Overall, we feel that we dont belong here, that this society isnt made for us , in addition with family dysfunctions , specific social problems and rejection, it pushes you in a corner where you just want/can care about yourself becaus you have no energy/motivation to do more anyway, overwhelmed with your personnal problems, and many of them are created by the problematic interractions we have with society.



I dont think you make the precise decision of not having kids because " they are too noisy", its more like the cherry on top of this cake full of crap that is life especially when you have ASD, than the root of the problem.

And even for NTs society doesnt promote to have kid anymore in the west , its all consumption, self focus on carrier and personal achievements.

This society is more and more toxic for life in general, and people more sensitive like us are maybe first to jump off that train , NT will get it sooner or later anyway. ( I hope.)

Edit : Maybe im projecting my own feeling here, surely, but I think that this is also what many here think.

Actually this is quite insightful so I gave you a winner rating. Navigating life as an Autistic person is sadly all consuming and leaves me totally exhausted at the end of the day. The world pushes us into a corner and wants us out of sight and out of mind; the world is not only not designed for us, but is almost (if not outright) hostile. The effort just to pass leaves me exhausted, despondent, and demoralized.