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Friends or no friends??

I have a few online friends and one "real life" friend that I hang out with sometimes... not often... other than that, I consider my brothers to be my friends, though my older brother isn't very social and my little brother is always on his phone or listening to music. I don't mind not having very many friends in real life, but I'd like more online friends.
 
I have a couple of friends. A few from childhood, one TRUE friend from high school (others were fake) also I have people I know connected on Facebook, and a couple of friends in college. At times, I felt left out, especially in high school.
 
Well after today I officially have no friends anymore, I arranged to meet my only friend tonight and i messaged him to make sure we are still ok to meet and nothing! I've rang also and no answer. This is the third time in a row he has done this and he just says he's sorry he fell asleep, so now I wont bother anymore! It takes a lot of energy to try and get through my mental barriers to even leave the house in the first place to go and do something that is out of my routine.
 
One friend. One friend in real life, that is. Not counting you guys here.

Used to have more. Usually they moved :unhappy:, and I just never made new ones.
I seriously never expected my remaining friendship to last, but now that it's been three and a half years :bounce: it's clear that it's a lasting thing. Neither of us is likely to move, so that aspect of it is good.
 
Drake Marino said:
People on the autism spectrum generally have little to no friends due to our brains being wired differently from that of a NT person. Thus, that leads to us having difficulty communicating with them. It does get easier as you get older, IF you put in the effort it takes to get there. It's not going to magically happen once you reach a certain age. I didn't have my first friendship until 6th grade, so I've been a loner most of my life. In 6th grade I had no idea whatsoever how to connect with people, and I was too afraid to even say so much as hi to someone. Now in 10th grade, I'd say my social skills are much better, but it took a lot of trial and error, embarrassing moments, and frustration to get even this far, and I still have quite a bit of trouble in certain social situations.
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I'm the same way, though it's taken me until college to get anywhere with my efforts. I'm now at the much more difficult step of "social finesse and expressiveness." As much as people hated my excessiveness when I was a child, not being expressive enough is having the same result.
 
Having scanned over the posts in this thread, I'm rather surprised at how many people here have had friends. I've never had a single one. The one time I tried to get one was in the middle of my nervous breakdown; and needless to say, the attempt blew up in my face. Honestly, I kind of feel like an outsider even here, among other outsiders, ha ha.

Don't get me wrong, it's a mixed blessing being unique. Most people struggle to distinguish themselves; I struggle to belong anywhere, and uniformly fail whenever I try. But if a lot of this sounds pessimistic and self-deprecatory, I'm actually very happy with who I am. In spite of the difficulties, I wouldn't have it any other way. Life isn't perfect, but I'd say I'm definitely one of the more fortunate ones.
 
I'm not even certain what a friend is but as one poster put it, it can be a regional issue. Living in the country, yeah, not many people around. Big city, plenty of people, most likely even an aspie can find friends. Currently I don't have friends. It's from living in the middle of nowhere and I don't know how to go about finding people.
 
jimited said:
Well after today I officially have no frirends anymore, I arranged to meet my only friend tonight and i messaged him to make sure we are still ok to meet and nothing! I've rang also and no answer. This is the third time in a row he has done this and he just says he's sorry he fell asleep, so now I wont bother anymore! It takes a lot of energy to try and get through my mental barriers to even leave the house in the first place to go and do something that is out of my routine.
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I was wondering...is this friend an Aspie? I know that I get overwhelmed to the point that I can't be the friend I should be. I used to make up excuses because I was so embarrassed that I kept cancelling, and I didn't know how to explain what was going on with me. Once I told my two best friends that I have Asperger's and Social Anxiety Disorder, and they understood that I wasn't trying to get rid of them, they were fine with it. They do still worry if I'm out of touch too long, so I try to call or text them every couple of weeks. I find it much easier to be friends with them now that they understand I need a lot of alone time.
 
I seem to make one or two friends in any long term environment I am in (i.e. school, church, work), but I loose them as soon as I no longer interact with them in that environment. And when I say they are friends, it's not like I engaged with them outside of that place, they're someone to talk to and sit with while we happen to be together. I very seldom have someone I can call on for a coffee or a meal.

I have a habit of "burning bridges" too. I understand this can be an aspie trait.
 
Christy said:
I seem to make one or two friends in any long term environment I am in (i.e. school, church, work), but I loose them as soon as I no longer interact with them in that environment. And when I say they are friends, it's not like I engaged with them outside of that place, they're someone to talk to and sit with while we happen to be together. I very seldom have someone I can call on for a coffee or a meal.

I have a habit of "burning bridges" too. I understand this can be an aspie trait.
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I'm the same way. I'm friendly with people while I'm around them, but that's about it. I'm a definite bridge-burner, too.

I see how other people on this board befriend each other, and that seems weird to me. I couldn't imagine having that kind of interaction (dare I say "connection") with someone, here or anywhere.
 
God I haven't posted on here in a long time.

I've got some close friends (although they live miles away) who I speak to a lot face to face (I'm up there a lot during weekends etc) but other communication is quite limited. At the moment although completely untrue I'm finding it hard to find time for myself so I'm not really replying to peoples text's or calls.

I sympathize with the bridge burning comments, I've done this many times.. sometimes you don't even realise it's happened until it's staring at you in the face.

Would love to make some more friends but I find "New people" conversation really dry, like "What you up to?" "going out this weekend?" that sorta stuff almost cringe worthy. What does one say to a person to make conversation :S
 
I have no long term close friends. A few years ago I was encouraged by my psychologist to try and make friends. The idea was to start by looking at people in my immediate social circle and trying to get to know them better. To cut a long story short - it didn't end well. I was attending a church at the time and tried to make friends with some of the other men there. This actually went quite well until i started voicing doubts about what the church was teaching, then they all dumped me! What I learned from this is that a lot of friendships are conditional. They are rather like being colleagues.

I do have a fiancee and we are getting married next year. This is my second marriage. I must have some social skills. Anyway I have someone to marry, but no "best man" for the wedding. Seriously considering hiring someone.
 
Gordy said:
I do have a fiancee and we are getting married next year. This is my second marriage. I must have some social skills. Anyway I have someone to marry, but no "best man" for the wedding. Seriously considering hiring someone.
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I'm not sure if this would work for you, but the "best man" doesn't necessarily have to be a man.
 
For me I never really had any friends at school, in work I feel they are more associates than friends. I have always found starting a conversation difficult.
If I did have any friends they just seam to drift away, it would be fair to say I would not know if they were my friends or not.

By joining he forum I am hoping to develop my social communication skills. I have noticed a caring side to me but not known how to show it.
 
Hello Warwick,

I know how you feel. The one thing I do have is a very caring partner - my only friend - how did that happen?
Something of a miracle really.

I am involved in music and meet a lot of people, but I would never go to the pub afterwards or know what to say in a social situation.
I suppose I just don't understand what friendship is or know why anyone would want to be involved with me.
I am in my own bubble.

We joke at home that I extend my bubble a bit and allow it to join my fiancees bubble and then in our joint bubble we go out and do things together. I find that this way of looking at it helps. It feels safer somehow.
 
Thanks for that Gordy.

At the moment I am looking at things with an open mind, and started to go to a drop in group meeting. In time I want to expand on the drop in group meetings. I am looking forward to the opportunity to meet Laughingowl at the next drop in group meeting next Tuesday (That we discovered we both may have been at the last one).
I am just looking to take things one step at a time.
 
MoCoffee said:
I was wondering...is this friend an Aspie? I know that I get overwhelmed to the point that I can't be the friend I should be. I used to make up excuses because I was so embarrassed that I kept cancelling, and I didn't know how to explain what was going on with me. Once I told my two best friends that I have Asperger's and Social Anxiety Disorder, and they understood that I wasn't trying to get rid of them, they were fine with it. They do still worry if I'm out of touch too long, so I try to call or text them every couple of weeks. I find it much easier to be friends with them now that they understand I need a lot of alone time.
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No he is not an Aspie, in fact I would say he is the polar opposite, he is probably the most sociable person I know.
 
i never had friends, and i'm 47. dont even want face to face friends, or even over the phone. hey, what's wrong with online friends? they're the best. my parents tried forcing me to make friends, which, of course, made matters worse...
 
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