DogwoodTree
Still here...
If it is any comfort to you as you wonder about and seek connection, remember that we are all in this together.
In some ways, this is true...we're all having a similar set of experiences. Someone said this to me a couple of weeks ago, that I'm not going through this alone...that lots of other people are struggling, and many are struggling with the same things that I am.
But that's like telling an island sitting isolated in the middle of the Pacific that it's not alone since there are thousands of other islands in the vast Pacific Ocean. Yes, that might be true. But each island is alone in its own experience, no matter how similar its experience is to that of others.
NTs, when they're struggling, can share their struggles with others who have gone through something similar, and they feel connected in the struggle. They feel some satisfaction and comfort from that connection. Suffering can draw them closer to each other (although, of course, sometimes that process goes wrong).
But I don't experience that sense of camaraderie. My thoughts are calmed sometimes when I come here and y'all understand what I'm talking about even if I don't explain it well. Sometimes I can even talk about struggles with PTSD recovery, and someone here will "get it." That's validating, and I'm grateful for it. But I don't feel "connected" in it.
I don't feel rejected here, and that's saying a lot compared to how I feel in most groups IRL that I've tried to be a part of. But there's still not a sense of emotional connection...of being known...of being loved for who I am. (And to be fair, a lot of that struggle, I think, has as much to do with my trauma background as with AS. I think I never learned how to receive love for being who I am.)