DogwoodTree
Still here...
Do you ever feel "connected" with other people?
I watch other people interact with each other, and it seems so fulfilling for them...so satisfying. They really seem to enjoy it. But no matter what I do, or how I go about trying to connect with others, I don't feel what they seem to be feeling. I don't feel fulfilled. I don't feel "connected."
I always thought everyone was faking it--that everyone was pretending to enjoy being with people, because that's how you're supposed to show that you care for someone. So I tried to fake it, too. And I do a pretty good job of faking it.
But based on what people are telling me now that I've discovered this AS component...they're not actually faking it. They actually do enjoy being with each other. They get some kind of emotional consummation through the interaction. I keep wanting this experience...I keep pursuing it...I keep needing it. But I never get it. I've tried to do all the right things. It just doesn't work for me.
Does this make sense to anyone else? I'm not sure if this is AS, or a deficit caused by my trauma background, or what.
It feels like I don't have love receptors. I can send it out, but I can't receive it. And I'm so lonely inside. I move around near people all day long, but it seems like they're all "out there" somewhere, and they never really see me...they don't really know me. I'm so tired of feeling alone all the time. I'm really, really tired.
I watch other people interact with each other, and it seems so fulfilling for them...so satisfying. They really seem to enjoy it. But no matter what I do, or how I go about trying to connect with others, I don't feel what they seem to be feeling. I don't feel fulfilled. I don't feel "connected."
I always thought everyone was faking it--that everyone was pretending to enjoy being with people, because that's how you're supposed to show that you care for someone. So I tried to fake it, too. And I do a pretty good job of faking it.
But based on what people are telling me now that I've discovered this AS component...they're not actually faking it. They actually do enjoy being with each other. They get some kind of emotional consummation through the interaction. I keep wanting this experience...I keep pursuing it...I keep needing it. But I never get it. I've tried to do all the right things. It just doesn't work for me.
Does this make sense to anyone else? I'm not sure if this is AS, or a deficit caused by my trauma background, or what.
It feels like I don't have love receptors. I can send it out, but I can't receive it. And I'm so lonely inside. I move around near people all day long, but it seems like they're all "out there" somewhere, and they never really see me...they don't really know me. I'm so tired of feeling alone all the time. I'm really, really tired.