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Do You Think I Could Be Autistic Based On This Results?


Just someone else in this world.

Next month I may see finally a new psychiatrist in search for a proper diagnosis after years of gaslighting towards my symptoms by said professionals of mental health. I started visiting a psychiatrist and psychologist when I was 12 years old because of anxiety. Then I came back when I was 14 until I was 19. I was diagnosed with Adaptative Disorder. Depression, OCD, ADHD, Autism, Generalized Anxiety Disorder was completely rejected in my case even when I asked the professionals to valuate my symptoms further than just anxiety from bullying.

No one ever believed me, so I never said what is in my brain. Wanting to die, intrusive thoughts, hypoactivity/hyperactivity, struggles with world, fears, all was normalized inside of me, masking it to be a "normal person". Someone who could study, work, have friends, socialize on a daily basis, confront changes. I tried to be perfect for others' eyes. To live by myself. Exactly because I didn't want anyone to come inside and see who I am for real.

However, my plan to live like this was interrupted when I learnt about Austism. I saw myself in every single post, paperwork, notice, page, every thing I read about it. I understood I would never be able to change myself in order to be the perfect prototype. I understood this will follow me my whole life. It was further than just anxiety for bullying, a trauma for a divorce, it was my own brain working completely different as how this world expects.

I wondered why me.

I still wonder why me. Especially when I can't reach NT results around me working x10 times harder than them. And the worst is that I'm writing this post searching for some kind of ease as I still think I am not autistic, just an error that can't work properly, without any reason that justifies it.

For months I took several tests I found on internet, being unable to access psychological help due to economic issues. The first time was around November of 2021. The second time was around March 2022. The third time retaking the same tests were around end-May 2022. The results were the same in every occassion.

And I'm sharing them because they're not enough for my brain to accept I have high chances to be autistic. It only thinks I'm inventing all the symptoms, modulating every answer in order to get higher punctuation. That no one will ever believe me because I don't look like such and I will live struggling in silence for the rest of my life.

So these are the results that led me to self-diagnose:

AQ (Autism Spectrum Quotient)::

  • Scoring range:: 0-50
  • Threshold score:: +26
  • Result:: 38

CAT-Q (Camouflaging Autistic Traits)::
  • Scoring range:: 25-175
  • Threshold score:: +100
  • Result:: 158 (Compensation: 57; Masking: 51; Assimilation: 50)

Aspie Quiz::
  • Scoring Aspie range:: 0-200
  • Scoring NT range:: 0-200
  • Threshold score:: Aspie score was at least 35 points higher than NT score.
  • Result:: Aspie: 151; NT: 71

RBQ-2A (Adult Repetitive Behaviours Questionnaire-2)::
  • Scoring range:: 20-60
  • Threshold score:: +26
  • Result:: 57

RAADS-R (Ritvo Autism Asperger Diagnostic Scale-Revised)::
  • Scoring range:: 0-240
  • Threshold score:: +65
  • Result:: 167 (Language: 11; Social relatedness: 70; Sensory/motor: 50; Circumscribed interests: 36)

Having shown this, now my question is, how likely am I to be autistic? Might these results be modified by other present disorders in me instead of being autistic itself? Should I save this for my visit to the psychiatrist? Am I somatizing my desire to know what's happening to me into autistic traits? Or am I autistic for real?
Breathe. You are pretty clearly autistic, and it's quite common for autists to be comorbid with anxiety disorder, depression, OCD and ADHD. It doesn't mean that any of your disorders "don't count". If you are heading to a psychologist expressly to be diagnosed, I don't see much of a point in you mentioning the other tests (as you'll be tested as a part of that anyways), but if you need to convince them to let you get diagnosed, I would definitely show them some results. I think obsessing over whether you are "really" autistic and taking several tests on it is also a pretty big notch in favour of you definitely being on the spectrum.
Yes pretty sure you are autistic. Getting diagnosed can be a chore, especially as clinicians do seem to interpret the criteria differently. Other times it seems fairly straightforward. So, good luck, I hope you get diagnosed if that's what you want, but the tests you have done do have autism signs and symptoms pretty well present in you. I hope you can also get help with anxiety, keep posting here about your progress with this,
If you answered the questions on those test honestly and with conviction, then there is a high probability that you might very well be HFA. I will also say that, from my own experience, some of those symptoms can reduce with age if you are living in the world daily. So stop stressing take a deep breath and try to relax a bit.

If you are seeing a mental health professional, you should make sure that you do not try to force the diagnosis. Be honest and be open in your statements or answers. In other words, drop whatever masking you have designed and let the psychiatrist in as far as you are capable of allowing yourself. If you feel the need to break eye contact and talk over their shoulder or at a nearby object, then do it. DO NOT try to hide anything no matter how uncomfortable it may make you feel or to admit/say.

If the urge to STIM arises then do it, as fully demonstrating the depth and breadth of who you are is the only way for you to get a valid assessment. You were completely honest in the tests, I presume, so doing it with a live person is essential. Uncover your true self in all its varied intricacies.

Just some words of advice from an old Aspie and I wish you all the best in accepting yourself for who you are, even if a live assessment does not work out the way you hope. Your scores still say you are one of us.
I didn't read any of your results. I think you could be autistic based on the fact that you think you could be autistic.

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