Do you feel like you don't belong here?

[Judge]

Maybe there's a parallel universe out there with my name on it.

Or not...

Me. Always on the outside looking in. No matter where I am.

 

[Kirsty]

Yes, I have always felt I don’t fit in the world, and when I say always, I literally mean just that. (I’m self-diagnosed with ASD and was confirmed by a licenced psychiatrist that I’m not autistic, for sure.) Anyway, I’ve always been treated like an outcast throughout school days, had a dysfunctional family which I am not comfortable being around hence why I’ve not seen them in two years and moved location to start over. It’s very difficult to trust people these days as within time others get fed up of me and move on, whether it’s because I’m too quiet or otherwise. Usually, it’s a character ‘fault’ on their part. I long for someone to hug and cherish, platonic or not to care for and check up on me like I would if I had people in my life. Luckily, I have one friend who is male and definitely neurodiverse like myself. (I’m officially neurodiverse just for the record and that didn’t come as a surprise to me.) I get on with guys than women so it’s perfect, however, I crave an intimate relationship with someone else the same sex as me. I’m building up my confidence and self worth alone and also allow myself to hang out with my friend to help with this. He is and will always be very special to me. I’m not one of those people who would suddenly drop others just because someone else has entered my life. I’m trying to look ahead now and attend meetups regularly in the hopes I’ll find someone.

 

[Sabrina]

I feel at home now, but it’s the 8th city I’ve lived in . My “home” city is not my home, definitely .
I’m an outsider where I live now, but people don’t expect me to be like other people, precisely because I’m an outsider. That works for me.

 

[Sabrina]

I hear that a lot from people on this board. But it has never, ever, struck me that way. I don't know where I would be without computers offering me a living and modern life offering me ways of coping. Just what previous era would I fit into?

Without the benefit of noble birth and accompanying money, I would break down from the endless physical toil required to live, and would be likely unmarriageable.

Imagine being a woman in another era:
Kids and kids and babies, no washing machine, cloth diapers, no higiene pads or tampax, cleaning all day, being treated like a person of less degree.

Yup, I’m with you, unless I was a duchess, princess, emperor or queen, no thank you!

Now, being a man, maybe.

 

[WereBear]

Kids and kids and babies, no washing machine, cloth diapers, no higiene pads or tampax, cleaning all day, being treated like a person of less degree.

My personal joke is that all my past lives were so full of domestic duties I am burnt out in this life

 

[Iamnotarabot]

I hear that a lot from people on this board. But it has never, ever, struck me that way. I don't know where I would be without computers offering me a living and modern life offering me ways of coping. Just what previous era would I fit into?

Without the benefit of noble birth and accompanying money, I would break down from the endless physical toil required to live, and would be likely unmarriageable.

I always thought that i would just be happier with a close family, hard work to live everyday, and that would be enought...

We are overwhelmed by everything here...but yeah, sure this society is also better for us at the moment, maybe I will feel differently when i finaly get to the therapist, do those tests and get the answser once and for all...

Im starting to be more and more sure of my condition...

I mean, even today i went out for a walk, A dog was barking, It was unbearable for me, yet all around this dog they were kids and a man with the dog, apparently having fun...they were like less than 1 meter away from me, i was maybe 6 meters aways, i just couldnt bear the noise...

I didnt notice that until now, now i am starting to get that something is actually different with me...

 

[Ragnahawk]

I hear that a lot from people on this board. But it has never, ever, struck me that way. I don't know where I would be without computers offering me a living and modern life offering me ways of coping. Just what previous era would I fit into?

Without the benefit of noble birth and accompanying money, I would break down from the endless physical toil required to live, and would be likely unmarriageable.

Are you sure about that? I am sure that I would have chosen one profession and mastered it. Same with all the other autists. There might be better health care and science, but society demands almost too much these days.

 

[Adora]

I have always felt like a outsider,even before I discovered I am on the spectrum I use to feel like I was put either on the wrong planet or wrong era,even now I still struggle with feeling different from other other people and and at times I will admit it gets me down,my husband understands and he will sometimes say to me when I’m feeling down about myself that normal is boring.

 

[WereBear]

I am sure that I would have chosen one profession and mastered it.

As a woman with no domestic skills, or much interest thereof, I am utterly confident I am better off in the here and now.

But hey, you want to pull your own teeth and dodge cholera epidemics, be my guest

 

[Gritches]

Quite the opposite - the world is mine, I'm the only one who belongs here. I just tolerate others.

To clarify, the world to me isn't the planet Earth; that would be a pretty big world to have. No, my world consists of home, work, and the town I live in. That's MY world, and nobody can take that from me or make me feel like my world isn't my own.

 

[OkRad]

You know when you nearly run someone over?
They always laugh.

I normally try to use other methods.
But it’s something about being close to death perhaps.

So, in company, I always try for laughter.
But how much of it is an act?

If I’m reading or listening to a podcast,out walking, I will still laugh.
I think I just find a joy in the absurdity of it all.
Yet humor can lead one to think I don’t take things seriously. I am intensely serious which is why my go to is laughter.

I think irl i am sharing a bigger piece of me than people realise, but to them it’s just a joke with no depth. To me it’s more of a world view.
Fortunate in many ways.

Yet normal talk, can’t really do.
I avoid talking to a lot very few I try to share a joke with and it’s dangerous if you talk to someone once. Second time is usually a bad day and ‘what’s wrong with that guy?’

And yet a joy I feel, revealed, often dies.

I know I don’t belong yet I am my worlds creator. (Limited spaces available)

I know there is a car coming for me, so I laugh while I can.
Laughing at the nonsense of daily machinations, one upmanship,petty games.

My world is like an overlay world, like solipsism with a twist.
A sudden surprise when someone walks into it....
Nice when it happens
Also brief (also nice)

I guess it’s like platform 9 3/4 but without the little kiddie magicians.

I think you are profound in a very sly way. You do make jokes but then, when you come out with a zinger, it has even more potency!

 

[SusanLR]

Summer Movie Alert:

Alienation...Aspie's World.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I think you are profound in a very sly way. You do make jokes but then, when you come out with a zinger, it has even more potency!

You know the phrase your left hand doesnt know wbat your right hand is doing?
Humor was my sword and shield and
I regret times when I thought I was protecting myself that I used a cutting blade.
Yet I laid down my sword and shield.

and yet,more than that.

The first joys and wonder when language came
And I could share.
I stared at a bee on the ground, in memory looking into its eyes.
I ran back to my parents walking far behind.
I was confused. 'Its just a bee' were they laughing at me?
Didn't they understand? - it was a bee.
I ran back to the bee, not moving.
Did I discover death that day?

And yet, more than that.
Is joy less knowing sorrow?

I picked up my sword and shield.
Standing still, I was accused of cutting,
Those who smile ask me to lower the shield to help them cut.

But I kept that secret joy.
The sword and shield were given to me.
They are discarded.
I know who I was now.
A little boy filled with love and joy
Who found humor, to share
With people who forgot the joy in the life they were given.
Yet,more than that,
I know who I am.


Something like that only finished

 

[LucyPurrs]

You know the phrase your left hand doesnt know wbat your right hand is doing?
Humor was my sword and shield and
I regret times when I thought I was protecting myself that I used a cutting blade.
Yet I laid down my sword and shield.

and yet,more than that.

The first joys and wonder when language came
And I could share.
I stared at a bee on the ground, in memory looking into its eyes.
I ran back to my parents walking far behind.
I was confused. 'Its just a bee' were they laughing at me?
Didn't they understand? - it was a bee.
I ran back to the bee, not moving.
Did I discover death that day?

And yet, more than that.
Is joy less knowing sorrow?

I picked up my sword and shield.
Standing still, I was accused of cutting,
Those who smile ask me to lower the shield to help them cut.

But I kept that secret joy.
The sword and shield were given to me.
They are discarded.
I know who I was now.
A little boy filled with love and joy
Who found humor, to share
With people who forgot the joy in the life they were given.
Yet,more than that,
I know who I am.


Something like that only finished

Damn Fridge, you're good.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Damn Fridge, you're good.

Not many have said that sentence. Even if theyve bought a $3500 internet fridge. They don't say it.

But all true early memory stuff, a rebuilding process )

Often what they tell you isnt who you are -
And its hard work to find the first 'me' and remember.

 

[WereBear]

Often what they tell you isnt who you are -
And its hard work to find the first 'me' and remember.

Beautiful and true.

 

[OkRad]

You know the phrase your left hand doesnt know wbat your right hand is doing?
Humor was my sword and shield and
I regret times when I thought I was protecting myself that I used a cutting blade.
Yet I laid down my sword and shield.

and yet,more than that.

The first joys and wonder when language came
And I could share.
I stared at a bee on the ground, in memory looking into its eyes.
I ran back to my parents walking far behind.
I was confused. 'Its just a bee' were they laughing at me?
Didn't they understand? - it was a bee.
I ran back to the bee, not moving.
Did I discover death that day?

And yet, more than that.
Is joy less knowing sorrow?

I picked up my sword and shield.
Standing still, I was accused of cutting,
Those who smile ask me to lower the shield to help them cut.

But I kept that secret joy.
The sword and shield were given to me.
They are discarded.
I know who I was now.
A little boy filled with love and joy
Who found humor, to share
With people who forgot the joy in the life they were given.
Yet,more than that,
I know who I am.


Something like that only finished

Fridge, that is beautiful. And it's so powerful! You tapped into something personal and yet universal.
It tells you, but also that moment when kids see something dead.
This happened to my niece one day when I was with her. She saw a dead bird laying in the curb. We were walking along with her parents. She knelt down and started to try to pet the bird and her Dad said, "No honey......it's dead....." and she looked at me with eyes of wonder. "What's dead?"
Oh what could I say?? She had no idea the hideous boat we are all in.
"It means it's never coming back..."
She bent over looking for a moment and I just stood there so she could take her time as her parents walked on. I didn't know what she would do. Cry? Look confused? Instead, as kids do, she had her fill and merrily skipped on to join her parents.
You were sensitive to notice that bee.
I still pull half dead worms off the sidewalk and rescue even the odd creature from the house and take them outside.
I wonder if Buddha and Jesus and those sensitive leaders of great compassion were Aspie.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Fridge, looks like you just blew your cover here.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Fridge, that is beautiful. And it's so powerful! You tapped into something personal and yet universal.
It tells you, but also that moment when kids see something dead.
This happened to my niece one day when I was with her. She saw a dead bird laying in the curb. We were walking along with her parents. She knelt down and started to try to pet the bird and her Dad said, "No honey......it's dead....." and she looked at me with eyes of wonder. "What's dead?"
Oh what could I say?? She had no idea the hideous boat we are all in.
"It means it's never coming back..."
She bent over looking for a moment and I just stood there so she could take her time as her parents walked on. I didn't know what she would do. Cry? Look confused? Instead, as kids do, she had her fill and merrily skipped on to join her parents.
You were sensitive to notice that bee.
I still pull half dead worms off the sidewalk and rescue even the odd creature from the house and take them outside.
I wonder if Buddha and Jesus and those sensitive leaders of great compassion were Aspie.

Yeh i was half asleep thinking so got up early. Ironically almost walked in front of a moving car earlier - I laughed obviously.

Dont know about buddha or jesus but I am.

Reminds me of that confusing quote 'Before Abraham was, I am.'

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Fridge, looks like you just blew your cover here.

You mean I'm brilliant,right?

Where's @Bolletje to help me frame my modesty eloquently?