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Featured Do you feel like you don't belong here?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by SimplyWandering, Feb 7, 2018.

  1. SimplyWandering

    SimplyWandering Well-Known Member

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    Do you feel like you don't belong in this world? What does that feeling feel like to you?
     
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  2. onlything

    onlything Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I was just about to ask what does 'here' mean to you.

    There is a reason why one of the leading ASD websites is called Wrong Planet. I always felt that I was born in a wrong place. First I thought it was just a country, later it turned out that other countries are mostly the same. Because NTs are 99% or so of the world population, it's not surprising to feel left out. We do not think in the same way, like the same things, have the same ideals or live the same lives. It's different because we are different. It just would be a lot nicer if not for all the despise, discrimination and lack of acceptance directed at you from all sides. And later they wonder why you isolate yourself.
     
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  3. Marcus

    Marcus Star Wars enthusiast

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    I feel that way constantly, not having any friends in real life only adds to that.

    People usually only talk to me whenever they want something, I’m rarely ever checked on or just invited out somewhere for a change of scenery. (I don’t get out much, other than the essential reasons.)

    If I truly mattered in this world, I would have more friends and people that care about me in my life, instead of being alone all the time.

    It really is crushing, and often drains me of all motivation to do anything.
     
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  4. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

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    Same here... I just don't fit in in the outside world, unless someone finds a way to use me for their benefit it seems.. I use to enjoy it until I finally caught on that they didn't like me... They just knew I knew how to do stuff and figure things out, and I would do it. Now I just elect to not do stuff as much as I used too and I get to see the real people who can be pretty hateful when you are no longer willing to be their servant.

    I love helping people but not under those circumstances.

    I think I could just go off and live in the woods and probably be happier... its been one of those weeks.
    I'm trying to get ready to go on a trip and everyone is coming down on me to do this before I leave and that before I leave... If its not mine... I just leave it. That actually angered a person today and for maybe the first time in my LIFE... I don't even care.
     
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  5. OkRad

    OkRad Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes. But that is when the fun starts. If you believe you don't belong here, you can be yourself. You don't have to be all fake anymore. I am bizarre as anyone you saw in the last 6 months and I don't care. I can't fight it. And then I started to realize well, yeah, I DO belong here. I belong here they way I am supposed to be.
     
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  6. LucyPurrs

    LucyPurrs NT, INFJ V.I.P Member

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    When I hit my 40s I stopped caring so much what other people thought and trying so hard. Now I just be myself and people can think whatever they want. I don't need a lot of people in my life but do need some close friends. I hope that all of you previous posters can find some genuine friends who love you for who you are. It hurts to hear some of you feel so alone and unvalued as individuals. It's evident to me after reading your posts that all of you are good and genuine people.
     
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  7. Coupe

    Coupe Well-Known Member

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    Yeah, I feel like I don't belong here, in this world, most of the time. I don't really have any friends (that is, people who appreciate my value as a person, and not just for what I am able to produce), and people usually only approach me when they want something, too....I feel like no matter what I do to help people, whatever I accomplish, it will never be good enough or as laudable as it would be if done by an NT person. I just feel like "the Pearl" most of the time (if you watch Steven Universe, you'll understand).

    One of the most relatable Beatles song lyrics to me is "There's nothing for me here/so I will disappear." If only it were as easy as they make it sound.
     
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  8. kay

    kay Well-Known Member

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    Even my feet don't belong. It's been that kinda week.
     
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  9. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Sometimes I feel I'm part of places; forests, rivers, when I climb a tree or see an animal or lie in the grass. Or when I feel the sun or wind on my face, have felt like I'm part of that. When I'm camping or climbing or cycling or swimming in a lake, as if I belong there. Then I think I've mastered the belonging. Not so much to many people, but part of a real world that's out there waiting to be found.
     
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  10. SimplyWandering

    SimplyWandering Well-Known Member

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    I feel the same way, except for some odd reason, I often avoid the unknown. I want to go out and do all that , but it scares me and causes me to often wonder if that is Anxiety/Depression caused by Autism or if it simply anxiety and fear of the unknown.
     
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  11. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    Throughout my life I have had this niggling feeling that I am on the outside of life. Seemed to spend most of my time looking in, as though, through a window; seeing all the happy faces and tugging in my heart, that I want to join in, but frustration that I cannot.

    I used to think that escaping to my bedroom when people turned up to my home unexpectedly was ideal, but never could quite understand why I felt this sadness deep with my being.

    It was only finding out about aspergers, that gradually things started and continue to make sense to me. Ah! That is the reason why etc

    I find that aspergers helps me with improving myself. I can know just about to do eye to eye contact and more diplomatic. A bad experience caused me to stop and revaluate and when my husband said to me that you lack diplomacy, I realised that it is something I should try and work on and I do. It can be very difficult though, knowing what to say and when to say it, but the beauty about the internet, you have time to formulate your answer.
     
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  12. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    Absolutely! If someone comes with me the first time, I seem to be ok afterwards.
     
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  13. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

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    Anyone ever see the movie K-Pax?
    I felt like I was watching the reason I came to this planet
    and how I feel about being here.
    Like I just beamed in for a certain reason but could never
    feel it was where I could be comfortable.
    I'm here in a human body, but I don't think
    or like things that most of the human race does.

    And what planet are you from?
    The old cliche that fits. :p
     
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  14. Bella Pines

    Bella Pines Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It feels like a play.

    Everyone I meet is an actor, playing a part, using props. But they are invested in their characters, they don't believe that they are on a stage and they don't believe there's any more to life. I feel like I've been acting out this stupid play for decades and I can't get off the stage, I'm trapped forever in a loop. I don't belong on the stage, it's not who I am, it's an illusion. I suppose another word for it is hell. Now, morning coffee time I think!
     
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  15. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    Sockless and hopeless :)
     
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  16. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Yes, I've always felt like that. My special interests in languages developed because of this - I longed to go to another country, immerse myself in another country where people would be different and I would feel like I belonged, not alone, I'd be happy. I never felt happy. So I developed obessions about certain countries, their languages, music, culture, everything about them, and I longed to leave the country I was in and go away to live somewhere else. These obsessions ruled my life. But when I did go to live in those countries, I found that basically, people were the same everywhere and that I still had the same feeling of alienation and that I didn't fit in, that I couldn't connect to people and relate to them. I wasn't diagnosed until later lin life, so it did cause me a lot of stress that I found it hard to get on with others, lost jobs or burned out from them, had difficulty joining in conversations and expressing myself, or that people treated me differently. It stressed me that I didn't understand why these things were happening to me, and in the absence of a better explanation I blamed myself, my surroundings and those around me.

    Now, I don't feel this so strongly as I did when I was younger. This is because I no longer feel the need to fit in, I've found peace with myself and accepted myself as I am. It doesn't matter that I don't fit in, don't have friends, that I'm different - fitting in is overrated, anyway. It's also because I was diagnosed, and I now have an explanation for it, I understand why and have closure for unpleasant past experiences, and it's ok to be me, to be different. I know where I fit in, where I belong. I don't belong to mainstream society, but to a niche market. It's ok, I don't need to look.
     
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  17. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    You know when you nearly run someone over?
    They always laugh.

    I normally try to use other methods.
    But it’s something about being close to death perhaps.

    So, in company, I always try for laughter.
    But how much of it is an act?

    If I’m reading or listening to a podcast,out walking, I will still laugh.
    I think I just find a joy in the absurdity of it all.
    Yet humor can lead one to think I don’t take things seriously. I am intensely serious which is why my go to is laughter.

    I think irl i am sharing a bigger piece of me than people realise, but to them it’s just a joke with no depth. To me it’s more of a world view.
    Fortunate in many ways.

    Yet normal talk, can’t really do.
    I avoid talking to a lot very few I try to share a joke with and it’s dangerous if you talk to someone once. Second time is usually a bad day and ‘what’s wrong with that guy?’

    And yet a joy I feel, revealed, often dies.

    I know I don’t belong yet I am my worlds creator. (Limited spaces available)

    I know there is a car coming for me, so I laugh while I can.
    Laughing at the nonsense of daily machinations, one upmanship,petty games.

    My world is like an overlay world, like solipsism with a twist.
    A sudden surprise when someone walks into it....
    Nice when it happens
    Also brief (also nice)

    I guess it’s like platform 9 3/4 but without the little kiddie magicians.
     
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  18. WereBear

    WereBear License to Weird V.I.P Member

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    In my case, it was very much a function of environment.

    I spent my first two decades in US subcultures, also small and rural, which prize conformity over eccentricity, strict gender roles over natural strengths, and promised a future of denial and deception instead of being my true self. Total Guess Culture.

    Fortunately, I was able to get out and into the NYC metro area just as the personal computer revolution was getting off the ground. This was Ask Culture. This was a place where people were themselves, where my gifts were prized, where people created their own lives.

    This is still working for me.

    I think the biggest and best step anyone can take is to find their Home... and settle there. When we stop burning up energy trying to fit in and instead use energy to find the place we fit.
     
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  19. Iamnotarabot

    Iamnotarabot Well-Known Member

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    Always thought I was not meant to live in this period of time yeah... My mom got me at 42 years old...


    But i force myself to think that I exist where i exist at the very moment I am, they cant be any alternative.
     
  20. WereBear

    WereBear License to Weird V.I.P Member

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    I hear that a lot from people on this board. But it has never, ever, struck me that way. I don't know where I would be without computers offering me a living and modern life offering me ways of coping. Just what previous era would I fit into?

    Without the benefit of noble birth and accompanying money, I would break down from the endless physical toil required to live, and would be likely unmarriageable.
     
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