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Diagnosis ruined my life

Discussion in 'Parenting & Autism Discussions' started by KS1, Nov 28, 2017.

  1. KS1

    KS1 New Member

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    To anyone who believes their child is on the spectrum

    Think very carefully about getting an official diagnosis. If your child has severe problems such as causing harm or unable to communicate in any way, go to the doctor. But anything less, stay away.

    Otherwise your child WILL be discriminated against by everyone with authority over them. Doctors, teachers, psychologists and employers. They will be a permanent member of the worlds most discriminated group. I will always hate my parents for the choices they made. They told me I should be proud of my identity. I have been denied jobs and marginalized by school teachers.

    I had two suicide attempts, mustering up the courage for a third.
     
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  2. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    Always is a strong word.

    A definition given by others can make it harder to define ourselves.

    On this forum you will find numerous examples of people struggling through to find their own victories.

    You can help and be helped on that journey.

    That long journey towards confidence, towards defining ourselves in a way that we choose.

    Welcome, stick around you may help somebody out.
     
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  3. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member It's My Birthday!

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    IMG_0258.GIF
     
  4. AGXStarseed

    AGXStarseed Well-Known Member

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    Please don't. :(
    There's a lot of people here who may be able to help you out in some way or another - whether its through advice or offering different ways to tackle a problem.
    I've been in the same boat - when I was a teenager and getting bullied at school on a regular basis, I wanted to kill myself by overdosing on some medicinal drugs just to stop the pain but my parents and many of my friends online helped me pull through.

    You've joined here today and you're in a friendly and compassionate community; give us a chance and we'll help you as best as we can.
    *Hugs*
     
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  5. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Your poor parents! It is the outside influence who deserves your wrath; not your parents.

    If I had been diagnosed as a child, it would have saved a lot of horrors for me; but instead, I have lived my life wondering what on earth is wrong with me? Always trying to fit in and always failing; trying to come up with different ideas to change things. Feeling that I am always looking in and very rarely a part of a group.

    I have, however come to see that all who were diagnosed as children, have a more difficult time adjusting and I suppose it is because of self awareness.

    But, I rather have been diagnosed as a child; because with my personality, it would have worked.
     
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  6. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member

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    Hi & Welcome,
    I've been in situations I really hated, but I made changes or life did and better times followed bad ones. Also as you reach adulthood you should be able to keep the diagnosis private. I don't know your particular situation but often you are not required to reveal such information under privacy laws.
     
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  7. ksheehan88

    ksheehan88 :)

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    For me the alternative is my children growing up not knowing why they are marginalised and spending their lives depressed because they don't fit in and don't know why, like I did.
     
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  8. Warmheart

    Warmheart Something nerdy this way comes V.I.P Member

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    Welcome here. :)
     
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  9. OkRad

    OkRad Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    This is a good post. It makes us udnerstand not everyone wants to get the dx and it is not helpful to all. In fact, a cousin of mine was somewhat fitting the dx and his mom said she would not take him for dx. He is now 20 and does show some signs, but does not feel broken or impaired. He does have confidence, though so meties does not make eye contact.

    I do wish I had never been given any dx. I have a genetic issue and probably 10 years from now, the will find we all do. Maybe? It damaged me A LOT to think I was mentalli ill when I was not and when the treatment never helped because it was not Mental.

    It was like putting a cystic fibrosis pt into a psych ward and saying, "Well, DUMMY! You don't want to get better! Still not breathing well?? We TOLD YOU how to slow your breathing! What IS your problem?? You must be a sociopath or somethng because you don't want to get better. Now WHY don't you want to get better? Is it attention you like? Clearly we area SHOWING you how to breath and you can't, so you are either stupid or a sociopath. No other options, my friend....."

    Then, decades later after being abused and kicked and beaten and told you are scum........"Oh, gee. Sorry. Yeah....it's genetic. You have CF. Well, sorry about that. Too bad about your lost life.........BUT GET OVER IT! Let the past be in the past! You must WANT to live in the past cuz you can't let it go..........."
     
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  10. Gritches

    Gritches The Happy Dog V.I.P Member

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    I wish I was diagnosed as a child. I was marginalized and discriminated against anyway, but I had no idea why. The label is merely descriptive, and if you go around advertising that label you're going to get pushback, but it's going to happen diagnosed or not. Difference is, with a diagnosis you can know the reasons why you're different.

    Lots of us weren't diagnosed until adulthood, many more never diagnosed at all. The same story resonates over and over - feeling like an alien in this world, feeling broken, feeling unwanted, feeling like a failure, but having no idea why. For those of us finding out late, ASD explained a lot and provided much-needed closure.

    There's value in a diagnosis, official or not. In terms of its practical effects in the world, it's how you wield that diagnosis.
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2017
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  11. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Since you feel this way, consider one relatively new dynamic to your own life. Your own adulthood, and independence brought upon legally by age alone. That in the future, whether you tell others of your neurology is your choice. One best guided by a premise of "need-to-know" only. If it doesn't properly or officially serve you, they don't need to know.

    Granted such a consideration isn't retroactive and you cannot undo a past controlled by your parents' decisions, but moving forward in life you'll likely find that in most instances, "the ball is in your corner".

    Take control of your own life at this point in time. You decide who to tell if at all. Though most of this is under the assumption you are a US citizen and have never been committed to an institution either by choice or court order. (That's something that could potentially "follow" you against your will.)
     
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  12. Riley

    Riley Well-Known Member

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    Hey. It's not always that bad.

    Although I'll admit, I have a different experience than yours. A majority of teachers love me, the only people who actually discriminate against me are a brother and one horribly-incompetent aid...
     
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  13. VioletHaze_03

    VioletHaze_03 Nerdling (Fledgling nerd)

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    i wish i had a diagnosis as a child, at least, a correct one. i was always picked on for being a bit.....eccentric, and for having meltdowns when i tried to blend in, to the point where my playground nickname was "tantrum." if i would have been able to tell people i was autistic, i probably would've gotten a lot more respect. there was someone in my elementary school who was mostly nonverbal, and as soon as the word "autism" came up, everyone treated him a lot better. i think knowing what your differences are and having the words to describe your condition and the (sometimes beautiful) gifts that can come with it is really important from a young age. i have never been discriminated against, just ostracized by teachers, doctors, and my peers before my diagnosis. once i got it, it was easier to stand up for myself and explain my situation to professionals.
     
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  14. Jacoby

    Jacoby Well-Known Member

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    The discrimination is real, you will never be allowed to be in the military, police, bunch of other things. Does a diagnosis bring peace of mind, I wasn't looking for it when I got it I guess so now I just think about all the things I can't and am not allowed to do.
     
  15. Mary Anne

    Mary Anne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    In hindsight, for me, getting diagnosed early might have made life more understandable. It would have been difficult irregardless.
     
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  16. VioletHaze_03

    VioletHaze_03 Nerdling (Fledgling nerd)

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    It really depends, some employers actually want autistics. I know i actually got into a policing initiative because my high functioning autism gives me a unique perspective on a life, and my bluntness provides a unconventional sense of humor. If i was neurotypical, i'd be just another basic white girl, and that's not exactly what police want when they look for diversity. I have been discriminated against and people have been rude to me because of my disability ("she's a flight risk so she can't go on field trips without her parents" i was 15 at the time and wandered away from my peers because they were picking on me, i actually got back to the meeting point before everyone else and went to look for my group, "autistic people are slow, you can't be autistic because you work quickly" i get that a lot as well as "you don't look autistic"), but it can be an advantage if you go to the right places at the right time. the only things i've been denied are grants from disability agencies because my iq was too high. I guess it differs for everybody, and i don't really have the stereotypical traits so i might have a far different experience than you do. I'm not trying to say that what you faced isn't real or discount your pain, discrimination is awful and it sucks to have your dreams crushed because you were born different, so please don't take it that way. I just hope you can find some of the kinder, less discriminatory employers in the future, like i did.
     
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  17. AO1501

    AO1501 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    To my mind, it isn't a question of whether to get a diagnosis or not, because if a child - or indeed anyone of any age - is on the spectrum, the simple fact is that they are on the spectrum.

    Not knowing this to be true will almost inevitably cause problems in exactly the same way many of us have experienced in life, and will do absolutely nothing to prevent the rest of the world discriminating against the individual. Regardless of whether that person has an official label or not, those who are not on the spectrum will see and react to the differences they will invariably observe.

    Getting a diagnosis does nothing at all except confirm what those differences are caused by, and that would then give an opportunity to adjust and accept the reality of it, and try and make the best of it. That seems to me to make a lot more sense than to grow up, and even grow old, in confusion and exclusion, imposed by a lack of knowledge of oneself.
     
  18. Jacoby

    Jacoby Well-Known Member

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    Diversity tends to mean everybody but me fwiw disability or not, certain lines of work are just complete off limits to people with an autism diagnosis but maybe if you check enough boxes in that vein of things maybe they'd consider you but not me. I'm not a savant or good with numbers so my supposed Autistic strengths are not that great, do people know or care that I'm an honest person? Being less honest tends to be what gets most people's foot in the door, an aversion to lying can definitely be held against.

    I have started working now(not exactly a lofty position btw) and I haven't told anybody about my diagnosis, I don't see how telling a bunch of teens and 20 year olds would help me and I very much doubt that my manager would know what I am talking about enough for it to have any benefit or help. I think they can tell I'm 'off' and I've had a few issues that I've worked thru so far thankfully, there are a few other people that are sort of like me there but there's no solidarity or anything.

    I didn't grow up in a supportive environment, the public schools I went to are far worse than anything they're supposedly putting those 'migrant' children thru and that was almost every day for years. It was essentially a segregated highly authoritarian prison environment in one of the poorest cities of the country that has been in decline for decades before I was born, I think the trauma I experienced there personally and just absorbing thru the environment around me left in the isolated emotionally deprived & stunted place I am now. That's not even talking about the total lack of adequate accommodation and their disgusting sweep under the rug practice of social promotion. It seems like I was born at the worst time in history, what is there for me?

    I've been trying to dig myself out of that hole(with some help) for years and years now wishing I was doing what I am doing now back in my teens because maybe then I would have had some hope of normal life because I'm 27 now which is relatively young to some but my peers have long left me behind. I don't have friends, I barely leave the house besides work, it's a depressing situation that I just try to grin and bear thru despite it all feeling like Sisyphean task.

    Sorry for the tangent but I'm just venting, my experience is that it has provided me no benefits and only discrimination. I'd rather I wasn't diagnosed, my life wouldn't have been that different but I wonder how I would feel about myself and my future without that in my mind. I think I was always set up to fail unfortunately and ASD diagnosis was just the cherry on top. OP is correct in saying the disabled are the worlds most discriminated group and its by almost everyone.
     
  19. Mary Anne

    Mary Anne Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Your parents did the best they could with the knowledge and tools available at the time. Many people are glad they got diagnosis and got the help, specialised education tools, and subsidies they needed in order to live satisfying lives. I do hope you realise that maybe you "hate" having autism itsekf, and really do not "hate" your parents. You have a neurodiversity which would have manifested itself in growing up whether diagnosed or not. Your parents probably have agonized and suffered greatly over the years too. They are not the enemy.
     
  20. inkfingers

    inkfingers 19 year old Aspie artist and Jesus follower

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    First off, don't commit suicide. Second, I disagree with you. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 18 years old (probably because I'm a girl) and I wish I had known earlier on in life. It would have made things so much easier to know that it is normal for me to be socially awkward. Also, if are being discriminated against when applying for jobs, why not keep your diagnosis to yourself?
     
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