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Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
Try cardiovascular training or simply long walks. If it helps, take someone with you.
You don't have to do a lot, just stick with what you have started.

I've also been bad at maths. Math teachers are often under the delusion that anyone can follow their explanation and who can't is lazy (or stupid). Some speed through lessons like dogs hunting rabbits. So it was sometimes up to youtube to teach me maths. I actually started to get better at it after school, during professional training, with no pressure on me.

I can relate to the bullying. I suffered through this for all of my school years. I simply could not figure out how to deal with my peers. Teachers also ignored when someone got bullied, as a result I ended up being the lone wolf.
It will get better in adulthood. Whenever you find yourself in a group setting, remain polite, ignore quarrels and fight for what is important. I've been treated unfairly but showing them the cold shoulder is pretty effective :)
And not all people are assholes but it does happen.
The problem with people like us is that others will immediately recognize us as the odd one out. They don't know how to deal with us, we put them off. Two people trying to communicate with different languages.
I had people describe me as unempathetic, cold and aloof. I'm none of those things.
I am an adult and things have not gotten better. If anything, they’ve gotten worse
 

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
The year seemed to have started off promising for me. I had no enemies here. I was going to continue my education. I had made a new friend at a convention. I was going to draw as well as story write again. I had a clean slate.

After that, everything fell apart. I now have people here who hate me and want the worst for me. I dropped out of college once again. The new friend doesn’t keep contact with me. My creativity has practically died. The year became once again marked by failure.
 
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Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
Markness- please go for meds to help with depression. If you are feeling suicidal, that's a very bad sign. We all struggle with you, and l want to see you succeed but if depression is making you feel like life is hard to live, you need to seek help. You really need to get some antidepressants at least for a couple of months.

I hit rock bottom, and the antidepressants helped though slowly, start feeling again. My life was a blur, l was struggling so much, l barely made it to my job. I felt like a zombie, l had no feeling at all. I started the pills, eventually l got off the pills, and my brain was reset, and l started functioning again. Please call 911, if you are suicidal, then ask for antidepressants and a referral to a psychiatrist. Let us know how you are doing. Please do not hurt yourself. You have many people here who care about you.
 

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
Markness- please go for meds to help with depression. If you are feeling suicidal, that's a very bad sign. We all struggle with you, and l want to see you succeed but if depression is making you feel like life is hard to live, you need to seek help. You really need to get some antidepressants at least for a couple of months.

I hit rock bottom, and the antidepressants helped though slowly, start feeling again. My life was a blur, l was struggling so much, l barely made it to my job. I felt like a zombie, l had no feeling at all. I started the pills, eventually l got off the pills, and my brain was reset, and l started functioning again. Please call 911, if you are suicidal, then ask for antidepressants and a referral to a psychiatrist. Let us know how you are doing. Please do not hurt yourself. You have many people here who care about you.
I actually am on psych meds. However, I found out I had been taking the wrong dose.
 

Owliet

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
The year isn’t over.
I had no enemies here.
You don’t have enemies here.
I was going to continue my education.
You still can.
I had made a new friend at a convention.
convention friends can be fickle.
I was going to draw as well as story write again.
You can still do this.
I now have people here who hate me and want the worst for me. I dropped out of college once again. The new friend doesn’t keep contact with me. My creativity has practically died. The year became once again marked by failure.
I have never seen anyone who hates you or wants the worst for you. Ever. Sometimes people can disagree with you, get frustrated with the advice they give you that is not picked up but it’s pretty stupid to hate someone on the internet. It may feel like someone is getting at you if they say something, but 99.9% of the time, they’re not.

Theres no shame in dropping out of college. A lot of people who go in their first year drop out for various reasons. There’s no shame in this AND it is not always a path that some people can do. There’s always ways to get into most jobs that you may want to do. But if you feel like you want to go back into it, go for it! You can even go back at 50, 80....I say this because I’ve seen how stressed pe can be if they think they can’t attain expectations. It’s ok to drop out or return. There are different pathways to do something.

Cons are sometimes the best way to meet others but it can be difficult. since the pandemic, most of my con friends are no longer around. It’s not from a lack of trying on my part but it’s what it is. If I see them again at a con, maybe it’ll pick up. However, I’m sure you can meet new people that may be better!

Sometimes you have to push the motivation button and do something even if you feel like you can’t. Ive Had a decline in my mental health since February, I had a lot of stress points through the year, self harmed again with growing frequency and had a breakdown in June. What’s helped a little with recovery was picking up my cosplay pants and resuming my projects. And adding new ones. I have zero self control here. It’s not dead, it just needs to be reignited.

it’s August. Not December 31st. A lot can happen even near the last Few months of the year.
 

Judge

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I've found over the years that so much in life is dependent on one thing- ourselves. Where from time to time I find myself reviewing a very old lesson in life, provided by a famous children's author- Shel Silverstein.

That we must take our lives by the reins and make things happen as best we can, rather than sit and wait for success to simply happen by osmosis or by accident.

 

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
I have never seen anyone who hates you or wants the worst for you. Ever. Sometimes people can disagree with you, get frustrated with the advice they give you that is not picked up but it’s pretty stupid to hate someone on the internet. It may feel like someone is getting at you if they say something, but 99.9% of the time, they’re not.

My mind worries that some of them who used to tell me they hoped I would meet someone who could be my girlfriend no longer feel that way.
 
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Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I've found over the years that so much in life is dependent on one thing- ourselves. Where from time to time I find myself reviewing a very old lesson in life, provided by a famous children's author- Shel Silverstein.

That we must take our lives by the reins and make things happen as best we can, rather than sit and wait for success to simply happen by osmosis or by accident.

Yessssssss! As one who had to learn to roll and see my spouse and I as equals, this really resonated.
 

1ForAll

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
My mind worries that some of them who used to tell me they hoped I would meet someone who could be my girlfriend no longer feel that way.

I want you to be in a relationship, but your chances will increase if you get practice socializing in positive ways with others. That will maximize your chances whenever you have opportunities for dating. Then you'd perhaps feel more comfortable there and the other could see your social skills and other good qualities you have there too. This means being positive in your communications and having opinions about topics when others bring that up, and asking questions related to that topic too, when lulls occur or when you need any clarity for any points they make and to make the conversation flow better.

Practice socializing with any local friend and some online others through messaging, chat or phone, starting with your interests if need, but then alternating to discuss theirs interests, too, to show give and take and any empathy for their social needs and interests too. Also, engage others with replies as much as possible when they engage you through any type of communication, regardless if they are a man or women or your personality type or not, and regardless if you like them or not. See those social attempts as you getting practice more so than you wanting to be their friend, as that is not realistic to expect the latter until after many successful communications.

Replying to others and socializing with persons of different types, and not just for dating, shows politeness, well roundedness, less pickiness and less neediness. Even if you are needy, you do not want to advertise that. Even if you are feeling negative or very shy, try not to talk much that much, too, when talking to new persons who prefer a more positive start to talks. Attempts at socialization, no matter how initially awkward, shows not only friendliness but you are trying to develop yourself and be the best version of yourself through meeting others. Persons are often more attracted to others, or more engaging there when that other shows less anxiety, fear and impatience.

The more practice you get, the more social you will become, if you take more positives than negatives out of that communication, thus the more likeable you'll be to more persons you engage with. Initiate conversations with persons too, by asking a relevant question or by giving comment especially to those you think could be more receptive to that or who'd reply back. Yes, many with Autism can find it harder to pick up on nonverbal cues, but in general, if the other has either a smile, better eye contact and/or seems less busy, the better the chances they'll be open to at least saying Hello back to you, if not want to engage you for more, the more you seem nice in a non-pushy, more easygoing way.

Try to understand that it often takes two to make a conversation flow. Even if you are shy, the other can lose interest if they are doing most of the effort or talking and if you show much anxiety or negativity. So, besides both having to be receptive enough for a chat, and with enough self esteem, positivity and social skills there, look for pauses where they expect you to reply back, and when a topic seems exhausted or you have nothing more to say there after any questions there you asked too, don't be afraid to switch to another topic of discussion. Socializing is supposed to be seen as relaxing or fun, or to inquire or learn more, and not just conversing about one topic you like for longer talks or in getting a relationship, but as a shyer person if you are not there yet, you can do other things too to increase your mindset and social skills.

Let's say you just talked to a local friend and need more social practice than with them? There are many other things you can do too. Research a list of a hundred or more random topic prompt questions, write them down or print them out, and pick a few or several out each day and give answers out loud to those in front of a mirror. Also, turn the tv or radio on listen to a question or comment made from a voice there, turn the volume down then, and reply at length as comprehensively and relevantly as possible. Keep doing that to various programs, channels you go to for several weeks, and to the various questions and comments you hear there, and focusing too on having less pauses for sentences voiced, and less anxiety and more smoothness shown in your speech.

Also, at home imagine yourself having back and forth positive communications with others, both short, medium and long talks, visualizing yourself succeeding there with your calmness, more open and relaxed posture, any smiling and better eye contact, and your flowing speech, etc. Imagine one by one greeting many different types of others, and in various settings, with the other you meeting in the visualization appearing receptive to your attempts and returning the communications in a friendly and positive way, with equal abilities and taking turns there. By having several of these more positive social daydreams daily, over time these can over time trick your mind to think they actually occurred, giving you positive reinforcements there.

The key I feel for most positive social experiences is to appear relaxed, somewhat confident and friendly, and without coming across as too needy, shy, negative and/or dysfunctional, but to not assume others are always in the frame of mind to talk too. But, when those approach you and engage you, if you do not attempt to return that nice gesture, or in a reasonable socially accepted way, then in general that can be a turn off to most, as it implies either someone too avoidant, snobbish, socially inept or looking for only specific persons, or it can come across that other want to jump over step to get friends, relationships, etc. By being polite and having some social skills to those who were polite too, and that other trying to give you a self-esteem boost or social practice attempt, etc, this shows partly ones social etitiquette, empathy and efforts.

Markness, also pay attention to any postures, expressions and eye contact in yourself, not just in others to determine their possible receptiveness, when any face-to-face contacts are made or to be considered. Most NT's for instance may be more apt to approach and attempt socializing with one with better eye contact and more friendly smile and open postures. Those with eyes averted too much, crossed arms, head and shoulders down or away, and neutral or anxious facial look may be seem less approachable than one with the opposite than that. And by being in a more social looking physical state this can often instantly get at least temporarily many into a more social, confident and relaxed mood. You can practice these at home by looking in a mirror, etc.

But, having said all of the above, if you want to be totally yourself, you still could be in a relationship one day, but your chances will be greatly limited. You'd then more likely attract some desperate woman with many problematic issues herself, or the very empathetic and mentally strong woman who feels sorry for you and had much compassion and strength to want to do everything for you to make you happier, and/or with her hoping for more functionality in you during her strong many efforts in the relationship. In that case, you'd have to target often your search where those women would be more receptive to those untraditional guys who had shyness and many executive function issues. So, being proactive there in finding those places where you'd be able to be more yourself, and where they'd allow for limitations and difficulties, at least for short term, that is an option too.



.
 
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Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
I've found over the years that so much in life is dependent on one thing- ourselves. Where from time to time I find myself reviewing a very old lesson in life, provided by a famous children's author- Shel Silverstein.

That we must take our lives by the reins and make things happen as best we can, rather than sit and wait for success to simply happen by osmosis or by accident.

I just can’t seem to find a solution to the “Torschlusspanik” I suffer from.
 

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
I know that you desire Zweisamkeit, and would be happy. But you still have some work to do to realize it. I hope for your success.
I don’t know what “work” I need to do. I am also not getting any younger. Apparently I am a “creep” for being single at my age.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I don’t know what “work” I need to do. I am also not getting any younger. Apparently I am a “creep” for being single at my age.
Nobody here has said that you a creep for being single. What I wonder at is your inability to carve out an independent life away from your mother, who you have said previously controls your finances. That dependency, in itself, is a relationship killer at an age when you should be settling into a career.

You seem to have more going for you than some here whose entitlement and hatred keep them from relationships, yet you seem paralyzed into inaction.
 
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Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
Nobody here has said that you a creep for being single. What I wonder at is your inability to carve out an independent life away from your mother, who you have said previously controls your finances. That dependency, in itself, is a relationship killer at an age when you should be settling into a career.

You seem to have more going for you than some here whose entitlement and hatred keep them from relationships, yet you seem paralyzed into inaction.
She’s an overbearing control freak who sabotaged many opportunities for me to grow as a person. I also had an abusive superior at work that didn’t get any action taken against her until this year (It took 15 years for it to happen). These two factors affected my college performances as well as my own self-drive which has lead me to not having a career.
 

Rodafina

Hopefully Human
V.I.P Member
She’s an overbearing control freak who sabotaged many opportunities for me to grow as a person. I also had an abusive superior at work that didn’t get any action taken against her until this year (It took 15 years for it to happen). These two factors affected my college performances as well as my own self-drive which has lead me to not having a career.
…yet.

Not having a career yet, Markness, right? I think you and I may be of a similar age and I too have struggled to “find a career.“ But it is not too late for us, we can still find such a thing even though we are on a different time frame than any others.

I just started a part-time job that is the happiest one of my life, but people look down on me for it because it is not paid well and I am not using the degrees that I earned. Also, it’s not currently viable, and so I am trying to piece together further work opportunities (possibly selling some arts and crafts?)

So, others may not call it a career, but I think it will serve the same purpose in my life.

I think it is important to recognize the evolving notion of a lifelong career in America. I believe that strong patterns show it is much more likely for older Americans (the boomer generation) to have lifelong careers, whereas the following generations tended to show less long-term employment and more varied work histories. I don’t exactly know what my point is here, just feels like an important thing to recognize when we are talking about the career experiences between someone like Gerald Wilgus compared to either you or I, Markness.
 

Gerald Wilgus

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
She’s an overbearing control freak who sabotaged many opportunities for me to grow as a person. I also had an abusive superior at work that didn’t get any action taken against her until this year (It took 15 years for it to happen). These two factors affected my college performances as well as my own self-drive which has lead me to not having a career.
You are gaining experience Markness, and @Rodafina is correct. The idea of a career has changed from my parents generation to now, especially when corporate greed has shattered old ideas of a social contract beneficial for everybody. In my case I have actually had more of a calling than a career, from basic research, through designing processes in nuclear chemistry, into validation of drug manufacturing processes using Statistical Design of Experiments. I have felt the calling to interrogate and test nature and was paid well for the privilege.

Markness, as a thinking person I have no doubt you have learned from your work and can think of ways to interest and expand services for the patrons you serve. Leverage your calling into expanding your capabilities and paid responsibilities. I have confidence that you can accomplish much.
 

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
I still feel low most days. I tend to live a lonely existence and I worry about opportunities slipping away since I am constantly told I can’t do certain things unless I “work on myself.”
 

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
I feel so horrible right now. :( I should be sleeping but I am awake instead and continuously wondering why my life doesn’t move forward.
 

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
I can’t change or turn my focus to anything else. I feel like doing so is admitting defeat and truly giving up.
 

Rodafina

Hopefully Human
V.I.P Member
I can’t change or turn my focus to anything else. I feel like doing so is admitting defeat and truly giving up.
I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, Markness. I don’t have any advice, but I’m sad that you’re not happy.
 

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