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Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
1) I am prone to strong depression episodes due to being bullied in my developmental years, feeling like I mess up everything I do, and being socially isolated. It ruins my motivation to do things and life feels hopeless. I feel like I am going to just struggle and suffer until I die.

2) I already know I don’t fit in with the culture I live in and so I try to go to places where I think I will do better socially. I always have high expectations and when they aren’t met, I feel disappointed and discouraged.

3) I have an innate difficulty with math and it’s always been misinterpreted as being uninterested in math itself. Instead of getting treatment (Not because I didn’t want it, my parents and teachers just kept thinking it was simply me not being interested in it.), I just got it constantly shoved down my throat. I was also told math is required for every job and getting a degree requires high level mathematical abilities.

4) I feel bad all the time physically due to being overweight, sleep apnea prevents me from getting proper sleep (I use a CPAP.), and exercise is both confusing and overwhelming to me.
 

Jenisautistic

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Sorry to hear you have sleep apnea that must be tough

I have the same way you feel about math about Reading

as for depression it’s hard to say i’m not sure if I had it but I know I’ve been depressed from time to time and it sucks

when it comes to going outside it’s more like I can’t recognize most of my neighbors in my apartment complex and if I do I feel like I am too different to be able to explain what I do

my grandmother finds my hobbies and maybe even my day program possibly a waste of time

she wants me to go to school and constantly says I’m in school when I’m not in school and it makes me very frustrating and it makes me sad and upset

especially when people ask me questions about it in my apartment

i’m sorry to say I can’t think of any advice at the moment but know that you are not alone

if any advise I can give it is live your life in your own way in the way you like it best as you can and try to think of everyone can you think won’t understand like sheep in the flock

my friend wants told me about people in general just being around people I was nervous

and he told me I am the lion and they are the sheep

at the time I didn’t take it literally but I think I now do literally know they’re just following the status quo most likely or too anxious about their own life to care
 
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Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
That's good advice, l can't top Jenisautistic's post. I like her thinking.

Think people do try to manipulate others, and you need to stand your ground.
 

Neonatal RRT

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
1) I am prone to strong depression episodes due to being bullied in my developmental years, feeling like I mess up everything I do, and being socially isolated. It ruins my motivation to do things and life feels hopeless. I feel like I am going to just struggle and suffer until I die.

2) I already know I don’t fit in with the culture I live in and so I try to go to places where I think I will do better socially. I always have high expectations and when they aren’t met, I feel disappointed and discouraged.

3) I have an innate difficulty with math and it’s always been misinterpreted as being uninterested in math itself. Instead of getting treatment (Not because I didn’t want it, my parents and teachers just kept thinking it was simply me not being interested in it.), I just got it constantly shoved down my throat. I was also told math is required for every job and getting a degree requires high level mathematical abilities.

4) I feel bad all the time physically due to being overweight, sleep apnea prevents me from getting proper sleep (I use a CPAP.), and exercise is both confusing and overwhelming to me.

One,...I understand that those childhood years,...the years that your brain is developing those neural pathways,...can create certain tendencies and thought patterns. For many years, it does create the person you are. However, you've seriously got to move on from these childhood thought patterns of "trying to please" the people around you,...and failing. You're an adult now,...you pick the people around you,...and if that means NO people around you to disappoint,...fine, so be it. At some point, YOUR happiness matters,...it's YOUR life,...take some control away from other people.

Two,...welcome to autism,...in some ways, you're a visiting alien observer,...sometimes visible to others,...sometimes not. Sometimes accepted,...but not part of the group. Always on the periphery. I've just calmly accepted ALL of it. I don't mind being around some people,...but be clear,...I do NOT NEED them. I know I am different enough from neurotypicals I will never fit in,...and frankly,...have ZERO desire to. I like who I am and wouldn't change it for the world.

Three,...I love math,...I loved calculus, it was an eye opener and really got me excited, but I got to a point where I felt I was doing a lot of trying to fit the formula to the situation and it became quite cumbersome to me,...at least the high level math (differential equations, etc.) that really matters in physics. Now, I am VERY good at understanding how things work and can often predict the results if given a physics or math problem,...but if you asked me to do a mathematical proof,...I really struggle. Give me a multiple choice test and I will crush it,...make me actually write out the proof,...likely fail. Now, realistically, I do not do well in the classroom format,...I am much better learning on my own. I am self-taught in many subjects. I think that is more the autistic style of learning,...the instructor just needs to get out of the way,...we'll ask for help when we need it.

Four,...if you're overweight,...tickle your logic centers with the idea that this is a serious health issue,...because it is. No one needs the psychological drama of "appearance" entering the equation,...as it often does. You cannot exercise your way to a lean body,...it all starts with the diet. But, here's the deal,...frankly, most of the foods we crave,...also cause us to store fat,...a cruel reality. So, what we face is this psychological challenge,...it's not a physical one,...when it comes to changing our eating habits. "Well,...just eat the good foods." Easier said than done,...especially when it requires months, or years of eating foods you might not like to eat. 3500 calories per pound of fat,...this is what you're looking at loosing,...and if you are 20, 40, 60,...160lbs overweight,...it's a daunting thing to consider. BUT,...people do it. That's all on you,...you have to do it for you,...and not for anyone else.

All I can say here, @Markness,...be selfish,...take charge of yourself,...and stop trying to please other people. Be happy, my friend. To be happy,...that's all on you,...the other people,...they can either make you less or more happy,...but that first 90% is ALL you.
 
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Thinx

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
You have understood your situation well, but I guess now you have to decide (like everyone has to) to accept your limitations, and have the best life you can. Play to your strengths, which you haven't listed here but have plenty of.

The maths thing affects so many people, and it doesn't make sense to feel it stops you doing things, you don't have to be even average at maths to get by, and you don't need to be great at maths to get arts degrees. Remember too that only a few percent of the population get degrees, this isn't a sign of any kind of lack.

Depression is a big challenge, is it worth working on this more? You might turn up some ideas and strategies. Could you get in a support group for depression?
 

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
1) I am prone to strong depression episodes due to being bullied in my developmental years, feeling like I mess up everything I do, and being socially isolated. It ruins my motivation to do things and life feels hopeless. I feel like I am going to just struggle and suffer until I die.

Same here I was bullied in high school and I had no friends even though College which is one of the reasons why I dropped out of College.

2) I already know I don’t fit in with the culture I live in and so I try to go to places where I think I will do better socially. I always have high expectations and when they aren’t met, I feel disappointed and discouraged.

Same here. I joined a Christian Church and I went to various groups and events with high expectations instead all I get that shows at these events are couples and single guys. Rare case there is a single girl at these events I don't even get the time of day. I then get texts from single guys wanting to hang out with no interest.

3) I have an innate difficulty with math and it’s always been misinterpreted as being uninterested in math itself. Instead of getting treatment (Not because I didn’t want it, my parents and teachers just kept thinking it was simply me not being interested in it.), I just got it constantly shoved down my throat. I was also told math is required for every job and getting a degree requires high level mathematical abilities.

Math is my worst subject. That is an myth that ASD are all good at it and for a while I thought I did not have ASD because I did so poor at it. I still don't know how I passed it failing most of the tests. I ended up doing extra credit to pass. Then in College I had to take it again without credits but I failed it as they did not have extra credit.

4) I feel bad all the time physically due to being overweight, sleep apnea prevents me from getting proper sleep (I use a CPAP.), and exercise is both confusing and overwhelming to me

I been overweight after I dropped out of College because of the constant changes in my medications. When I came back to the Church I was finally losing weight then Covid happened and my doctor put me on additional four medications which made me gain over 50 pounds. I use to be able to walk to prospect park now I can't even walk one block without having to sit and rest.

I also have trouble sleeping. Some days I can sleep until late afternoon early evening then other nights I am up all night. The medications I take cause this.
 

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
This excellent advice l needed to read. Thank you @Markness for your post.

Depression is a dream killer. We can often eat our emotions and then become depressed at gaining weight, then eat more to deal with frustration of weight, then get more depressed. It's a vicious cycle. You do actually have to cut back on the amount of food you eat then the weight comes off, but you may need to wait six months for your skin to tighten up.

So maybe start today. Start with a goal of 10 lbs in 4 weeks. Eat popcorn with just salt. Or eat vegetables that are filling without butter, just seasoning. Reward yourself with a small treat, bag of chips, candy bar, small ice cream every Friday nite. If you accidently over eat, just restart your food diet plan. You can do it and become a better healthier you. I like to buy tight pants, then in a month, l fit them because l want to fit them. Maybe go online and research what you need to eat to get down to your better you.

Some people cannot feel full due to their chemical composition. Do you eat to feel full? This maybe faulty thinking. When my ex had to lose weight, l gave him a huge plate of vegetables along with small portion of meat. He dropped the weight. He was grouchy and one time he yelled at me. I tried not to eat anything super great around him so as not to tempt him. He lost the weight after a couple years.
 
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Darkkin

Lioness of Spoons
V.I.P Member
Articulating why you struggle is a huge step in becoming more conscious of things like negative self-talk and unrealistic expectations.

If you notice yourself starting to walk the same thought rut, pull this post up. Take a couple minutes and ground yourself. Consciously redirect if at all possible. And do not beat yourself up if a set back happens. Acknowledge it, allow that you are human and put it in the done with it bin.
 

Misery

Photo-Negative
V.I.P Member
It's My Birthday!
2) I already know I don’t fit in with the culture I live in and so I try to go to places where I think I will do better socially. I always have high expectations and when they aren’t met, I feel disappointed and discouraged.

This is one that I can recognize as frustrating... it happens to a lot of people unfortunately. I'm a total hyper-geek myself, and the only way to meet up with others in that group is to do some serious travelling... the sort you need a hotel room for. I sure wont find anyone like that around the area I'm in. And there's no easy dealing with that, is there?

Do you ever try to connect with anyone from that group remotely? It may not be the same as an in-person connection, but it has its benefits.

3) I have an innate difficulty with math and it’s always been misinterpreted as being uninterested in math itself. Instead of getting treatment (Not because I didn’t want it, my parents and teachers just kept thinking it was simply me not being interested in it.), I just got it constantly shoved down my throat. I was also told math is required for every job and getting a degree requires high level mathematical abilities.

Yeah, welcome to the typical adult experience when it comes to that garbage. Believe me, it aint just you. Dont blame yourself: if I were to blame anything, it'd be the school system. I mean, good grief, kids freaking CHEER when they have an unexpected no-school day... I'd say the whole thing failed horribly at getting them even slightly interested in learning. OF COURSE everyone has so much trouble with things like math... the teachers make it bloody mind-numbing. And that absolutely goes for college too, which can be even worse about it!

I recently decided to sorta take a stab at learning math a bit, after 22 bloody years. Doing it via Skillshare actually (could also use Youtube I'm sure) by watching videos made by someone who isnt absurdly boring. Already learned more in just a few short sessions than I did in 12 freaking years of "education".

In other words: Most likely it isnt your fault, and there isnt anything wrong with you. Maybe it's time to try a different approach, something that ISNT school or college, and see what happens.

Oh, and that last bit about the jobs is nonsense. It's REALLY dependent on what you're doing and most jobs wont involve it.

4) I feel bad all the time physically due to being overweight, sleep apnea prevents me from getting proper sleep (I use a CPAP.), and exercise is both confusing and overwhelming to me.

Honestly the sleep thing could be a major source of some of your depression.

Ever seen a sleep specialist at all?
 

MyLifeAsAnAspie

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
I only have advice on this one:

2) I already know I don’t fit in with the culture I live in and so I try to go to places where I think I will do better socially. I always have high expectations and when they aren’t met, I feel disappointed and discouraged.

You should stop thinking like this. Social success is about much more than where you are. You should think about where you can fit for success as a person before you can hope for social success. Would you even want a partner who would be interested in someone without any goals other than to find a partner?
 

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
Depression is a big challenge, is it worth working on this more? You might turn up some ideas and strategies. Could you get in a support group for depression?

I think I am always making efforts to “work on it.” I take vitamins, I do my best to avoid people I don’t like, I walk if I am not burned out from the day, I drink as much water as I can, and I am supposed to see an endocrinologist soon because my testosterone level is low.

I got discharged from a depression group last year when my insurance stopped covering me. I’ve looked up other groups but none are local. Most of them are two hour drives from my location.
 

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
Some people cannot feel full due to their chemical composition. Do you eat to feel full? This maybe faulty thinking. When my ex had to lose weight, l gave him a huge plate of vegetables along with small portion of meat. He dropped the weight. He was grouchy and one time he yelled at me. I tried not to eat anything super great around him so as not to tempt him. He lost the weight after a couple years.

No, I just ate because I was hungry or was in the mood and was careless about how much I was ingesting. I didn’t realize that stuffing myself was not good in the long run. I got tired of how it was making me feel so I don’t do it anymore.
 

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
No, I just ate because I was hungry or was in the mood and was careless about how much I was ingesting. I didn’t realize that stuffing myself was not good in the long run. I got tired of how it was making me feel so I don’t do it anymore.
Actually when I am serious depressed or nervous about something I lose my appetite.
 

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
Articulating why you struggle is a huge step in becoming more conscious of things like negative self-talk and unrealistic expectations.

If you notice yourself starting to walk the same thought rut, pull this post up. Take a couple minutes and ground yourself. Consciously redirect if at all possible. And do not beat yourself up if a set back happens. Acknowledge it, allow that you are human and put it in the done with it bin.

I am honestly just thinking of not making regular posts here until I have a girlfriend and am in a different life situation. What I mean is by not posting threads and making replies. I just feel drained mentally and I hate that I still don’t have a relationship after struggling so much.
 

Tony Ramirez

Single guy treated badly with Asperger's Syndrome
I am honestly just thinking of not making regular posts here until I have a girlfriend and am in a different life situation. What I mean is by not posting threads and making replies. I just feel drained mentally and I hate that I still don’t have a relationship after struggling so much.
Same here but since I was put down by some members you know who you are I have not been posting about failed attempts at relationships as much as I use too.
 

tree

Blue/Green
Staff member
V.I.P Member
I am honestly just thinking of not making regular posts here until I have a girlfriend and am in a different life situation. What I mean is by not posting threads and making replies. I just feel drained mentally.....

It would help you to stop repeating over and over that you have failed.
That story doesn't give you any constructive energy that I can see.
 

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
It would help you to stop repeating over and over that you have failed.
That story doesn't give you any constructive energy that I can see.

I am thinking of just sticking to status updates, replies to questions in the threads I already have, and private conversations.
 
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Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
Do you ever try to connect with anyone from that group remotely? It may not be the same as an in-person connection, but it has its benefits.

Which group? Are you asking about the four different groups (autism support group, the Meet Up group, the depression support group, and tabletop gaming group) I used to be a part of but not anymore?

Honestly the sleep thing could be a major source of some of your depression.

Ever seen a sleep specialist at all?

Yes, I have and that’s how I got a CPAP.
 

Thinx

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Will your parents pay for a depression support group now your insurance no longer covers it? Or are there any assisted programmes or online support initiatives you can access? In the UK we have the Mind charity that offers some help to people. It's pretty hard when you don't have access to support. Could you even maybe see if there are any self help groups near you, or even initiate a meet up at a suitable venue for a self help group?

Have you ever looked in to co-counselling? It's a low cost self help oriented approach that operates internationally, I did their short training and got a lot out of their groups and residential events, lovely people and yes, people do meet partners in that environment, albeit you would need to each be very aware of any issues or boundaries. But that's always the case in any relationship. It's empowering and hard work, but everyone is working on themselves.
 

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