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Can't Stop Thinking About Someone I Was Never Really Close With, What's Going On?

furkandorum

Member
Last year, there was girl in my class. I fell in love with her, but i never had the self-confidence to talk with her as more than a classmate. I think this part is normal but i was always incredibly nervous around her, my social anxiety was at the top. I don't want to tell to much detail. In short; i fell in love, never knew what she was thinking about me, never talked to her about it. This was how the last year ended. Never seen her again since the last June, i don't have her social media or number, nothing. But... after one year of not seeing her, i just can't stop thinking about her. Those tiny little social interactions are keep spinning in my head all the time. Sometimes her face gets blurry in my mind, sometimes i realize that i don't even know her personality that well as i wasn't close with her like i said. But these types of thoughts are making me feel so uncomfortable. She still has a spot in my brain that i can never understand. I feel like she is more like a symbol than a person for me. She reminds me good feelings. She always smiles in my head, she is not like all that other peope that makes my skin crawl.
What makes her so special for me? Is it even possible to know that? She was smiling at me, is that really enough for me to put her in a spot in my head like this, can i be really this much screwed up socially?
And i know this wont sound logically but i feel like this was my one and only "love" experience. Her being in my head nearly all the time making it so hard for me to care about others. Will this ever end?
 
What makes her so special for me? Is it even possible to know that? She was smiling at me, is that really enough for me to put her in a spot in my head like this, can i be really this much screwed up socially?
I am afraid only you can know the answers to that.
 
Got a similar experience going on. But, don’t think she’s in to me. What’s more another person with mental problems she was dating and trying to help. Punched her.
I haven’t pushed any further then trying to get phone number or meet up in movies. She declined. I haven’t tried anything since.
And vented a few reasons about why in another post.
I do have feelings for her. But, I’m ignoring them.
As to why her. Not sure. I like she tried to help the other guy and her bluntness.
 
@furkandorum
Sometimes the unknown is what really sticks with us for the longest. It sounds like you had brief interactions with this person and formed strong feelings based on your thoughts of her. Having never gone any further than that, this infatuation was never allowed to go anywhere.

I’m sure that she is a wonderful person, but it is also likely that you are somewhat idealizing her in your mind. The more we get to know people the more we realize there is balance, and no one can live up to a perfect illusion that we have created in our minds.

It sounds like you are no longer in contact with this person, which limits how much you could get to know her further and learn about the real her instead of the idealized version. I used to feel much like you when I was younger, but I would encourage you not to consider this your one and only love opportunity. What this infatuation can show you is your capacity for liking another person and possibly, your desire to connect with a girl. Maybe this could allow you to become more social in other ways and start to meet different types of people, creating friendships and even a potential relationship somewhere.
 
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