Good friends don't have to be in communication all the time. I have a good friend I speak to maybe once a month, or less, but every time we do, we have a blast. I know other people too, who have friends they don't see or speak to for years at a time, but they still are friends, and when they meet up, they have a great time. You don't have to speak to them daily to have a good friendship. I feel like that's reserved for school/college/work friends; whom you might not necessarily be that close with. I wouldn't feel guilty for not being around all the time.
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Best friend
- Thread starter Fiona
- Start date
My cat doesn't like me that much tho... :< So it's platonic bestfriendship
Im SHORE youre cat likes you Fiona its probably more that you cant understand how youre cat feels and behave dear . In general id say cats are sometimes more on doing things and having things on there own turf so to say. So do try to give youre cat some time or possibly to choose him /her self when it whants to come and cuddle this is especially IF you recently gotten said cat (in my case the cat i have now dident come to me and sit on my lap for nearly 6 months after i got him home now i cant get him NOT to always come to me (giggles )
A true, quality, best friend is someone you know you could say just about anything to and they trust and understand you and vice versa. Communication is reciprocative and you try to consider each others' feelings, time, and energy, but you also try to be independent enough and not depend on them in a way that infringes on their psyche and feelings. Sometimes, you try to help them in some way back too.
Initially, communication should be reciprocative and caring enough. Even if you don't meet often, explanations are enough even if brief, and your time and energy is not infringed on or this person initiates on his/her own to make up for his/her mistake or mishap. Such as, if they left you hanging on meeting up, they offer to buy you a meal/drink and meet you in-person at your convenience the next time around- something like that.
I have one, not sure if I still have him as a bestie, but we're still at least friends. He has too much BPD and Depression to keep contact and hang out, but we keep contact still. One time, we spoke for 6 hours at length- him for 3 hours and me for 3 hours. We helped each other sort through each others socially related situations and talked about how best to move on without infringing on anyone else and moving on with our own lives. Not many people at that time could give me that needed time in-person nor advise me in just the right way. Even if a few others could, could I trust them like I could this person?
Part of having best friends is building trust and reciprocative communication. You can't hide away and just expect someone to "be" your friend. You have to put yourself out there and take a risk. It can be scary for some.
Initially, communication should be reciprocative and caring enough. Even if you don't meet often, explanations are enough even if brief, and your time and energy is not infringed on or this person initiates on his/her own to make up for his/her mistake or mishap. Such as, if they left you hanging on meeting up, they offer to buy you a meal/drink and meet you in-person at your convenience the next time around- something like that.
I have one, not sure if I still have him as a bestie, but we're still at least friends. He has too much BPD and Depression to keep contact and hang out, but we keep contact still. One time, we spoke for 6 hours at length- him for 3 hours and me for 3 hours. We helped each other sort through each others socially related situations and talked about how best to move on without infringing on anyone else and moving on with our own lives. Not many people at that time could give me that needed time in-person nor advise me in just the right way. Even if a few others could, could I trust them like I could this person?
Part of having best friends is building trust and reciprocative communication. You can't hide away and just expect someone to "be" your friend. You have to put yourself out there and take a risk. It can be scary for some.
SameStars
Well-Known Member
One of my best friends and I have talked about this subject... We used to hang out a lot in our childhood, but now we still keep in touch and meet every now and then. It's different, but it works.
Anyway I believe that the base of friendship is reciprocity, and sure, you don't have to be in contact all the time... but it shouldn't just be one-sided. I would not invest in someone who couldn't bring up interest in me, or who would seem to drop me at random. That's just emotionally exhausting. If you would explain your reasons, or if your friend is not so constant either, that would be a different dynamic, of course. No friendship is the same, just try to keep the communication open, cause it would be a shame to lose a friend to insecurity...
Anyway I believe that the base of friendship is reciprocity, and sure, you don't have to be in contact all the time... but it shouldn't just be one-sided. I would not invest in someone who couldn't bring up interest in me, or who would seem to drop me at random. That's just emotionally exhausting. If you would explain your reasons, or if your friend is not so constant either, that would be a different dynamic, of course. No friendship is the same, just try to keep the communication open, cause it would be a shame to lose a friend to insecurity...
When I think of a "best friend", I can only think of when I was four to seven years old.
Beyond that, it was only a matter of positive and negative acquaintances. Those who I interacted with for better or worse, but who I never thought actually "had my back" at any one time or place.
Beyond that, it was only a matter of positive and negative acquaintances. Those who I interacted with for better or worse, but who I never thought actually "had my back" at any one time or place.
JDShredds
Well-Known Member
My definition of best friend has evolved over time. At this point I now view it as the person that is most trusted in most circumstances. There is a certain "solidity" in a best friendship. The kind that can't be broken. I used to view it much more in a "chemistry" sort of way. Burning hot, as it were. But now I view it more grounded; a sense of permanence, trust and reliability.
I've had a pair friends for the better part of 20 years, since we were all teenagers. The friendships have been long distance the entire time. And while they're also friends with each other, they don't really stay in touch.
All 3 of us are on the spectrum. One of them I've always had more fun with than anyone else in my entire life (routine 8 hour phone calls back in the day), but he disappears for long periods of time (he struggles with a lot of chronic mental illness).
But the one I consider my best friend came to my wedding, and has stayed in touch the entire time. There's a certain "rootedness" to our friendship, observing each other go through hell and heaven repeatedly. We're basically like an annoying mirror for the other. We greet each other with middle finger emoji's and talk as if we don't even like each other, but underneath all of that its actually affection and trust. "However far I can push you shows how much I trust you." Its a funny thing, two male aspies in a long term friendship. The meaner we act, the more we trust each other. Its when we act nice that you have to worry.
So yes, I do have a best friend. And it is not conventional at all. Telling NT's my best friend lives halfway across the country doesn't seem to compute for them, but its always been natural for me.
I've had a pair friends for the better part of 20 years, since we were all teenagers. The friendships have been long distance the entire time. And while they're also friends with each other, they don't really stay in touch.
All 3 of us are on the spectrum. One of them I've always had more fun with than anyone else in my entire life (routine 8 hour phone calls back in the day), but he disappears for long periods of time (he struggles with a lot of chronic mental illness).
But the one I consider my best friend came to my wedding, and has stayed in touch the entire time. There's a certain "rootedness" to our friendship, observing each other go through hell and heaven repeatedly. We're basically like an annoying mirror for the other. We greet each other with middle finger emoji's and talk as if we don't even like each other, but underneath all of that its actually affection and trust. "However far I can push you shows how much I trust you." Its a funny thing, two male aspies in a long term friendship. The meaner we act, the more we trust each other. Its when we act nice that you have to worry.
So yes, I do have a best friend. And it is not conventional at all. Telling NT's my best friend lives halfway across the country doesn't seem to compute for them, but its always been natural for me.
One person I could possibly call that, yes. We got to know each other during second year of high school and the bond somehow survived despite passing years and my moving to a different country. Still, the more time passes with us living our own lives on two different parts of the continent, with different values and her establishing a family, the more I have an impression that this friendship will end up fading. At times it feels like she's moving on while I'm stuck. Still, whenever we meet it's like no time has passed at all, so maybe it's just my pessimism speaking.
Reirei
Dragonair is debonair.
1. To respond to the post, I kind of have a best friend? I had a best friend growing up who I was obsessed with. One summer we had a full straight month of sleepovers. Being with her was sort of like being with my now husband because we could be together while being alone (not interacting - just being in proximity of one another was enough). It lasted until we went to college. I think she had "outgrown" me or maybe I was too obsessive. I don't know. Anyway we're friend again but she lives in another state now so we only text message and she and I are both bad at responding. After her I went through a series of people I was obsessed with until I met my now husband. Now my husband is my best friend.
2. For Fino -
Almost every post I see you make, I feel like you're the gay man me in another state (& maybe with different interests). Also, it's only life ruining when you don't marry them.
2. For Fino -
Almost every post I see you make, I feel like you're the gay man me in another state (& maybe with different interests). Also, it's only life ruining when you don't marry them.
SeanDIdgeridoo1996
Well-Known Member
Had a best friend but he's decided to cut me out of his life, even going so far as blocking my number and my Steam account. I ended up in A&E just under three weeks ago because of self harm and a genuinely unstable mental state, when I told my "friend" this (keep in mind I had to listen to him go on and on about this girl he was obsessed with) he told me I'm insane and deserve to have someone's fist through my skull. At the moment I don't really have any friends and the only people I talk to are family members, luckily I'm really close to two of my cousins so I don't feel completely isolated but the lack of any genuine friendships is really bringing me down.
Ooh, that's rough. A lot of people are not emotionally equipped to work with others who may self harm themselves. So, if you can work with a therapist to help you overcome these self-harm issues, you can build your confidence and find people you can befriend again.
Also, consider meetup.com to find meetups based on your interests so that you can try to relate to people on a safe level. If you are afraid you're going to get into an episode of some sort where you don't know if the people you are with will be able to handle it, try to walk away as soon as possible. You don't want to be a danger to yourself or others. Drink water, exercise, learn some breathing exercises too. These things could help you too.
The word "Best Friend" is the most stupid idiotic term ever. What is best. Nothing is the best. There is always something you like that is better later on. This is the "best Apple I tasted" until a few months later to taste a better one.
As for a "best friend" just call friend I like I had a couple but lost them but really if they wanted to be my "friend" they could have all been "the best". Meh.
Then don't get me started on "best friend forever" nothing is "forever".
As for a "best friend" just call friend I like I had a couple but lost them but really if they wanted to be my "friend" they could have all been "the best". Meh.
Then don't get me started on "best friend forever" nothing is "forever".
Yea Right.
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Still many NTs say stupid things like she is my best friend in the entire world. Yea right.
I have one online friend who I've been emailing for the last 5-6 years. Since he's my only friend, I guess that makes him my best friend.
In real life, I recently reconnected with someone I knew in high school. He has Guillain-Barre syndrome so he was empathetic to my health and emotional problems. It felt nice speaking to someone who actually had sympathy for me, and didn't dismiss my problems as insignificant. I'm still afraid to take the plunge and call him a friend, but he's the closest thing to one I have right now.
In real life, I recently reconnected with someone I knew in high school. He has Guillain-Barre syndrome so he was empathetic to my health and emotional problems. It felt nice speaking to someone who actually had sympathy for me, and didn't dismiss my problems as insignificant. I'm still afraid to take the plunge and call him a friend, but he's the closest thing to one I have right now.
I can classify my friends throughout my line into four parts.
200? - 2011: Childhood friends
I befriended my neighbour in the early 2000's, and we befriended a new classmate in 2007.
2010 - 2013: Upper secondary friends
While not a friend I got to know a girl in my class in first year of upper secondary that I always ended up working with on projects.
In the second year I befriended a female in my class and two of her friends.
While I talked to them online quite often, But I where only with them outside of school two times.
Unfortunately it was a period of time where I was unsure of who I was, and as a result managed to loose most of the friendships I had, and dove away people I knew.
I still had contact one of them with until recently.
2012 - 2016: Learning
At the end of the second year I began to chat with a female from Oslo on the internet.
She was quite influential on who I became, but it came at the cost of our friendship.
I think she became quite annoyed/tired of me and just stopped responding to me in 2016.
I still care a lot for her, and are sorry for any harm that I might have caused her.
There might be a point in the future where I want to send her a letter to thank her for all she have done over the years.
2016 - ____: Alone
And then there is this nightmare.
The constant feeling of being alone, and the feeling of needing someone to talk to about stuff.
_ __ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ __ _
I'm sorry if this post is a bit of a mess.
It is a difficult topic for me to talk about, and there are a lot of think I don't want to write.
200? - 2011: Childhood friends
I befriended my neighbour in the early 2000's, and we befriended a new classmate in 2007.
2010 - 2013: Upper secondary friends
While not a friend I got to know a girl in my class in first year of upper secondary that I always ended up working with on projects.
In the second year I befriended a female in my class and two of her friends.
While I talked to them online quite often, But I where only with them outside of school two times.
Unfortunately it was a period of time where I was unsure of who I was, and as a result managed to loose most of the friendships I had, and dove away people I knew.
I still had contact one of them with until recently.
2012 - 2016: Learning
At the end of the second year I began to chat with a female from Oslo on the internet.
She was quite influential on who I became, but it came at the cost of our friendship.
I think she became quite annoyed/tired of me and just stopped responding to me in 2016.
I still care a lot for her, and are sorry for any harm that I might have caused her.
There might be a point in the future where I want to send her a letter to thank her for all she have done over the years.
2016 - ____: Alone
And then there is this nightmare.
The constant feeling of being alone, and the feeling of needing someone to talk to about stuff.
_ __ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ __ _
I'm sorry if this post is a bit of a mess.
It is a difficult topic for me to talk about, and there are a lot of think I don't want to write.
Nothing is the best and nothing is forever. We Aspies have common sense to know that.
I say common sense so much I got my family saying it now.
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