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Featured Best friend

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by Fiona, Mar 9, 2019.

  1. Fiona

    Fiona Cat lady

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    Do you have a best friend? Or had? How this relationship look(ed) like? Do you feel a need to have one?

    I had one. We knew each other for +10 years, through internet (but we met few times). We had some breaks - sometimes she disappeared but mostly me. And last time was probably the final one I guess. I just left her without saying anything (it was around a year ago). I thought that would be best for both of us or I don't know, I had some weird reasons. Now I regret it of course. Is running from people an Asperger's thing? I also had communication issues with her (I was afraid of hurting her, being honest, talking via voice, I wrote too much, she didn't feel appreciated by me etc) but besides that I just loved her. I still do. I was thinking about writing to her again, many times, but treating people like a hotel doesn't seem respectful at all so I decided not to. I painted a portrair of her and put into internet tho, don't know what I expect really. But yeah.

    So there is a sad one. Anyone have more optimistic stories?
     
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  2. Peter Morrison

    Peter Morrison Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    A genuine friendship won't disappear through time and distance. Friendship should have no rules and no demands either. You are friends because you both find something valuable in the other. That shouldn't change, regardless of the frequency of contact. I imagine that a phone call would make you feel good and confirm the friendship as positive and worth sustaining.
     
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  3. Sarah S

    Sarah S Active Member

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    I had YEARS ago and he`s the brother i never had from another mother BUT sadly i had to move from that part of the country due to work to the other BUT we STILL have both phone /FB contact tho He`s ALWAYS there if when i need him (One year younger then me) and we have been CLOSE friends since MANY MANY MANY years back & will most probably be so until both of no longer breath air anymore ( YES he`s ONE of the few RL REEL friends i do have )
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2019
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  4. Fiona

    Fiona Cat lady

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    Last time in this situation I did and we were able to make it work. Although she had her doubts at the beggining. But well, you're righ, I agree with this actually. I still feel about her the same. And I would feel better probably but I don't know if this is what she needs right now and this troubles me more. So I don't know what's right. I just don't know.
     
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  5. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I typically have at least one person I'm obsessed with, and I'm lucky that the current person is straight as the edge of a Bible, because dating a person you're obsessed with is life-ruining, guaranteed.
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2019
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  6. Isadoorian

    Isadoorian Well Known Chat Member, Welcomer of Newcomers V.I.P Member

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    I had a couple in Grade 6 and lasted until about Grade 10.

    1 of them moved away at the end of Grade 7 or 8 in Middle School, and the other when we were in High School eventually started hanging out with other people who I found to be super annoying and cringy and seemed to want to hang out with them more. The 1st friend who left then came back around the middle of Grade 12, but smoked and all that stuff, and I've never been into that crap.

    There was a few other guys from School and their mutual friends I hung out with after HS and played Magic the Gathering and Warhammer 40K with but then I moved over a year ago, and have yet to truly befriend anyone here
     
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  7. Major Tom

    Major Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I had a lot of friends (surprisingly) as I grew up. My two best ones passed away when I was 19 and 20. I still have 2 or 3 good ones, but we rarely speak anymore. I think it is an autistic thing to run away, I do it all the time.
    Lately, other than online friends I have no real life friends. Kind of lonely, but less drama. I have enough with my family.
     
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  8. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard

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    I have a best friend. We’ve been friends for 16 years through ups and downs. There was a time when we saw each other every day, but that was too much for me. We don’t see each other that often these days because I prefer being alone, but we text most days.
    We are very close in that we can tell each other pretty much everything, and because we have so much history we’ve seen the best as well as the worst sides of each other.
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2019
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  9. Rexi

    Rexi owo uwu owo ProbablyAspie Atheist Science=<3

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    I have an aspie bestie friend [female]. She often used to blame herself for things that to me didn't matter compared to the rewards of being her friend. She does improve herself for friends I have noticed, quite impressively. I think you should maybe talk to them about your issues and see what their feelings are about it. But if they still reply to you im sure theres not much of an issue even if you don't change anything.
     
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  10. SunnyDay16

    SunnyDay16 Well-Known Member

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    Yes. I have one best friend who I've been friends with since elementary school, and he's stuck by me ever since. There was a period where we weren't really in contact (he went to a different school than me), but when we did finally talk on the phone it was like we never lost contact to begin with.
     
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  11. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    I know people that I participate in some activity with. There are people that I go four wheeling with, golfing with, shooting with or working with. Back in my younger days, I knew people that I went dirt biking or snowmobiling with. I have not seen any of them in many years. Non of these people know each other and I just know them thru that activity. However, I do have a best friend, a friend of more than fifty years, my wife.
     
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  12. Bronzelincolns

    Bronzelincolns Active Member

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    I had someone you would call a "best friend" years ago. haven't talked to this person in over a decade though. looking back, I didn't treat him very well. I was into games and he had games so I would go over his place and play them. I changed and developed different interests and values and we stopped talking.

    I have personally questioned the concept of friendship altogether. seems like it's just a word for those who have similar interests, values, and goals. once those things change, the relationship changes or even dissolves. not to say that I think the concept of friendship is bunk, but that the whole "friends forever" thing only goes as far as your interests, values, and goals remain similar or compatible.
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2019
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  13. invisibility003

    invisibility003 Well-Known Member

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    My beagle is my best friend :dogface::) He's the most loyal and caring old boy and so sensitive. We both look after each other. He's my 24/7 beagle therapist (but way better, naughtier, more stubborn and much less annoying than human ones :D) And he doesn't talk or judge! He just sniffs...and snuggles up...and tries to steal my food...and does the worst farts....:p
     
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  14. Bronzelincolns

    Bronzelincolns Active Member

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    animals are oh so simple..

    ...just feed'em.
     
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  15. Fiona

    Fiona Cat lady

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    My cat doesn't like me that much tho... :< So it's platonic bestfriendship :sob:
     
  16. Bronzelincolns

    Bronzelincolns Active Member

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    cats are a bit eccentric.
     
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  17. joe2006

    joe2006 Well-Known Member

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    I had a best friend about 13 years ago. We used to hang out on the weekends and play computer games. I even had her in most of my classes in high school. Then I moved halfway across the country and I have not seen her since. This is one of the few people I have known that I can call a true friend. I still talk to her on the phone from time to time.
     
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  18. Clueless in Canada

    Clueless in Canada Well-Known Member

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    My partner is my best friend and I consider my mother another of my closest friends. I have a dear friend whom I've known since we were 6 years old and we are now 51 but there were two periods of falling out and one of them lasted ten years. I had my autistic issues and she had some maturing to do and we live in different cities, even different countries, so the process of sorting out the misunderstanding was slow. I'm so glad we did, though and we have now agreed that we won't ever let something like that happen again. We will both take responsibility for being truthful and for reaching out to not let the other person misunderstand anything. We both made mistakes but we are like family now. We only get to see each other a few times a year for about a couple of hours each time, but of course communication via internet is free and easy.
     
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  19. Mathalamus

    Mathalamus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    i used to have a best friend, for around 10 years. the friendship ended because i have not changed from how i was when i was young, and she didnt like it. oh well. it hurt, but, such is life.
     
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  20. Ronin82

    Ronin82 Dog Trainer Extraordinaire

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    I seem to make triads. My dog pack had 2 dogs and me, and we completed each other so perfectly, functioned as one unit. I have two human friends who do the same thing. When we are together, we function as a single unit, call ourselves the 3 Musketeers, and have great energy. Separately, things get quiet, especially if its me and one of them. The other two have a level of friendship with each other that I don't think I'm capable of. They both love me, but in a different way than each other. It's painful to observe sometimes, but it seems to be part of my autistic self. Now, the exuberant one who pulls both of us hermits out of our respective shells is moving to Japan for a while. I'm sure we'll keep in touch while she's there, but the dynamic will be so different. Fortunately, her whole family is on the Spectrum, so they "adopted" me, but its still going to be a totally different experience going to dinner on Friday nights without her. These two people are the only ones beside my therapist who know and accept me for everything I am, and I will be lost without their friendship. Hoping I can find a way to make new friends, even though I know friendship with me is difficult...I don't connect with people very well.
     
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