Being vulnerable with my girlfriend

[Greatshield17]

I'm having difficulty being open and vulnerable with my girlfriend. Even my sense of integrity gets weakened around her, and I sometimes end up blurting out dishonest replies.

I think the key problem is, I'm worried about making her feel like a burden. As a child, my mother was constantly complaining about things and I grew up feeling like I was a burden to her, and that she was too weak to care for me and look after me. (this led to a whole host of problems in my life, many of which I still struggle with.)

The last thing I want is to treat my wife and kids like that, but the problem is, I also need to be honest with my girlfriend and tell her about the difficulties, struggles and shortcomings I'm facing; I'm scared of complaining too much. (I think I've inherited a lot of my mother's negativity.)

What is your advice?

 

[Fino]

Don't think of it as burdening her or even that you're unburdening yourself. These kinds of conversations promote intimacy. Think of intimacy as the primary goal.

 

[Aspychata]

Think l have heard to start with one good thing, then eek out the not so good thing. Then the conversation will not be viewed as negative but as open-ended and invite her to discuss things. It's important to not label this as complaints, it's better PR to discuss *some understandings * that need tweaking or some choice of words besides negative connotation type words. Then intimacy and caring become more central and you both feel relief to air out things (issues).

 

[Greatshield17]

Thanks everyone, unfortunately I wasn't able to talk with my girlfriend today; the camera on my computer isn't working.

Hopefully I'll get working by tomorrow. I do enjoy talking to her, she's very wise and supportive, I really want to take our relationship deeper, and be more open, trustworthy and trusting around her.

 

[Tom]

Negativity baaaaddd. Positivity good. Accept and do not try and correct your partners minor foibles - and unless we are talking life and death here, its minor. Critizing one another is like the relationship taking a slow working but virually always lethal poison

 

[Raggamuffin]

If you can't say things face to face, write them down or send an email or use an instant messaging programme.

Ed

 

[Suzanne]

Since you have replies, I have to ask out of curiosity, are you committing adultery? Because you talk about a wife and children, but also about a girlfriend?

 

[Gerontius]

Since you have replies, I have to ask out of curiosity, are you committing adultery? Because you talk about a wife and children, but also about a girlfriend?

He's thinking to the future. Catholics look forward to marriage & families, in a lot of cases. To him his girlfriend is being considered for a potential future wife, and she is likely considering him as a husband-to-be. Children are a factor to be considered; Catholics are not permitted contraceptives or abortion.

 

[Suzanne]

He's thinking to the future. Catholics look forward to marriage & families, in a lot of cases. To him his girlfriend is being considered for a potential future wife, and she is likely considering him as a husband-to-be. Children are a factor to be considered; Catholics are not permitted contraceptives or abortion.

I wasn't sure, that is why I asked, but yes, can see now that he means the future and yes, I know that about catholics, because I was raised one myself, before much later in my adult years, choosing a different faith.

Understand about abortion, but contraception? That is not even mentioned in the bible!

 

[Juliettaa]

I wasn't sure, that is why I asked, but yes, can see now that he means the future and yes, I know that about catholics, because I was raised one myself, before much later in my adult years, choosing a different faith.

Understand about abortion, but contraception? That is not even mentioned in the bible!

Catholic - introduction
The Church forbids sex outside marriage, so its teachings about birth control should be understood in the context of husband and wife.

The Roman Catholic Church believes that using contraception is "intrinsically evil" in itself, regardless of the consequences. Catholics are only permitted to use natural methods of birth control.

But the Church does not condemn things like the pill or condoms in themselves. What is morally wrong is using such things with the intention of preventing conception. Using them for other purposes is fine - for example, using the pill to regulate the periods of a woman who is not in a sexual relationship is not wrong.

The Church teaches that using artificial contraception is wrong because:

• it is against 'natural law'
• it breaks the natural connection between the procreative and the unitive purposes of sex
• it turns sex into a non-marital act
• it gives human beings the power to decide when a new life should begin - that power belongs to God
• it leads to widespread immorality
• it damages the institution of marriage
• it reduces male respect for women
• it gives human beings the idea that they can have complete power over the body
• it allows the implementation of eugenic programmes

https://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/christianity/christianethics/contraception_1.shtml#:~:text=The Roman Catholic Church believes,pill or condoms in themselves.

 

[Bolletje]

Try to shift away from seeing opening up and being vulnerable as burdening someone else. See it as sharing what's on your mind and thus including the other person in your life. For me, there's no sense in building a life together if you can't be open and honest. That being said, there's a time and a place for little white lies.

 

[Greatshield17]

Understand about abortion, but contraception? That is not even mentioned in the bible!

I won't quote it here because it might be to graphic for this site but, read the account of Onan in the Book of Genesis, that event does implicitly address contraception. Also we believe that Our Lord's words in St. Matthew 19:4-6 applies to human sexuality as a whole and not just divorce and remarriage, as was being addressed there.

 

[Greatshield17]

But the Church does not condemn things like the pill or condoms in themselves. What is morally wrong is using such things with the intention of preventing conception. Using them for other purposes is fine - for example, using the pill to regulate the periods of a woman who is not in a sexual relationship is not wrong.

I didn't know that about contraceptive being allowed for health reasons, if they are not used specifically for preventing conception. That is interesting.