Analytical Aspie or Emotional Aspie?

[On the Inside]

I was doing some searching through old threads to get some perspective on commitment in long term relationships on this and another ASD forum and came across a distinction I hadn't heard before.

There were people who said they attributed their success in relationships to they or their partner being analytical Aspies rather than emotional Aspies. It is easier to deal with someone long term who is more cold and unemotional, than someone who is up and down emotionally, or has meltdowns.

Now I consider myself very analytical. I will deliberate and research and discuss way beyond what is necessary to make a decision. Sometimes I can zero in on an accurate analysis rather quickly. I have been able to work out some very complex issues, problems and puzzles. But I am also pretty emotional, and sometimes I throw out all the analysis and let the emotions take over, usually with disastrous results, or at least less than ideal results.

So this difference, that I have emotional regulation problems, keeps me from being purely analytical, and therefore, I have trouble with long term relationships?

 

[Harrison]

I am just like that. Never seen it written so succinctly.

Now I need to ponder upon it.

 

[Spiller]

There were people who said they attributed their success in relationships to they or their partner being analytical Aspies rather than emotional Aspies. It is easier to deal with someone who is more cold and unemotional long term, than someone who is up and down emotionally, or has meltdowns.

But I am also pretty emotional, and sometimes I throw out all the analysis and the emotions take over, usually with disastrous results, or at least less than ideal results.

I also am very much like this!
I've read many times that the cold, analytical Aspie can't hold down a relationship with an NT as the NT requires emotional input, especially an Aspie man and NT woman.
Personally, my first relationship hated my meltdowns, but my second loved my ability to express emotion.
Perhaps it just comes down to two compatible people who understand each others' issues?

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Now I need to ponder upon it.

Oh lordie.
I read that Aspie men aren't emotional. Now I'm confused again!

 

[Grumpy Cat]

, but my second loved my ability to express emotion.

Depends on what kind of emotion it is.

 

[Harrison]

Oh lordie.
I read that Aspie men aren't emotional. Now I'm confused again!

I can be highly emotional in my relationships, sometimes too much. I can also be cold as ice, and sometimes I get in trouble because I pick the wrong time to be one or the other.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I can be highly emotional in my relationships, sometimes too much. I can also be cold as ice, and sometimes I get in trouble because I pick the wrong time to be one or the other.

Harrison don't worry about it. You keep that eye tic thing going and you should be good in any situation - hot or cold.

 

[Judge]

Oh lordie.
I read that Aspie men aren't emotional. Now I'm confused again!

Angie, I keep seeing you post things about Aspies in such absolute, conditional terms. The reality is that we are a jumble of contradictions. You're looking for logic and consistency where quite often there is none.

Perhaps our contradictions are one of the few consistencies about us in general.

And yes, more often than not it can make life hell for us.

 

[Spiller]

Oh lordie.
I read that Aspie men aren't emotional. Now I'm confused again!

I guess it comes down to that old sliding scale again Angie, my sweet.. I overload sometimes when talking to people when I can't contain the empathic feelings I'm receiving from them; it's a constant battle for me to keep my emotions in check
The problem is, sometimes I understand how and what they're feeling.. if they're unguarded at that moment, I think. Other times people are so shut off inside themselves, the emotion they're showing is different from what I can feel and I get confused.. that'd be the Aspie in me

 

[Grumpy Cat]

You're looking for logic and consistency where there is none.

You guys must be rubbing off on me. Isn't "logic" your guys' department?

 

[Nadador]

I wouldn't think it's as simple as that. From my own [admittedly scant] experience of partnerships, so much of success in a relationship depends on the other person, and the balance within each of you as well as between you. Sort of like what Spiller just said. Were you wholly cool and analytical, you might find many partners unable to relate to you. An NT in particular may actually identify better with your outer emotional displays than your inner Aspie logician. The first time I had a bit of a tantrum, my partner said he was actually relieved to see I had an "emotional side". I would expect the biggest trouble would come when the only time one showed emotions is when they came unhinged.

Oh lordie.
I read that Aspie men aren't emotional. Now I'm confused again!

I've yet to find a generalisation about Aspie men that is entirely true. Judging only myself, I am no less capable of emotion than other men. I just express emotions differently, with different triggers, and different timing. If I appear to be entirely devoid of feeling at times, it's just as often because I'm holding back than not actually feeling. I learned very early that my emotions needed tight control, as I couldn't often manage them properly.

I can be highly emotional in my relationships, sometimes too much. I can also be cold as ice, and sometimes I get in trouble because I pick the wrong time to be one or the other.

Me, too. It seems that the times when my partners have most needed to see my feelings, have often been the same times in which I feel most compelled to keep them down. Once I put the lock on, they're as good as nonexistant.

 

[Judge]

You guys must be rubbing off on me. Isn't "logic" your guys' department?

It can be. And in the same relative time frame it may be quite the opposite. Just as we can love a person and loathe humanity. Or crave solitude and yet be terribly lonely. All at the same time.

If anything what it is to be Aspie is to frequently be at odds with one's self. Better to identify that dynamic first and foremost, rather than to make any conditional assumptions such as we're exclusively logical, and never lie.

 

[Nadador]

You guys must be rubbing off on me. Isn't "logic" your guys' department?

Generally, maybe. But it also serves us well to remain a mystery to you lot.

 

[Harrison]

It seems that the times when my partners have most needed to see my feelings, have often been the same times in which I feel most compelled to keep them down. Once I put the lock on, they're as good as nonexistant.

We really are the same person.

 

[Nadador]

We really are the same person.

Welcome to the multiverse.

 

[Judge]

Welcome to the multiverse.

Or the "Underverse"...depending on how grim things might be.

 

[On the Inside]

I'm in a relationship with an NT woman, and I have begun to pinpoint the essence of our difficulties. She is a very analytical person, it is one of her strongest points, and allowed her to be quite successful in her chosen fields. She is also highly emotional, her mother was Italian. There is a lot of yelling.

My problem is her analyzing me and my issues, reactions and non-reactions which are usually fear and anxiety related. She asks questions and I am unable to answer them. I seem unable to look closely at my emotional impulses, to analyze them, I am too close to them. I can try to go back to them after the fact and piece them together, but there is still this foggy mysterious space that is a big blank. That space seems to be the rather large gap between the logical, rational mind and the impulsive, emotional mind.

How do these two minds interact, if they can at all? How are people able to reconcile and regulate the interaction?

 

[Suzanne]

I am both but depending on the mood, the balance slides from either too analytical to too emotional.

I must say I would rather be just analytical; save a whole lot of grief!

 

[Suzanne]

I'm in a relationship with an NT woman, and I have begun to pinpoint the essence of our difficulties. She is a very analytical person, it is one of her strongest points, and allowed her to be quite successful in her chosen fields. She is also highly emotional, her mother was Italian.

My problem is her analyzing me and my issues, reactions and non-reactions which are usually fear and anxiety related. She asks questions and I am unable to answer them. I seem unable to look closely at my emotional impulses, to analyze them, I am too close to them. I can try to go back to them after the fact and piece them together, but there is still this foggy mysterious space that is a big blank. That space seems to be the rather large gap between the logical, rational mind and the impulsive, emotional mind.

How do these two minds interact, if they can at all? How are NT's able to reconcile and regulate the interaction?

This so happens to me! My mind is just empty on how to answer straight away and then perhaps another day, I think: ah that is the answer, but by that time the question has been forgotten and thus.....

 

[Judge]

I must say I would rather be just analytical; save a whole lot of grief!

True dat!