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I get really upset when people complain or are mean to me for being "childlike." My childhood and innocence were stolen from me, so I had to be mature, responsible, tough, defensive, and parent myself when I was way too young to worry about any of those things. So I'm being childish now, when I'm more than a quarter through my life, because now I'm happier living life with the joy and curiosity I was never allowed.I hate asking for help, and I NEVER ask for favors from friends because I feel guilty (even though they ask me for favors all the time.) I’m not feeling well and I’m running out of food because I haven’t gone grocery shopping. I texted a friend and reluctantly asked for help and her response was literally “No. I can’t help you. That’s so selfish.” So I just spent almost $50 on a delivery order. I’m so angry.I had short hair for most of my life, and when it was short, it was straight. So naturally, I assumed I had straight hair. But SURPRISE! It’s super dense and curly and I have no idea what to do with it lol. It eats hair clips and attacks my detangling brush. I have wavy extensions right now which I think is exacerbating the problem…
My dogs are all howling right now. Enzo is always the one who starts it. People always ask me if Pointers are quiet dogs. They are not. They howl, bark, whine, sing, yodel, grunt, snort, groan, squeak, and "talk." They are the most vocal breed of dog I have ever had. No one can even go near my front door without Enzo barking or howling. Sure, it's annoying, but it's typical. Pointers are not a low maintenance dog lolMore GI upset after going out last night and getting cold brew coffee and a pretzel hotdog. My girlfriend ate the same stuff and isn’t sick so I know it’s a “me” problem. Someone recommended an IBD/Crohn’s medication to me (starts with an E[?] but I forget) but the side effects sound horrible and I’m wary of a lot of meds with bad side effects. Not sure how to proceed.Having my hair layered will not work, unfortunately. It is so thick and bushy that even brushing it or straightening it is a challenge, and I'm constantly losing bobby pins in my hair. I'm a bit surprised since this is the first time in my life I have had more than shoulder-length hair, and when it was short it was very straight. Now it's like a Brillo pad lol.I'm disappointed in myself because I couldn't do the blood test at the doctor's office. I had a panic attack and cried and had to leave. I don't mind getting tattoos or piercings too much, and I can tolerate vaccines, but having blood drawn is just so disturbing to me. The sight of blood makes me really queasy and lightheaded, and it's even worse when it's leaving my own body. I have another appointment later today.I'm thinking of getting my hair layered or something. I don't know if it would look good or bad. I have gotten my hair trimmed, colored, and gotten extensions in the past year or so but I have not had an actual haircut. One thing I know for sure is that I do not look good with bangs/fringe lolI’m tired of having to be strong. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep doing every single thing in my life by myself. But when I’m true to myself and stop masking, I lose everyone. Now I understand why some people feel that being autistic decreases their quality of life. All I have ever wanted was to feel accepted and loved, and I’ve lost most of the chance of that. I’m not even accepted or loved by my own family.Two people yelled and swore at me today. One person who cut me off while I was driving, who acted like it was my fault. The other was parents of some kids who my friend’s (very friendly, small) dog approached in the park. They cussed me out in front of their two young daughters!! My response to them swearing at me was “He’s not my dog, but have a nice day” (sarcastic) to which they responded with a lot of F bombs. -
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I woke up with a very painful, bumpy rash all over my lower body. I’m not sure if I was ever vaccinated for shingles or chicken pox because my childhood medical history is mostly unknown.