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Feeling physically safe with a man

I feel safe with my date of these days. What I mean by “safe” is the physical part of being safe, and I’m not referring to the lack of fear of being abused by him (that’s another horrible fear, but not the subject of this post. To clarify doubts, I feel safe with him in that aspect too).

I mean that first, he’s brave, second that he’s aware of his surroundings.

Let’s go with the first one, the brave part: yesterday he went to climb AT NIGHT the boulder called Peña de Bernal with a small group of people (an hour from where I live) and he camped up there, at the top.

He is also a vet and is around dogs all the time. His parents train guardian dogs, so that says a lot. He also rides a bike everywhere when he’s not transporting dogs, people, or something else.

Let’s compare with my ex: literally, if he saw a bug at home he would yell at me to come kill it. He was not ashamed of it, and we would joke about it, but after 18 years, it was not fun anymore. Last time he saw a spider in his closet, I was at the kitchen, and he was all dressed up for work. As always, he calls me, and I ask him (a bit exasperated) “gimme your shoe (one he was wearing) so I can kill it” (the rest of the shoes where at the closet, where the spider was, and his shoes are better for this, since they are bigger… see? I’m almost a pro-bug -killer). His answer: “What? No, no, my shoes are clean”.

Of course, hearing that, I almost became a pro-husband-killer also… (kidding!!).

One time the ex actually made us (he, myself, the kids) go back to the city because when we arrived to the hotel by the beach that I had booked, it didn’t have a good heating system and was “too ugly” (It was cold, but not too cold, with a good blanket, we would have been good for the night, but he was afraid it was going to be too cold).

One last comparison: while my date rides a bike, my ex wouldn’t even get in a roller coaster with his twelve-year-old daughter!

I rest my case.

Let’s move on to the other aspect of feeling safe, the fact of being aware of our surroundings. I won’t compare my new date with the ex, because the ex was actually too aware, to the point of paranoia. That’s not good either, since then he gets paralized by fear.

I’m going to compare my new date with another recent date, the Israeli-American (he would say he was just Israeli, but come on! He grew up in Olympia, Washington) that used to be a soldier, living in a kibutz for two years, and then spent ten years in the reserve, when he would be called to serve watching for Palestinians in the frontier. Tough guy, you’d think right?

Maybe over there, but here, in México, he was not aware of his surroundings. Two times he left his smartphone alone, on a table in a restaurant and I had to pick it up, joking to him: “Hey, just as I picked it up, anyone could have done it, don’t do that”, and he would just laugh, as if I was joking! This is Mexico, Latin America, Querétaro, where I live, is very safe, but you still have to watch for yourself. Actually, I think anywhere in the world, where there’s other people around, you have to watch for yourself and your belongings.

I felt as if I was with one of my kids and I had to keep an eye on his stuff. Ridiculous.

But, with the man I’m dating right now is another story. He told me, after we first kissed in a restaurant table, that we had forgotten about my purse, and that we were so concentrated that anyone could have grabbed it in an instant. The realization suddenly sank in, we should have been more careful, but at the same time I was relieved that he was thinking about it, worrying about my stuff, and not the other way around (me worrying about his stuff) like with the ex-soldier.

Probably the reason why he’s aware of his surroundings like me, is because he used to live in a very dangerous city, like me (although I must say that I’m a bit more careful than him. When we went to his house, he had left a spare key to the main door in between some bricks in the wall outside. That’s a big no-no in my unwritten rules-of-life- book, even if his neighborhood is a gated community, but I let that go).

Here’s the interesting part: he is very strong, but he’s also short and thin. In spite of that, I’ve never felt so safe with anyone in my life. Go figure, life is full if surprises.


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