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Working with "interesting" female in a group full of guys

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by Jorg, Mar 19, 2018.

  1. Jorg

    Jorg Well-Known Member

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    I didn't know if I should post this here or love/dating section. Anyway, I'm very confused and I don't know what the hell is happenning.

    You'll see, I'm starting to get to now a female collegue here in university. In electronics engineering there aren't a lot of women, I think the guy-girl ratio is like 40 to 1 or something. It's been years since I worked with a female collegue and I feel weird, not because of her capacity but because I find her interesting, like...you know...I kind of like her, and it's even weird because it's been years since I had a female friend, the last friendships I started are from highscholl (like 10 years ago). Sure I've talked with some girls in university but working this close in groups is very different.

    The plot gets worse because were working in groups of 4 people and 3 of us are guys, I know this guys for years and are very cool guys. I don't know if it is a evolutionary thing, an alpha male kind of behavior but I felt inside me like I should top these guys and be better than them, showing my leadership and features in front of her =/

    Along the years I've experienced a lot of rejection and pain when it comes to dating woman and being romantically interested in someone, so I really know I have to take thins very slow and careful, develop a friendship and get to know people. But I guess or I fear my actions or mannering will show my "feelings" or give her the impression I find her interesting.

    I'll definetly know I can't endangered the good work/"friend" relationship I Have with this 2 guys only for a girl, but this situation just gets me confused.
     
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  2. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    :)

    I think this girl wants an electronic engineering qualification and not necessarily birth your progeny

    She’s spending a fortune on education to further her career opportunities not meet and secure a future genetically clever husband ensuring gifted children.

    If you can change your thinking and see this talented young lady as an equal, an awesome brain and not just her breeding potential, perhaps your urge to try to compete and impress her will subside?
    (The equivalent of a bucket of cold water or bromide)

    I’m pulling your leg a little bit. (Joking)
    I’d agree with you on the evolutionary/ biological attraction thing.

    If you like her, ask her out?

    The group dynamics may change if you were to start courting/dating each other?

    If you like the dynamics as they stand,
    Plenty of cold showers and a ‘poker face’ may work?
     
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  3. LucyPurrs

    LucyPurrs NT, INFJ V.I.P Member

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    Well, you didn't say if you're in a course situation which will end and therefore you could focus on the teamwork/project and just be friendly and get to know her until the project ends. After it ends you'd not endanger your relationship with your male friends as the project would be finished. Then you could ask her out for coffee or something non threatening to see if she'll accept. Don't try to be an alpha male, it could be a turnoff.
     
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  4. Theta.G

    Theta.G Well-Known Member

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    Ah, gamer girl syndrome.
    Think of anime harem's. Reverse Harem's.
    If you were dropped into an all girls school and you're the only boy there... what would happen?
    The situations are similar. You would be viewed as a potential mate to all and have your selection. She is viewed as a potential mate to all and has her selection. Scarcity amplifies desire. Places the subject on a pedestal.
    (Black Friday in the united states. Everyone's gunning for the limited quantity $300.00 50inch tv at Bestbuy. Step over each other to get one)

    If you get involved in a more balanced community even just once or twice a week you won't be as caught up in the madness. That is, if your feelings didn't develop into something more yet.
     
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2018
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  5. nowwhat

    nowwhat Well-Known Member

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    It's just the context, pheromones, etc. Focus on the course and why you're there.
     
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  6. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    And will ordering online for this work?
     
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  7. Jorg

    Jorg Well-Known Member

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    Hey , take it easy, I'm not saying I'm seeing her as an object or someting, I'm just saying she seems nice, I mean, almost all the time I'm sorrounded by guys, and even in engineering I struggle to adapt since most of the men like anime and that stuff or going to party, I'm just not into any of those things so it is a little hard for me to interact with other people and when a girl is present it's a whole different story. I'm just saying.

    Besides I try to look beyond of physical appareance, even when I find a girl pretty, most of the time
    I get hooked by her personality and inteligence over other stuff.

    Add the fact that (due to reasons we will not be analyzing here) I'm almost always the older guy in the classroom, I mean I'm like 4 years older than most of my classmates so the chances decrease even more.

    I'm probably confused because it's been like 10 years since last time I got a crush on someone (new) (a couple of horrible/weird stories a long the way, with girls I met in high school), and it is like starting all over again, from scratch.

    I've analized my behavior and it only gets weird when she's around, today I didn't shared a lecture with her and everything was normal again. That's why I keep thinking in the evolutionary aspect:
    pheromones.
     
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  8. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I was serious about this young lady’s focus and goals but teasing you about your crush.

    You sound quite sweet on her.
    Even your behaviour changes when in her company. :)

    Sometimes the slightly older guy has the advantage over the younger more immature ones.
    Tend to be less excitable, less impulsive and more reliable so don’t rule out your chances just yet.

    If she just wants to do well on her project and has no interest in meaningful relationships I imagine she’ll be friendly with everyone in the group, paying no particular attention to any one of you. Equally attentive to all of you.

    Is she mimicking any one person in your group?
    Hand gestures? Posture?

    When you all find something amusing and start to laugh all at once, who does she look at first?
     
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  9. Jorg

    Jorg Well-Known Member

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    Well, I think I'm getting used to this "new work environment" XD, I try to be friendly and sometimes share funny images (memes) on the whatsapp group we create for the work team, I've shared only couple directly with her just making things slow and try to being friendly.

    As I travel in car from university to my house I sometimes gave her, and my friends a ride close to their apartments, specially like today, we finish lectures at 9pm and it's a little dangerous to walk alone at night (or even in group) near campus, today I left her in front of her apartment, I told her it wasn't an issue to deviate a couple of blocks so she (and my friends) get safe.
     
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