Wow all the negativity totally made me make this account. Sooo... yea doesn't sound like you are the top choice for women. So you have 3 choices... 1) Not get a girlfriend and play games all day and be the totally awesome guild leader and totally pwn all the noobs that think they can get away with playing a few hours in the weekends because otherwise their girlfriends would totally break up with them... That reminds me... I need to get back into gaming... 2) Get a girlfriend with... all of the negative qualities you have. 3) Fix the negative qualities that you can and then... get a girlfriend with... all of the negative qualities you have left.
In the order listed:
Duh. Fix it.
Stop licking your lips. It dehydrates them and cause the skin to peel... which then causes red lips. Moisturize if that isn't enough (Who cares if it's gay) and protect with petroleum jelly.
How little are we talking here?
How big and deformed are we talking here? Last resort... nose job. Unless you got a thing for girls with big and deformed noses
Ok so how bushy are we talking here? For a guy strong eyebrows are a + not a -. If they are grandpa eyebrows you can just trim them down a bit but be careful because eyebrows require a true master to not mess it up. Just look at the girls with the drawn on eyebrows. Don't end up like them. You have been warned.
Fix thy gait. Or register it at the ministry of funny walks. You could totally make a killing. Yes. Unfunny Monty Python reference there. I'm autistic, what did you expect?
Probably has something to do with the funny walk? Fix it and the walking would be possible to fix too.
Again. Fix it. Yes you can as an adult. There's exercises for it. Just try and see.
Eat healthier. Drink a lot of water. Stop eating junk. Chocolate, candy and that stuff makes me pimple out as well. Cleaning the skin often with sensitive cleaning agents could help. Dermatologists are a last resort.
Stop with the weird gaze then. A lot of this is just behaviour you choose to exhibit, mate. I always had a weird look in my eyes as well. Not anymore. Except when I want someone to go away.
This is cheating. You cannot use 2 negatives so closely related to inflate your list.
Bone continues to grow in adult life. It can be fixed but depending on how crooked it can be quite difficult. Be careful to not destroy your fingers since doctors are too stupid to admit such a thing can be done without surgery. I would say if the bones in your fingers are bent then they can be straightened. If the actual joint is crooked then learn to live with it.
Wear pants. Or squat. Muscle might make them look better.
Weightlifting. Same as above basicly.
Haircut can cover it up. Assuming your forehead is really too long to begin with and you are not just overreacting on literally everything.
Birthmarks can be removed. If they are in the area of beard growth you can cover them up that way. Removing them would mean they would have to be... well... very unsightly. Are they? I am not sure if you are being perfectly honest with some of these so I'm just giving the advice assuming it's really bad.
You can learn how to talk better. On the upside, girls that talk weird and are bad at talking and are like totally shy are soooooooo cute. So make sure what you are giving up before learning how to talk better! Seriously. Learning how to become better at talking is possible. Improvement is improvement. Bleah how redundant.
Voice can be improved with exercises and training.
There are these parlors filled to the brim with demonic Asian girls that love nothing more than to torture hairy guys. Visit them.
TMI bro. TMI. But yes. I'm ashamed to even admit knowing this, but yes. You can fix it. First post and already I've been tricked into being the "creepy dude that knows way too much about male genitalia". Thanks.
Tweezers! Get to work.
I don't even know what that is.
Are you fat? Hmm... Heavy weightlifting might not be a good suggestion for some of the other problems considering this is caused by factors that can't be controlled. The squatting atleast. DB Curls should still be possible for arms.
Haircut.
Eh... How big exactly?
You lucky, lucky man.
Not having friends doesn't matter as long as you are proud of it. Friends are usually made by having some hobbies in common or from school. Friends from work are a ticking time bomb. You don't sound like the kinda guy that's pursuing any hobbies (Judging from the fact that you have so much time to wallow in negativity) so finding some would probably automatically make you end up with friends. Assuming you first fix your social issues. Drooling is totes not cool.
If you were a hot stud football player with a square jaw and Dyslexia all the girls would be like "No he's not a dumb jock! He has Dyslexia!". So this is not a negative.
Just so happens that I am an expert on stupid people. I am the Jane Goodall of stupid people. Stupid people exhibit many different behaviours. Just when you think you've seen them do the dumbest thing possible, another behaviour pops up that is, while previously thought impossible, even dumber. The one behaviour I have never seen stupid people engage in, however, is referring to themselves as stupid or low IQ. Those that do realize they have low IQ (through a test they were forced to do) consider IQ tests to be a farce and as such consider IQ to be a meaningless metric.
Contacts.
Lots of cuddling dogs and cats. Face your fears head on! Cute kittens and puppies await!
You won't if you don't try, no. Have you even done an IQ test? Assuming you really have low IQ, no you won't. You don't need a lot of money if you don't spend a lot of money.
Yea... uhm... fix it. Train those muscles around your mouth or whatever. I'm assuming here that you don't have something like CP or permanently damaged nerves that prevent full control over muscles. Even if your nerves are weak (which is possibly what causes the drooling) you can strengthen control over the muscles.
Myobrace, dentist visits and good brushing/flossing. In case all else fails, whitening teeth but that shouldn't be necessary. Also avoid stuff like tea and coffee that can stain teeth.
Speech training can either fix or improve it.
Then start practicing less blinking...
Stop doing that.
Dandruff is nothing more than flaky scalp skin. It could be actually caused by shampoo or soap. Perhaps dehydration. There's also a number of skin conditions that cause it. Start eliminating possible causes (from easiest to hardest) and you should find the culprit eventually.
I sweat a lot too. There's worse things in life than being a sweaty pervert.
Sounds like sleep apnea. This is a serious health issue and you have a bigger problem than just getting girls when it comes to this. Are you fat? If so lose weight. There's various devices from very cheap and simple to frigging CPAP machines to fix such issues if you are not fat. Lose weight if you are though.
Another "2 for the price of 1". This is caused by sleep apnea. It's very dangerous and is the first thing for you to focus on fixing.
Clothes make the man. Maybe you just try out the wrong stuff. You need to fix other issues related with your appearance first, however. I would still not suggest you pick out your clothes. You need some stylish chick (or gay dude) to help you with that. And it's better to fix other parts of appearance first. Wardrobe changes can be quite expensive.
Direct neck training (don't do anything crazy) can make the neck appear more balanced. Pencil neck is most likely making your neck look so long. I would not do this until the sleep apnea thing is eliminated through weight loss. Otherwise I would not do this and you should live with the long neck because a thicker neck will make a sleep apnea worse.
Sheesh. That was a long one. As you can see, there's already a bunch that are easily fixed... in like... a week. Then there's the more difficult ones that take years. Then there's the stuff that requires surgery and the plain impossible (or maybe possible but not worth it through surgery). Even just fixing the first 2 categories that might in total require 1000-2000 bucks can improve things a lot over the next 3 years. It does require a ton of effort, though.
Eh. Girlfriends are overrated anyway. Can be nice, but don't be too depressed if the only ones you can get aren't up to your standards. If you fixate on it like it's your purpose in life then life might just pass you by. Find some hobbies that make you happy or give you some goal to reach. I mean an actual goal. Not "get girlfriend". I know that when you are in this place, these kind of words seem totally alien and don't resonate at all... but just take my word for it. Unfortunately the only way to truly fix this mindset is to get a girlfriend... and another... and another... until you're like "Ok I'm holding out for a good one now, so I can focus on important stuff because girlfriends keep getting in the way of my goals".
I think the most important goals to set in your list are those related to your health. Whether you need an expensive CPAP machine or just clean up your diet, these are things that are very important to fix ASAP.
