Here's how I explain most of the problems I experienced throughout my life:
Explanation of above diagram:
I acted differently than most people because I was born with autism genes. When I did, people criticized and judged me for it. I felt worse. I either blamed myself for not being good enough or blamed others for being too critical of those who are different. When I told people how I felt they’d react negatively and say I was being too sensitive or tell me to “Get over it!” No one understood or could relate to how I felt. I felt rejected and alone. That made me think I was different than everyone else and didn’t belong. I tried to hide my differences to avoid negative reactions. Yet no matter how hard I tried, I eventually ended up doing something abnormal. The cycle kept repeating like a fan going around in circles or the wheel on a car spinning in circles over and over again. I felt trapped with no way out.
I was born this way and couldn’t change who I am no matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t control how other people reacted. I tried to suppress my feelings with varying success but still got upset by how I was treated. There was nothing I could do to stop the cycle from repeating itself. I felt hopeless and became depressed.
Later in life, I determined I wasn’t the problem and blamed other people for the problems they caused me. While I felt less depressed, I ended up with anxiety since I still felt alone and needed other people to accept me which required me to hide my true self and pretend to be normal. Even when I found friends, I still felt alone since I knew they didn’t like me. They only liked the person I pretended to be. Eventually they found out I wasn't normal and stopped talking to me. I was alone again. So I tried again and failed again. I wish I was happy and felt like I belonged like everyone else.
Luckily, I learned that the cycle above is flawed and that I had been misunderstanding people. Here's what was actually happening (changes in yellow):
Explanation of above diagram:
I acted differently than most people because I was born with autism genes. When I did, people criticized and judged me for it. I felt worse. I either blamed myself for not being good enough or blamed others for being too critical of those who are different. When I told people how I felt they’d react negatively and say I was being too sensitive or tell me to “Get over it!” No one understood or could relate to how I felt. I felt rejected and alone. That made me think I was different than everyone else and didn’t belong. I tried to hide my differences to avoid negative reactions. Yet no matter how hard I tried, I eventually ended up doing something abnormal. The cycle kept repeating like a fan going around in circles or the wheel on a car spinning in circles over and over again. I felt trapped with no way out.
I was born this way and couldn’t change who I am no matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t control how other people reacted. I tried to suppress my feelings with varying success but still got upset by how I was treated. There was nothing I could do to stop the cycle from repeating itself. I felt hopeless and became depressed.
Later in life, I determined I wasn’t the problem and blamed other people for the problems they caused me. While I felt less depressed, I ended up with anxiety since I still felt alone and needed other people to accept me which required me to hide my true self and pretend to be normal. Even when I found friends, I still felt alone since I knew they didn’t like me. They only liked the person I pretended to be. Eventually they found out I wasn't normal and stopped talking to me. I was alone again. So I tried again and failed again. I wish I was happy and felt like I belonged like everyone else.
Luckily, I learned that the cycle above is flawed and that I had been misunderstanding people. Here's what was actually happening (changes in yellow):
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