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Featured What part of being autistic causes you the most problems?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Matthias, Jun 29, 2020.

  1. What I described

    10 vote(s)
    76.9%
  2. Something else

    3 vote(s)
    23.1%
  1. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

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    Here's how I explain most of the problems I experienced throughout my life:


    [​IMG]

    Explanation of above diagram:
    I acted differently than most people because I was born with autism genes. When I did, people criticized and judged me for it. I felt worse. I either blamed myself for not being good enough or blamed others for being too critical of those who are different. When I told people how I felt they’d react negatively and say I was being too sensitive or tell me to “Get over it!” No one understood or could relate to how I felt. I felt rejected and alone. That made me think I was different than everyone else and didn’t belong. I tried to hide my differences to avoid negative reactions. Yet no matter how hard I tried, I eventually ended up doing something abnormal. The cycle kept repeating like a fan going around in circles or the wheel on a car spinning in circles over and over again. I felt trapped with no way out.

    I was born this way and couldn’t change who I am no matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t control how other people reacted. I tried to suppress my feelings with varying success but still got upset by how I was treated. There was nothing I could do to stop the cycle from repeating itself. I felt hopeless and became depressed.

    Later in life, I determined I wasn’t the problem and blamed other people for the problems they caused me. While I felt less depressed, I ended up with anxiety since I still felt alone and needed other people to accept me which required me to hide my true self and pretend to be normal. Even when I found friends, I still felt alone since I knew they didn’t like me. They only liked the person I pretended to be. Eventually they found out I wasn't normal and stopped talking to me. I was alone again. So I tried again and failed again. I wish I was happy and felt like I belonged like everyone else.

    Luckily, I learned that the cycle above is flawed and that I had been misunderstanding people. Here's what was actually happening (changes in yellow):

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2020
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  2. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'm not sure about the idea that you or autistic people generally, behave abnormally. To me, we are only recently starting to see a better understanding of autism, and most of us who are adults have suffered difficulties through that. We are different in some aspects of our behaviours and preferences, and in ways that vary from neurotypical people.

    Here we do not have to mask so much, and can usually be understood by others here. That's quite a relief, and is validating. I believe we all have our positive attributes and some great aspects of ourselves, no one's perfect but we are worthy of respect and love and are useful members of society.

    I was studying Isaac Newton recently, and as is often said of Einstein, I feel fairly sure Newton was autistic. Amazing abilities, huge focus, difficulties in relating and communication, regarded as odd, but one or two people understood him enough to like and encourage him.

    We're as good as anybody else, our differerences are often made problematic through the inflexibility of others, and let's hope that's changing, and do what we can to help that change.
     
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  3. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

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    When I wrote abnormal, I just meant different than most people. If 90% of people were autistic, then NT behavior would be abnormal.
     
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  4. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I see. It's just that abnormal does tend to carry a negative implication, when used about a person or their behaviour. I felt sad that people treated you that way for being different or unusual, to me they sound inflexible and unkind.

    I think it's both a difficulty and a gift that we tend to miss social cues and think outside the box. That's why I was thinking about Einstein and Newton, and Henry Cavendish, all unusual and somewhat eccentric or odd in their lifetimes, yet with many important contributions to society.
     
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  5. BrokenBoy

    BrokenBoy 戯言使い(Nonsense User)

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    My poor memory as it leads to me forgetting to mask.
     
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  6. 8398

    8398 Well-Known Member

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    I feel like the cycle basically is the main struggle for me. But mostly the hard hits taken that cause trauma, hurting my functionality.

    Finding tolerant people helps. Lucky to be in a position where I can choose and narrow down friends, or not have any at all. And coming across everyday people, I can sometimes tell when I start to weird them out and I have the mindset that they're just going to have to deal with me. Plus I can quickly find out if they're a tolerant kind or not, and worth putting anything into. Helps break the cycle and I don't think I have good expectations anymore anyways, but who knows.
    But- this cycle I felt a lot more earlier on, probably contributed to trauma I still feel.
     
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  7. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

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    I understand. I changed it to act differently. I probably should have picked a better title for this thread instead of the negative one I chose. I have strengths due to being autistic that I appreciate. I wish I never had the problem I described in the OP. It would have made my life much easier.
     
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  8. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Is anxiety considered a part of it? Because anxiety has always been my biggest problem in life. :eek:
     
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  9. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

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    Yes. After so many negative reactions from other people, I avoided people but then I felt alone so I pretended to be normal which caused anxiety worrying that people would find something to criticize or judge.
     
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  10. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Probably being asked to be more "brief". Emphasizing less detail. That's downright foreign to me. :oops:
     
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  11. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Likely my factual nature when talking with people. And of course the associated depression that returns on a regular basis.
     
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  12. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    I suppose I had a similar cycle when I was a teenager, though the "negative response" was simply bullying and I never had any of those "core beliefs".

    Edit: I forgot to add, I think the worst part of being autistic for me now is the sensory sensitivities, especially sound, it just makes life more uncomfortable than it needs to be, and interferes with my ability to socialise which is already limited.
     
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  13. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I think I probably did have all those 3 core beliefs the OP mentioned. But most clearly I felt different, and did my best to find ways to sort out how I was, never realising part of the issue was autism until much later in life. However I did some useful work on myself along the way, and had a career that has been interesting and often quite enjoyable.
     
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  14. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

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    The comorbidities of anxiety and depression.
    Also the feeling that I don't fit in leaving me feeling like I am in a bubble looking out at the world.
    There was always an inability to bond with others which certainly adds to that feeling of alone.
     
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  15. Ezra

    Ezra Relax, it's just chaos.

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    Not being able to be an ordinary average person who lives an ordinary average lifestyle.
     
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  16. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I put "other" because although this negative feedback loop is common in people with autism, it's not the whole story, at least, not in my case. Not all my problems are about negative thinking patterns or emotional issues. Some problems I have are:

    -Feeling of attachment, not able to follow, be part of a conversation or social occasion, and yet being expected to do so. Not able to process a conversation fast enough to do so in 'real time'.

    -Not being able to fit in at work, and yet being expected to do so. Not being able to cope with demands of work, socially or otherwise.

    -Sensory issues.

    -Prosopagnosia.

    -Selective mutism. Like the time I was a kid and I was expected to say 'thank you' and didn't because I couldn't speak, and so was punished.

    Some of my issues are a problem for me, but not for others.
    Others are a problem for others, but not for me.

    Some issues have been improved through my being diagnosed. People who know that I'm on the spectrum may not expect me to 'perform' like they can in a social setting. A lot of the problems are, or were, caused by other people's expectations of me.
     
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  17. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member

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    Number 1 Problem uncontested is Face Blindness, makes me a non-starter/slow learner socially. If only I had that one skill grr.
     
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  18. Sarah S

    Sarah S Well-Known Member

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    For me personally id say every one of said criterias i do have to get this diagnose + all the comorbid on top of them . Same with all other diagnoses i have i HATE them all and they have compleatly destroyed every dreams i might once have had of geting a normal happy life :( .

    I should add that i seem to have EVERY one of the stipulated criterias needed to get this diagnose (and you only need to have minimum 2 ) on DSM 5
     
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  19. Sarah S

    Sarah S Well-Known Member

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    Actually if may humbly say it is also a matter of said level you have on youre ASD + whether you also have co morbids. I have just yesterday viewed a very good and quite informative British documantary (Asberger and me ) reg a known middle age Asberger man and even he says clearly this has /are still messing with his life and have had a living ..... From he was young trying to fit in and get his life in some kind of order with his brain on 200 % 24/ 7 and he`s ONLY diagnosed Asberger i should add and he has TONS of reel life problems (incl cant live with his GF ,isolate him self etc...... ) Even worse then i am i have to say with the lone wolf and isolation part. so the OP is not that far of with his valid question here i have to say.

    If i remember right in UK 16 % of those diagnosed with ASD have some kind of occupation the rest NON . So this should in it self support that for many or even the majority having this diagnose is in fact a problem in life.
     
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  20. Sarah S

    Sarah S Well-Known Member

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    I respect that but i fealt i had to take the OP under some defense on this one

    I agree but never the less said question asked by the OP is a relevant and valid question

    I agree that you dont have to have any diagnosis to have a rough start in life but having one or more does not exatly help you in youre struggle to start life either.

    We all know the former name on the OP and the shall we say " bumpy start in here." But we have to try to get past that as he have clearly done and try to listen when he has something that we belive is valid to say. Ive lost count on how many mistakes i have done and still do in forums like this all the time. BUT i learn and i adapt and try to change what i have done wrong.

    This forum is in my opinion a safe place for us with this and other NP diagnosis were we can safely talk to eatchoder of what we belive is important and help and support others. Shore there are many things wrong in the world and most disturbing matters thats far more important then what we talk about in here. But that dont make what we talk about here among our selfs less important. Infact i view this place as in many cases vital for people like us . Were we can just be our selfs and be understood and respected from others (something many of us dont have in reel life )

    We all know that once you have been diagnosed in a cert evaluation to have this diagnose you have it for life so there is no youre now cured go live youre life . BUT said symtoms can be down toned thru difrent meds or treatment making things easier to get youre life on order then without . And all the OP is asking is which one of our difrent " iccues " we have to get this diagnose do we feel we have the most problems with . Nothing else. And as we have seen in this thread it differs as this is a highly individual diagnose and non is the same as the next. So naturally when asking this question you will get a variety of answers depending on how said individual experince them.

    Its also very clear to me that many in here embrace their diagnose and view it as a gift and that compleatly okey i have no problems with that. Same as i dont have any problems with the OP`s question either as i also know many in here are like me and curse our diagnoses
     
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