Just a quick question really: have those who have dated ever felt truly in love? To me, I say the words and it feels hollow. I'd be interested to run this poll and see the results.
Ed
Ed
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Darn, you beat me to it!
I have definitely felt like I was in love in romantic relationships. I agree with others here that "in love" is not the same as simply loving someone. I have trouble with feeling simple love. When I am madly "in love", I easily say that I love them and mean it. But the words really feel hollow to me outside of that specific context - this has caused problems for my relationships. I have had friends who say they don't feel like I love them, and they don't like that I don't say that I love them back. My family never felt like I loved them, most painfully my mother. I have godchildren who want to share in all of this "love" that I simply don't feel. I would just say it if it weren't a big thing, and sometimes I have managed to - but the truth is, it feels like such a large dishonest discrepancy that I usually cannot bring myself to say it, it feels so completely wrong. I don't know what I feel - I might not feel much of anything, other than concern for their well-being if something is wrong, or respect or admiration for their characteristics. But "love"? If I do, I can't detect it. I do believe I really loved my mother - and I think you would say my actions, back when I had energy, would show lots of devotion to some people in my life - but they would still say they didn't feel "loved", I'm not sure why. Maybe my overall demeanor, maybe inconsistency, who knows - I sure don't. I wish people didn't want me to say it. I don't even know what most people even mean if they say it to me (which is a precious few souls).Just a quick question really: have those who have dated ever felt truly in love? To me, I say the words and it feels hollow. I'd be interested to run this poll and see the results.
Ed
Well....I'm only honest here. How on earth can I explain to small children why I won't say, "I love you" back to them? I honestly don't know what they are talking about. But I think I'm going to have to start saying "I love you, too", though I have no idea what that means. Because people seem really hurt if you leave them hanging, and I don't feel right doing that to kids. I don't have much hope that any NT is going to understand much of anything about my Aspie ways. I'm not even great at explaining it. What's nice about this forum is that I don't have to try very hard, you all get it because we're already on the same or similar wavelengths already. One thing I like is that I have had more than one pastor tell me that "love" is not a feeling, it is an action. So maybe I will try focusing on that, maybe I can better understand that? I have no idea why people love me at all, or what they are feeling when they say that, or what they might mean? Maybe they are just meaning something rather than feeling something? Maybe I'm just too tired to feel love. I just want to feel rest and peace. I want to know that others are okay, then I want to seek refuge in my hobbit hole away from them.I totally respect and appreciate such honesty. Don’t apologize for being honest to others about how you feel, it would be much worse if you lied to them. Hope these people you are dealing with learn this.
Well....I'm only honest here. How on earth can I explain to small children why I won't say, "I love you" back to them? I honestly don't know what they are talking about. But I think I'm going to have to start saying "I love you, too", though I have no idea what that means. Because people seem really hurt if you leave them hanging, and I don't feel right doing that to kids. I don't have much hope that any NT is going to understand much of anything about my Aspie ways. I'm not even great at explaining it. What's nice about this forum is that I don't have to try very hard, you all get it because we're already on the same or similar wavelengths already. One thing I like is that I have had more than one pastor tell me that "love" is not a feeling, it is an action. So maybe I will try focusing on that, maybe I can better understand that? I have no idea why people love me at all, or what they are feeling when they say that, or what they might mean? Maybe they are just meaning something rather than feeling something? Maybe I'm just too tired to feel love. I just want to feel rest and peace. I want to know that others are okay, then I want to seek refuge in my hobbit hole away from them.
@Nairobi ;
I don’t think you have to say it to children just because they say it. To me, this is wrong teaching. I have a neighbor girl that I find annoying. She has a bunch of little kids and has no rules for them at all but they are sweet. She will say “I love you” to everyone, even the postal lady. The kids do the same. How are the kids going to know what it is?
Here’s my thinking; Your teaching them wrong if you do this. Could you smile and say something like “Isn’t that sweet” and leave it at that? I’m just thinking it’s not right, it’s not the truth.
Maybe I’m a horses behind but I have a real problem lying even if the truth hurts. I appreciate honest folks with me, even if it hurts I know where they are coming from and what the motive is. You may be actually teaching them what their parents are not. Kids need to be taught right from wrong and if they love someone or just like them, it is important to know the difference.
Just a thought, of course I could be wrong.
There are 5 kinds of love. But don’t confuse love with either infatuation or lust. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s what you do.
The four types of love in Greek are Eros, Phileo, Storge and Agape. Storge roughly translates to family loyalty, while Agape is an unconditional love. Eros is what we typically think of as romantic love. Meanwhile, Phileo means things like fondness, enjoyment and friendship.