AHClemist
noble gas
I have been wanting to post something like this for a while now, but never found the exact way I want to word it, so here’s an attempt:
How exactly do you define a romantic relationship?
I have read and heard so much about people deciding to “work on their relationship”. Sometimes they have only been dating for a few months. To me, this strange “relationship” always sounds like a creature of its own, which both parties must care for. But why do they decide to adopt this beast and to do things that at times feel uncomfortable to them?
It sounds like at one point, they sat down together and decided that they would work toward the end goal of being two people who are defined by their being responsible for and beholden to one another. When one of them no longer feels comfortable with the other, they cannot simply leave. They must explain why and submit to the other person’s criticism and counterarguments.
To me, this feels like a trap, as if I were to put myself under the control of the other person. Why do so many people seek this out?
At one point, I was trying to get to know a man. Maybe I would finally reach this elusive status of “relationship” that everyone seemed so obsessed with. But it would be on my terms. I tried to find out what kind of person he was, made sure to never be alone with him, never let him touch me and never told him where I live. I wanted to avoid crossing that invisible line into “relationship” before I trusted this person.
When he felt too close too fast, I asked for distance. Eventually he handed me a letter in which he told me how angry he was at me, how I was responsible for all of his emotional turmoil and that I can’t just singlehandedly decide that the relationship is over.
…hang on…what relationship? I tried so hard o never cross that threshold. I never started a discussion so there would never be anything official.
The more I thought about it, the more that last part bothered me. Why can’t I decide that I do not want the other person in my life anymore? I’m not going to stay when I feel physically or emotionally unsafe. Because he felt that there was this strange dynamic of “relationship” between him and I, I am not allowed to make decisions by myself?
Why is this something people seek out? If all I get out of this status of “relationship” is the extra work of keeping the other person happy, why would I want this? If I want to take care of something, I would get a pet.
I still feel lost and lonely at times and I would like a person I can feel safe around and be my true self with, but if I’m constantly responsible for the other person, I don’t think that is something I can do.
How exactly do you define a romantic relationship?
I have read and heard so much about people deciding to “work on their relationship”. Sometimes they have only been dating for a few months. To me, this strange “relationship” always sounds like a creature of its own, which both parties must care for. But why do they decide to adopt this beast and to do things that at times feel uncomfortable to them?
It sounds like at one point, they sat down together and decided that they would work toward the end goal of being two people who are defined by their being responsible for and beholden to one another. When one of them no longer feels comfortable with the other, they cannot simply leave. They must explain why and submit to the other person’s criticism and counterarguments.
To me, this feels like a trap, as if I were to put myself under the control of the other person. Why do so many people seek this out?
At one point, I was trying to get to know a man. Maybe I would finally reach this elusive status of “relationship” that everyone seemed so obsessed with. But it would be on my terms. I tried to find out what kind of person he was, made sure to never be alone with him, never let him touch me and never told him where I live. I wanted to avoid crossing that invisible line into “relationship” before I trusted this person.
When he felt too close too fast, I asked for distance. Eventually he handed me a letter in which he told me how angry he was at me, how I was responsible for all of his emotional turmoil and that I can’t just singlehandedly decide that the relationship is over.
…hang on…what relationship? I tried so hard o never cross that threshold. I never started a discussion so there would never be anything official.
The more I thought about it, the more that last part bothered me. Why can’t I decide that I do not want the other person in my life anymore? I’m not going to stay when I feel physically or emotionally unsafe. Because he felt that there was this strange dynamic of “relationship” between him and I, I am not allowed to make decisions by myself?
Why is this something people seek out? If all I get out of this status of “relationship” is the extra work of keeping the other person happy, why would I want this? If I want to take care of something, I would get a pet.
I still feel lost and lonely at times and I would like a person I can feel safe around and be my true self with, but if I’m constantly responsible for the other person, I don’t think that is something I can do.