What do you wish you were told about relationships and sex when you were young?

[Welshcakenp19]

Hi there! I am really interested in looking into what kind of relationship and sex education would have made a difference to you, growing up? I am writing my Masters dissertation at the moment, looking into parental perspectives on the topic, but of course, it's much better to hear from the community itself.
Myself, growing up I had no education at all from my parents. I was left to figure everything out, right down to periods and what they were. I got into a lot of trouble growing up and put myself in some really risky situations. It's only through luck that I didn't get seriously hurt.
School sex ed was pretty much non existent as far as I can remember, and was about the biology rather than relationships and staying safe. I think I finally twigged watching a David Attenborough documentary about whales!!!That was in the 80s. I know nowadays schools look at online safety, and grooming issues, but I don't think that they touch on what are healthy relationships, dating, etc.
What do you guys think?

 

[Tom]

In schools, I think it would be helpful if around age 10 they stop with the reading, writing and writhmatic and teach nothing but women's psychology for the next 8 years or so.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

women's psychology for the next 8 years or so.

So you're saying it should be an introductory course?

 

[Streetwise]

Hi there! I am really interested in looking into what kind of relationship and sex education would have made a difference to you, growing up? I am writing my Masters dissertation at the moment, looking into parental perspectives on the topic, but of course, it's much better to hear from the community itself.
Myself, growing up I had no education at all from my parents. I was left to figure everything out, right down to periods and what they were. I got into a lot of trouble growing up and put myself in some really risky situations. It's only through luck that I didn't get seriously hurt.
School sex ed was pretty much non existent as far as I can remember, and was about the biology rather than relationships and staying safe. I think I finally twigged watching a David Attenborough documentary about whales!!!That was in the 80s. I know nowadays schools look at online safety, and grooming issues, but I don't think that they touch on what are healthy relationships, dating, etc.
What do you guys think?

i'm leaning towards more what would marriage be like! living with somebody for more than an hour !not just sexual intercourse .The problem is because I'm autistic I cannot really learn from the written word !and sexual education in the 1980s composed a film of two naked adults and a naked child playing with a ball on a beach , I presume they were naturists, A diagram of the reproductive tract of a woman and a diagram of the reproductive tract of a man, wow not , how would a woman know if a man loved her or if he was just being A narcissist and an abuser ,so many women don't know the difference.

 

[Baeraad]

Honestly, I kind of wish someone could help me understand the first thing about those things now...

 

[Creep]

I would have found it most helpful if healthy relationships were modeled in my family of origin. It would have been helpful not to be bombarded by unrealistic relationships in books, music, tv, movies, etc, also. Great question.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Sex ed at my primary and secondary schools were pretty good, but I would have appreciated being told that some people don't want sex or relationships. We learnt about homosexuality, bisexuality, hetero of course, but not asexuality! To be fair I don't think the term had even been invented then.

 

[Wolfnox]

Be nice if they had a special course on aspies. That taught both us and the "normal" people. Anyone else have the urge so strong you worry about losing control? Ive been afaird of that for years.

 

[Wolfnox]

Be nice if they had a special class for aspies on this. Where they taught us what to expect from our perspective and the"normal" people how we experience it. Has anyone here had the urge so bad their afaird of losing control? Ive had that fear for awhile now.

 

[Daydreamer]

Sex ed at my primary and secondary schools were pretty good, but I would have appreciated being told that some people don't want sex or relationships. We learnt about homosexuality, bisexuality, hetero of course, but not asexuality! To be fair I don't think the term had even been invented then.

(Not on the spectrum but I have some thoughts on the topic).

Wow, that's quite progressive. Unfortunately, my experience was less so.

My sex ed was fairly outdated and I was taught abstinence only until marriage (and only to procreate). In another class they made a pregnant teenager leave the room before teaching this. Our sex ed started quite late.

A student in our class asked about same-sex relationships, and our teacher made fun of them. The rest of the class laughed and I felt like walking out. Another teacher made some not so nice comments about bisexuality in a different lesson. My school wasn't a good environment for LGBT students.

I wish...

-that I'd been taught that being LGBT is OK.

-there had been more advice on safe-sex in general, as well as for different kinds of couples.

-less judgement on those who don't wait until marriage, and that it's alright even if it doesn't lead to procreation.

-more teaching on what a healthy relationship is.

-Also, advice on how to support someone who isn't in a healthy relationship, or what to do if you find yourself in an unhealthy one.

 

[Bolletje]

I had good and thorough sex ed at school and my parents gave me a good -if awkward- sex talk when I started dating. I went in prepared
The only thing I wish I had know earlier is that it’s perfectly normal to have arguments in a long-term relationship and that going through a rough patch is nothing to be inherently worried about. Basically I learned the hard way that relationships really take work from time to time.

 

[Welshcakenp19]

Sure, what do you think would have been helpful? Did your parents ever teach you about love, relationships, that kind of thing at all?

 

[Welshcakenp19]

I would have found it most helpful if healthy relationships were modeled in my family of origin. It would have been helpful not to be bombarded by unrealistic relationships in books, music, tv, movies, etc, also. Great question.

Yeah definitely. Learning from tv etc is NOT productive. Very very few programmes or films depict what it is really like.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

My sex ed was fairly outdated and I was taught abstinence only until marriage

Wow, was this in the UK (going from your profile location here)? I thought abstinence only type sex ed was only found in strict parochial schools!

But yeah my secondary school was pretty progressive, the primary school just taught us the basic biology of puberty and reproduction, but in year 7/8 we had really thorough sex ed and talked a lot about types of relationships in PSHE. My form teacher was gay so he may have talked more about LGBT issues than other teachers though, not sure.

Another thing I've thought of that I wish had been taught: consent. We got the basic "no means no" but didn't go into any detail on the various types of situations where a clear 'no' might not be given, or things like more low key sexual harassment (bra snapping was a thing that happened a lot) and why it's not ok to do things like keep pestering someone after they've declined a drink.

 

[Welshcakenp19]

(Not on the spectrum but I have some thoughts on the topic).

Wow, that's quite progressive. Unfortunately, my experience was less so.

My sex ed was fairly outdated and I was taught abstinence only until marriage (and only to procreate). In another class they made a pregnant teenager leave the room before teaching this. Our sex ed started quite late.

A student in our class asked about same-sex relationships, and our teacher made fun of them. The rest of the class laughed and I felt like walking out. Another teacher made some not so nice comments about bisexuality in a different lesson. My school wasn't a good environment for LGBT students.

I wish...

-that I'd been taught that being LGBT is OK.

-there had been more advice on safe-sex in general, as well as for different kinds of couples.

-less judgement on those who don't wait until marriage, and that it's alright if it doesn't lead to procreation.

-more teaching on what a healthy relationship is.

-Also, advice on how to support someone who isn't in a healthy relationship, or what to do if you find yourself in an unhealthy one.

Yes, I have just interviewed a group of parents and when asked about future relationships for their children, they all assumed it would be with someone of the opposite sex. I find that very interesting given the statistics of people with Asperger's/ ASD who are not hetero

 

[the_tortoise]

What do you wish you were told about relationships and sex when you were young?

I wish I was taught about basic innuendo like what it means when someone who keeps touching you asks you, at a bar, after buying you a drink, a series of questions about where you’re staying that night, how to respond to unwanted touching by strangers as an adult, how to respond to unwanted and/or unexpected sexual advances from friends, and more than I was taught about how to recognize when someone is grooming you (so they can exploit you, not the “grooming” that refers to personal hygiene things).

 

[Daydreamer]

Wow, was this in the UK (going from your profile location here)? I thought abstinence only type sex ed was only found in strict parochial schools!

Yeah, this was in the UK. England specifically. The parents' committee had some say in how and what was taught in our school, not complete control but certainly a noticeable amount of power. My secondary school wasn't parochial, however there was some religious influence.

Christian youth clubs would visit sometimes, and we'd have religious assemblies every now and then. The school wasn't officially religious, but it did sway in favour of certain religions and values.

The parent's committee seemed more in favour of traditional teachings. I believe that they played a significant role in how my sex-ed was taught.

But yeah my secondary school was pretty progressive

As you can probably tell at this point, mine was not.

the primary school just taught us the basic biology of puberty and reproduction

During primary school, they covered puberty briefly. Not much about reproduction. The girls were taken out of the classroom, where we discussed what periods are, and we were told that we would all find our prince charming one day. That was it. My primary was a strictly religious church school.

but in year 7/8 we had really thorough sex ed and talked a lot about types of relationships in PSHE. My form teacher was gay so he may have talked more about LGBT issues than other teachers though, not sure.

When I got to years 7 & 8, we watched some old video tapes. They were fairly amusing, with the outdated hairstyles and over the top slang. Unfortunately the recordings had a tendency to get stuck since they were a bit worn down. Also, the acting was wonderfully terrible. It was like watching a really cheesy sitcom. This is when I began to learn about the process of reproduction. Sometimes our teacher would pause the videos and correct certain facts or explain why the people on the tape were acting in a certain way.

Students: Um, why is her hair like that? Is that how people did their hair in those days?

Teacher: Please don't remind me.

Nothing about relationships. It was more about correctly labelling parts of a fetus. We didn't cover relationships until much later. Even then not much was said about them. Then in year 10 we were taught abstinence until marriage. I did have PSHE, but I didn't do anything about relationships in that class.

Another thing I've thought of that I wish had been taught: consent. We got the basic "no means no" but didn't go into any detail on the various types of situations where a clear 'no' might not be given, or things like more low key sexual harassment (bra snapping was a thing that happened a lot) and why it's not ok to do things like keep pestering someone after they've declined a drink.

There was one lesson I had where consent was briefly mentioned. However, I think it should've been covered a bit more than it was.

 

[Streetwise]

Be nice if they had a special course on aspies. That taught both us and the "normal" people. Anyone else have the urge so strong you worry about losing control? Ive been afaird of that for years.

that is called hypersexuality can !!!!!!!!come from panic disorder ,mine is finally fading!! but only with prayer, for me!!!!!!strangely it really started after a breakdown ,now i think its perimenopause doing it sigh of relief.

 

[Fino]

Yeah, learning about asexuality would have been helpful. And doing it later, unless I'm just slow. The age at which we learned it I didn't pay any attention and it was abstract and useless to me.

 

[Bolletje]

I didn’t learn about asexuality in school, but I did learn about how non-heterosexual relationships were as valid as heterosexual. I learned a lot about consent, contraceptives and STD’s as well.
Plus what helped was that one of my mom’s best friends when I was a kid was a lesbian in a committed relationship. I was around her a lot so for me it was just something natural, a loving relationship between two adults. It wasn’t until I got older that I learned how much bigotry and hatred is in the world pertaining to those of the LGBT persuasion.
Growing up learning that there’s nothing wrong with not being straight made it very easy for me to accept that I am bisexual and that’s that. Not a night’s sleep lost over that.