1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Featured What do you wish you were told about relationships and sex when you were young?

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Welshcakenp19, Aug 8, 2019.

  1. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    5,997
    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Karma:
    +14,283
    The sisters at the convents I attended had pull down diagrams of the female reproductive system. Which we memorized the parts of for exams. My parents told me as a child not to get pregnant. That was the sum total of my sexual education.

    Moved to a city and my first apartment was in a building downtown, I roomed with the cousin of a girlfriend. She brought home men all the time, and I would lock myself in the bathroom to give her and myself privacy. The building that I lived in had many gay and some transsexual men and women. It seemed that it was an acceptable place for them to live, near gay clubs and businesses. I made many friends.

    I learned about sexuality from them. They taught me how fluid it really was, although I'm heterosexual. Then used to pat me on the head, when I went to work or school, like parents would. They were the most 'open' people you could possibly hope to know when you had questions about sexuality. They were like the family you hoped you could have and were perfect as advisors as they had long struggled with their own sexuality.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
  2. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    63
    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2010
    Karma:
    +99
    The double standard is an important thing to know about. Social and conversational grooming (eg lewd statements/jokes etc). My parents told me nothing, only got the school biological session.
     
  3. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,465
    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2013
    Karma:
    +1,052
    Family Like Yours is a great non-heterosexual documentary on how lgbtqia couples live with each other. This would help cover the relationship part, but not the sex part.
     
  4. Daydreamer

    Daydreamer Scatterbrained Creative

    Messages:
    129
    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2018
    Karma:
    +309
    The internet was my source of education on LGBT subjects. It even introduced me to the term LGBT. However, it also showed me the less tolerant side of things. The first openly gay teacher I had was when I was seventeen. It was such a shock to me. A good one, but definitely a surprise. Unfortunately, my journey to accepting myself wasn't as smooth as yours. I went through homophobic bullying and had some teachers that weren't supportive. So accepting that I'm a lesbian wasn't always easy. I still have bad memories I associate with coming out, but I'm slowly meeting some better people. :)

    Frankly, if someone had taught us that LGBT couples exist and that there's nothing wrong with that, it would've made so much difference.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
  5. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

    Messages:
    2,962
    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2015
    Karma:
    +3,927
    What finally worked for me (via a documentary) was "reverse engineering."

    Straightforward instruction on "sexual intercourse" offended my sense of modesty,* even though I was certainly smitten with the the fairer sex.

    The documentary explained how the gametes produced conception and how they were introduced to each other in the first place. That gave sex a legitimate context to me; how it wasn't just about being "nasty." I don't need every encounter to end in pregnancy (as some teach), but pregnancy is not a bad thing (in a family context) so neither is the sex that produces it.

    *My middle daughter was the same way, but now she is a mother of two.
     
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2019
    • Like Like x 2
  6. Rebecca Merriam

    Rebecca Merriam Active Member

    Messages:
    40
    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2019
    Karma:
    +63
    My dad had "the talk" with me when I was 17, and it was a little late. It also included the "wait till marriage" which I think is an outdated concept personally, my mom had a nonsensical speach about not trusting men if they claim to know what your talking about.
    I think my school covered the science aspect of sex real well, but I didn't get the emotional understanding of sex until I was older. And i kinda wish my parents had gotten over their discomfort and talked about sex issues more than once, having a safe person to talk to would of changed a lot, because I got a lot of Bad info from my Peers. And the friends who openly talked to their parents seemed to have healthier relationships then I did early on.
     
    • Useful Useful x 1
  7. Sherlock77

    Sherlock77 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    893
    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2017
    Karma:
    +1,445
    I did grow up in a great home with great parents, both of them passed away years ago now... And I was always a little distant with my dad in particular... Also grew up in a strong protestant (Baptist) church I still attend

    Basically I did have good modeling, but my parents never gave me the sex talk, ever...

    If anything I've had a stunted adulthood in terms of dating... I'm 47 now and have never really had a girlfriend at all, at any point in my life, there have been two attempts, one which went almost nowhere, and one recent one which seems to have just become a friendship, and I'm okay with that... My sex drive is very low...
     
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2019
  8. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    3,642
    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2018
    Karma:
    +7,324
    I used to think parents who give "the talk" was made up by television, but I also thought parents talking to their kids about anything was made up by television so who knows anything about anything, really. :eek:
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  9. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

    Messages:
    736
    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2019
    Karma:
    +1,113
    Mine sure ain't. Im hoping that starts ebbing with age
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  10. Kirsty

    Kirsty ND

    Messages:
    1,504
    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2014
    Karma:
    +2,837
    That’s refreshing to read. I was bullied all throughout school for my sexuality and it continued into adulthood until I finally moved away. It’s scarred me deeply for life. The bullies will never grow up and I avoid my home town to this day because I’m still laughed and pointed at. I will always stay away. It’s horrific.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 3
  11. SimplyWandering

    SimplyWandering Well-Known Member It's My Birthday!

    Messages:
    163
    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2018
    Karma:
    +353
    I came from a religious background , so nope, never a single discussion about sex only about my “performance” in school and I can tell you it was not sexual :(.
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  12. Daydreamer

    Daydreamer Scatterbrained Creative

    Messages:
    129
    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2018
    Karma:
    +309
    I actually thought the same, I didn't think parents really did that until I heard otherwise. My parents never spoke about that kind of thing, aside from the odd joke about me having a secret relationship (because I spent most of my teenage years in my room :D).

    Or they'd talk about me getting married in the future. My sister would usually intercept such conversation with how she would totally give an embarrassing speech at my wedding, and make whoever I was marrying have second thoughts. :rolleyes:
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
  13. ASD_Geek

    ASD_Geek Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    348
    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2014
    Karma:
    +383
    In school we were taught the basic "mechanics" in a gender separated environment. There was no talk of consent, different types of relationships and only a very cursory coverage of STDs. At home, my "education" consisted of my mom asking me if I knew about it and if I had any questions. I remember having one question, "What happens if you have to pee during that time?"

    I wish that I was taught the more emotional side of relationships. How to make them work long-term and how men's and women's brain's function differently. Also the psychological effects of a relationships, not only with your partner, but how it affects your friendships, etc.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Canismajoris

    Canismajoris Hypergiant

    Messages:
    142
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2019
    Karma:
    +198
    I think that sex ed should start latest when around 10 y old. Atleast that was the age I started to get interested in girls. But I never got any sex ed. My mom felt it was too embarrassing, my dad didn't care and at school there never was anything proper education. Just clinical explanation how humans reproduce and how the fertilization process goes. So basically my guides were porn magazines and films. As this was pre-internet time it was not that easy to get those while under-aged.

    Relationships... that is hard one. The real lessons come from example of parents. And if their relationship is messed up or they divorce and then behave like mine did... good luck. No wonder I have been somewhat messed up always. I don't think that school could have saved me from that.
     
  15. Clueless in Canada

    Clueless in Canada Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    435
    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2019
    Karma:
    +1,045
    I second the need to learn of asexuality including being asexual but not aromantic and that it could be perceived as leading someone on so what to do about that.

    I also agree that there is a need to learn about subtle forms of abuse, emotional and manipulative types of abuse in relationships. Autistics and especially undiagnosed autistics are more vulnerable to being convinced that they are the broken and damaged ones.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  16. SolarPoweredNightOwl

    SolarPoweredNightOwl Walking contradiction

    Messages:
    59
    Joined:
    May 7, 2019
    Karma:
    +205
    We need to get religious crap out of schools and enforce only medically accurate sex ed, with no moralizing (no slut-shaming or gay-bashing or wait-til-marriage-or-go-to-Hell). You'd think something being scientifically accurate and medically true would be the bare minimum, but we can't manage this in much of the US.

    More emphasis on real-world situations would be helpful. What day-to-day issues are you likely to face (menstrual troubles, urinary infections, foreskin issues), and how do you address them? What is consent, what is harassment, and how do you deal with violations? How do you pick a doctor, and what are things to look for in a medical setting (both good things and red flags)? What are warning signs of abuse and predation? Of stalking?

    I've heard gay people wish for education pertaining specifically to them, and I agree. There are safe sex practices and health concerns unique to them. We need more explanation of things like trans, non-binary, asexuality, and discussion of issues pertinent to those people.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
  17. SDRSpark

    SDRSpark Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    174
    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2019
    Karma:
    +257
    I actually was fortunate (I guess) to have been giving comprehensive sex ed (both at school and at home).

    The catch is, I'm asexual. That was largely unheard of, and it wasn't presented as an option. So I spent a whole lot of time trying to figure out who I was sexually attracted to (because it had to be someone, right?) and thinking I was bisexual because I wasn't grossed out by the idea of sex with a woman (because straight people are really freaked out by the idea of sexual relations with the same sex right? It took me entirely too long to figure out that lack of repulsion isn't the definition of attraction lol.) I never dated in high school and everyone thought I was gay (my family kept trying to get me to come out of the closet.)

    So yeah....puberty was really weird as an asexual, especially as an asexual with a normal libido. A lot of things would have gone differently if I'd known that not experiencing sexual attraction was an option.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  18. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,314
    Joined:
    Sep 5, 2014
    Karma:
    +2,505
    This is pretty much exactly what my experience was too.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  19. Canismajoris

    Canismajoris Hypergiant

    Messages:
    142
    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2019
    Karma:
    +198
    How does this work then, lots of masturbation or what? And if so, isnt that the case with all teenagers? :)
     
  20. SDRSpark

    SDRSpark Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    174
    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2019
    Karma:
    +257
    Pretty much. I wasn't attracted to my peers at all. I'd see all my classmates getting knocked up and think "you did that? With them? Why?!" I didn't understand dating or why anyone would want to do it, and the thought of actually having sex with any existing person was utterly undesirable.