What Are Your Biggest Burdens and Gifts of Having Asperger's Syndrome?

[Loomis]

I wonder, does anyone here have a knack for guessing answers for things most people have to do math on and/or measure? I can accurately guess measurements, price totals, distances, etc without ever computing a thing, like some sort of weird sixth sense. It used to make my mathematically gifted boyfriend completely puzzled because I could guess these things sooner than he could get any kind of head math done on them, and be spot on... He swore it should have been impossible for me to do that. But interestingly actual number crunching, especially mental math, takes me ages to do, and I'm less accurate with it...

My son, also an aspie, does this too. He does not show his work and the teacher is amazed. Fortunately she appreciates his gift and her only criticism is that if he makes a mistake she is unable to give him partial credit.

 

[Loomis]

Best things about being aspie:
Ability to understand and use logic well.
Ability to learn and understand mathematics.
Hyper-focusing skills.
Sensitivity to color allows me to match colors easily when I am refinishing furniture.
The gifts of independence and autonomy give me freedom from other people's thoughts and opinions.
The ability to detach emotionally allows me to tune out annoying people.
I can say what I think without worrying how others will react.
A brain that values honesty highly.
The different perspective granting me freedom from conventional, herd-like thinking.
The possession of a moral compass to offset my lack of empathy that spares me the tragedy of a sociopathic personality.

Worst things about being aspie:
Anxiety.
Guilt.
Poor innate writing skills; it took me decades to learn how to write coherently.
Difficulty making friends and interacting socially.
Periods of loneliness.

 

[Stacey]

The biggest burden for me is maintaining a relationship. I love silence, so I'm completely comfortable having nothing to say.

As for gifts, I've never considered myself to be gifted. Lol

 

[Eilidhceol]

Gift: My abilities with gaelic, music, and writing...
Burdens, interacting, fear of messing up in it.... I have troible knowing if ive done the right thing or not... U know?

 

[Sass]

Gift: My abilities with gaelic, music, and writing...
Burdens, interacting, fear of messing up in it.... I have troible knowing if ive done the right thing or not... U know?

Gaelic! Wow! I always wanted to learn Gaelic (I'm of Irish/Scots descent), but never found a place to learn.

My gift would be my editing eye and ability to write in a much more approachable fashion than I can ever muster while talking to people face to face.

Burdens, well, the social anxiety is what gets me the most, which goes hand-in-hand with the self-medicating with beer to loosen the tongue and get me chatting, which then leads to anxiety the next day, and then it goes on...

 

[Eilidhceol]

Gods do i know that one!

 

[reveric15]

Worst for me: people find me arrogant and harsh, but I truly seek humility and gentleness, just as I want from others. I often am unable to identify why someone else would be offended by something I say or don't say. I have very little empathy for others, although I care deeply.

Best for me: I can see the world so much differently than NTs. I can connect things that otherwise would never be put together, and this I use for good whenever possible. Also I am very gifted with language, which I appreciate deeply.

 

[Cuppa' Tea]

Worst:
1: Sensory issues
2: Social problems and making friends
3: Emotional immaturity/difficulty understanding emotions and reading facial expressions
4: Inability to recognize faces. It often leads to awkward situations.

Best:
1: Hyperfocus
2: Relying on logic and solid fact
3: Being able to amass a huge amount of information about a topic I am interested in.
4: My formal speech. (I hated this as a child, I actually looked slang up in the dictionary in an ill-fated attempt to make friends. But I love how I speak now.)
5: Not caring about most social conventions. It allows me to speak my mind and discuss topics that are usually "taboo".

 

[Tarragon]

Burdens, well, the social anxiety is what gets me the most, which goes hand-in-hand with the self-medicating with beer to loosen the tongue and get me chatting, which then leads to anxiety the next day, and then it goes on...

That just about sums it up for me too!! I stopped drinking a few years ago when it finally got out of hand and I got irritated with someone when I was drunk. Luckily it wasn't too bad...

So nowadays, I'm content to not bother drinking or socialising. I like my brain cells the way they are(!)

I think the worst bit about this topic is that fact I can relate to the "self medicating" but about alcohol - when its just about the worst thing to try and manage aspergers!!

 

[Keith]

BLESSINGS: A good memory.
CURSES: The tendency to talk about whatever comes to mind immediately as it comes to mind. Also, sadly, epilepsy.

 

[meff]

Burdens:
Not understanding how to initiate in social situations and having social anxiety, constantly fearing that I'm being rude or crossing a line.
Misinterpreting people's feelings and intentions constantly (i swear everyone who isn't smiling is mad at me)
The fear that people can see my autistic traits without recognizing what they are and just thinking I'm weird or off-putting
Being passed up as a possible aspie just because I'm assigned female
Being controlled by the pressure to assimilate to the point that I (or anyone else) barely recognize my own symptoms
Embarrassing myself by yelling without realizing it :S
Fixating on long-passed conversation topics
The intense desire to ramble on about my obsessions to whoever I'm listening to
Sensory processing issues, such as the inability to stand so many foods, auditory processing delays, and my vestibular issues. Motion sickness suuuckss :T
Being extremely bored with and having difficulty learning things that aren't immediately interesting to me

Gifts:
Strong interests and obsessions, which are fun and have helped me develop my talents despite my attention deficits
The unadulterated, sparkly joy I get from pursuing said interests and from pleasant sensory input
The fun of echolalic scripting
Actually enjoying organizing things and mindless tedium. If only I could actually stick to following my systems...

As you can tell I'm way better at identifying the negatives over the positives. Working on that.
I love reading everyone's varied and shared experiences here.

 

[sc7]

What do I hate ? First and foremost....my STUPID eye contact issue, I'm a big guy and I look submissive in 1 split second.

What do I like? I think most NT's would have pulled the trigger already if they lived my life on a daily basis, but the one thing I have always had is confidence in myself.

 

[grapesicles]

Burdens:
- Emotional immaturity: uncontrollably crying over things when I try not to..not sure how to fix this!
- Finding it difficult to talk to and make friends with people
- Being considered 'weird' to most people

Gifts:
- Being able to concentrate & zone out easily on particular things
- Photographic memory: makes me amazing at spelling because I see all the words clearly, I can remember particular places incredibly well
- I find it easy to do things on my own that most people think they 'need' someone to do with them.

 

[Laurie Hollman Ph.D.]

Things I appreciate first because they'll be hard to list once I cover things I don't like...

I like being able to absorb huge amounts of data in a short period of time and being able to learn certain skills very quickly

I like being able to notice things other people don't like patterns, similarities, how two seemingly unrelated things fit

Sometimes being able to talk and or think above people's heads comes in handy. Yes I said it. I know I'm evil. But when someone is attacking me, sometimes my only defense is to outwit them. It came in handy when I was attacked and robbed in my own home. I noticed things about my attackers that allowed me to not be afraid of them, and it thoroughly puzzled them. They got away due to show response time by the cops, but I will never forget that look of puzzlement in their faces. I think I scared them more than they scared me.

Being able to "read" people. I don't really know why except that I'm very observant of patterns in behavior. I spent a lot of time trying to learn all I could about human behavior because I couldn't pick up on it naturally. It's like I can understand them on a clinical/scientific level but not... I dunno. Something is missing there, but being able to categorize and reason out their behavior helps. And makes me a pretty good lie detector.

Being able to appreciate the five senses on a deeper level. I notice shapes, colors, sounds, touch, smells, etc more than other people do I've came to realize.

Now for what I don't like....

Being so sensitive to my surroundings it can distract and overwhelm me to the point of losing focus and even basic functions like listening and talking. My son gets so mad at me for example because if we're near traffic or a crowd of people, I can't listen to him.

My horrible memory for things I shouldn't have any problem remembering. The aggravation from being able to have perfect memory for less important things like something interesting I read or saw, which tells me I should be able to remember the things of importance.

Feeling awkward and out of my element when surrounded by normal people chit chatting. Not knowing what to say to someone I want to get to know. Being judged as stuck up and prissy because I don't know how to not take things seriously and am very orderly and routine and proper and quiet. Being judged as a know it all because I want to fact share so much and people don't get it's my way of connecting and sharing/caring because I can't do small talk. I hate to admit it but I even have problems comforting someone without offering some form of advice, and if I have none to offer, I'm usually silent.

Getting so obsessed with a particular subject I find it hard to stop to do basic self maintenance until I've either completely exhausted my resources or lost interest.

The intensity with which I feel emotions, and the inability to share them with others. For a long time I couldn't even identify a lot of my emotions. Words don't seem to be enough. It's why I miss art. Seemed the closest I ever got to truly describing how I felt was through my pictures. I couldn't tell you, but I could show you.

Being an expert in matters no one cares about. Seems I always pick the most obscure subjects and hobbies to be prolific about.

FOLLOWING DIRECTIONS. This one got me crying last night because I confused my son on his kindergarten level homework instructions. He had it right, I had it wrong, and I got frustrated with him for getting it wrong when it was me all along. Other than my spacing out, the biggest complaint of teachers and employers alike has always been that I don't follow directions. And I try, I really do. I just don't always understand their wording and/or how it applies to the task. In this case, he was supposed to write an x when he heard an x and a j when he heard a j. I kept insisting he needed to write the first letter the word started with.

Spacing out.

My weird understanding of math. Apply it to physical real world objects, or just ask me to play with the theory, I'm a genius. Expect me to just number crunch, my son actually does better than me. Some numbers make sense, others don't. Two makes sense, seven does not. Etc.

Clumsiness.

In general, the way I can grasp these really complicated concepts with ease yet have trouble with basic ones everyone understands. It drove my teachers batty in school and I don't know how many times I got accused of being lazy. College has been easier thankfully. I can skip the confusing basics and get right into the meat. Example, my stupid wireless tech book kept explaining phases as doors opening and shutting. Drove me nuts I couldn't understand such a simple explanation. But when I skipped ahead to the explanations in terms of waves in frequencies, it made sense.

 

[Laurie Hollman Ph.D.]

Rollerskate, You mentioned that you wrote a book and you're a parent, so I thought you might be willing to help me. I'm a psychotherapist who is writing a book, Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child's Behavior. One chapter is a story about a four-year-old boy who is just diagnosed with Aspergers. He has a stay-at-home father, working mother and two older brothers. I need feedback from someone who understands Aspergers and parenting who would read the chapter (I could send it to you as an attachment by email) and give me candid feedback. Rollerskate, you sound like you might be the right person. Others who are commenting might be as well. Please let me know. If you want to contact me privately, go to my website and click on contact: Home - Laurie Hollman, Ph.D.
Thanks.
Laurie Hollman

 

[Tarragon]

Rollerskate, You mentioned that you wrote a book and you're a parent, so I thought you might be willing to help me. I'm a psychotherapist who is writing a book, Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child's Behavior. One chapter is a story about a four-year-old boy who is just diagnosed with Aspergers. He has a stay-at-home father, working mother and two older brothers. I need feedback from someone who understands Aspergers and parenting who would read the chapter (I could send it to you as an attachment by email) and give me candid feedback. Rollerskate, you sound like you might be the right person. Others who are commenting might be as well. Please let me know. If you want to contact me privately, go to my website and click on contact: Home - Laurie Hollman, Ph.D.
Thanks.
Laurie Hollman

Hello

I'm curious about this, though I have no kids so not applicable to me. I'm just wondering whether this is a fictional book/self help sort of thing. There is quite a lot of misinformation lurking around the Internet about aspergers/asd/autism, and some of it comes from supposedly reputable websites aimed at helping those on the spectrum. Certainly I'd say its better to talk to people in communities like this one to actually get some real world information.

I'd hate to see (another) self help book not being accurate for those who actually are on the spectrum.

So, just wondering how you are approaching this area.

 

[rollerskate]

Rollerskate, You mentioned that you wrote a book and you're a parent, so I thought you might be willing to help me. I'm a psychotherapist who is writing a book, Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child's Behavior. One chapter is a story about a four-year-old boy who is just diagnosed with Aspergers. He has a stay-at-home father, working mother and two older brothers. I need feedback from someone who understands Aspergers and parenting who would read the chapter (I could send it to you as an attachment by email) and give me candid feedback. Rollerskate, you sound like you might be the right person. Others who are commenting might be as well. Please let me know. If you want to contact me privately, go to my website and click on contact: Home - Laurie Hollman, Ph.D.
Thanks.
Laurie Hollman

I think when I said I wrote a book it was meant as "my posts are too long". Anyhow, I haven't written any books since my teens and those were all teen fiction... I am a writer though, just not into worrying lengthy books any more... Now it's lengthy informational articles, unbiased reviews, and promotional web content.

I feel the need to point out to you though I have a very um interesting relationship with my son as we are both on the spectrum. I'm not sure I could speculate on a chapter about an NT family with one child on the spectrum... Or is it because of the differences that you are interested?

 

[Vanilla]

I think when I said I wrote a book it was meant as "my posts are too long". Anyhow, I haven't written any books since my teens and those were all teen fiction... I am a writer though, just not into worrying lengthy books any more... Now it's lengthy informational articles, unbiased reviews, and promotional web content.

I feel the need to point out to you though I have a very um interesting relationship with my son as we are both on the spectrum. I'm not sure I could speculate on a chapter about an NT family with one child on the spectrum... Or is it because of the differences that you are interested?

Hey

Would you two be able to continue this conversation via PM please

Thanks

 

[rollerskate]

Hey

Would you two be able to continue this conversation via PM please

Thanks

Sure vanilla, I was planning on doing so as soon as she answered my question, which I do believe is relevant to many of us here since she made an open door invitation to parents...

 

[Laurie Hollman Ph.D.]

Hello

I'm curious about this, though I have no kids so not applicable to me. I'm just wondering whether this is a fictional book/self help sort of thing. There is quite a lot of misinformation lurking around the Internet about aspergers/asd/autism, and some of it comes from supposedly reputable websites aimed at helping those on the spectrum. Certainly I'd say its better to talk to people in communities like this one to actually get some real world information.

I'd hate to see (another) self help book not being accurate for those who actually are on the spectrum.

So, just wondering how you are approaching this area.

I'm so glad you replied. The book is divided into parts. The first part is educational, describing a parenting approach where parents think about their own reactions to their children, then think carefully about what is going on in the minds of their children and their development, and then problem solve together. The idea is that parents sometimes jump to conclusions about their child's intentions and need more understanding of what's actually going on in their child's mind. My ideas come from decades of working with children and parents. The next part of the book are what I call fictionalized accounts of real family dynamics. That means that I cannot talk about my actual patients lives because of course that's confidential, so I've created fictional stories from my many years of experiences with parents and children's actual lives. That is why I want people with Aspergers or with children with Aspergers to read the chapter I spoke about earlier. I'm glad you agree it's better to talk to people in communities like this one to receive actual real world comments. That is exactly what I'm trying to do. You don't have to have children of your own with Aspergers for me to want your feedback. If you feel you have characteristics of Aspergers, you are now or once were a child, so your ideas would be very appreciated by me. Are you interested? I see there is an upload a file option. I could upload the chapter to you if you want to comment on it. (I'm not sure who you are. Are you Rollerskate or Vanilla or someone else?"

Thanks again for replying.

Regards,
Laurie