Were you raised in a sheltered religious household and did the "real world" shock you?

[Magna]

I was raised in small religious sects aka "Ecclesial Communities" in a very strict, extremely devout and isolate family and although I wasn't homeschooled, I went to a strict Catholic school until middle school (aka "Junior High"). However, I went to a public junior high school starting in 7th grade. The shock and extreme stress I experienced in going out on my own in the "real world" (ie secular) for the first time with secular peers was like nothing I anticipated. The difference in the environment I was raised in (e.g. almost no TV, pre-internet, etc) was so profound compared to the way other kids were raised and how they acted that it was a crises for me and a truly horrible experience...until I acclimated to my peers and started to reject the extreme upbringing I had.

I was watching a video podcast recently and one of the guests mentioned that she knew a mother who home schools her children and cuts them off completely from aspects of society such as: No TV, No internet, no radio, no secular music, no secular books or magazines, etc. An extremely isolated existence for the children. It hurt to hear that. I felt compassion and horror for the children because unless those children grow up to live in a close knit religious community they (and any other children like them) will have a similar experience to mine. They will have no coping skills on how to deal with, interact in and live in the "real world".

It's known (and my personal experience bears this out) that extreme parenting almost always results in children who choose one of two paths in their life: 1) They continue the extreme lifestyle on their own. 2) They reject that lifestyle, push back from it and go the opposite way. Few people in my experience choose a third path of moderation and ambivalence toward their extreme upbringing. This is not only relegated to strict religious upbringings. I've read that children who grow up in extremely permissive households (e.g. essentially no rules, anything goes, often including prevalent drug use in the household) similarly either continue on that same path or push back with becoming more conservative, "find" religion, etc.

Did anyone else who grew up in a very strict religious community, cult, etc find that your eventual exposure and immersion in the "real world" was a massive shock to your system like nothing you ever anticipated?

 

[Twilight]

I was raised in a cult as a Jehovah's Witness. I homeschooled in 4th grade, went back for 5th grade, and then homeschooled completely from 6th grade on up. Since my parents worked full-time, I spent most of my time alone. It's probably why I'm so timid now. I was only allowed to be friends with other people in the church, so yeah, I was extremely sheltered. Due to being so sheltered and having regressive beliefs, I was molded to be the perfect victim in a lot of ways. The "real world" was a massive shock to me. It's something that I've never fully recovered from. It's not entirely bad. The world and the universe are more terrifying, complex, and breathtakingly beautiful than I could've imagined in the past.

I try to practice moderation in my approach to life, but some things I've found impossible to overcome, especially excessive shyness, difficulty with making friends, and issues related to CPTSD.

 

[Magna]

The "real world" was a massive shock to me. It's something that I've never fully recovered from.

^ This resonates with me having a similar experience. Parents think they're doing a service to their children when parenting from extreme lifestyles related to morals, etc and it seems that very often it ends up being a disservice to their children.

 

[Twilight]

^ This resonates with me having a similar experience. Parents think they're doing a service to their children when parenting from extreme lifestyles related to morals, etc and it seems that very often it ends up being a disservice to their children.

Yeah, it messed up my life in a lot of ways. It made me more susceptible to abuse, and it made it harder for me to leave and report abusive situations, too. I had received no sex education when I was growing up, not that schools do a great job with teaching it, either, but still...

This stuff is really complex to fully describe because it's so pervasive. Obviously, other people experience similar difficulties who were not so sheltered, but it played a huge part in my overall experience and even in my ability to relate to other people.

It impacted my life in every possible way.

 

[Gerontius]

Posting this here, so I can come back to the thread later.
Ohhhh boy yes.

 

[Luca]

Yeah, it messed up my life in a lot of ways. It made me more susceptible to abuse, and it made it harder for me to leave and report abusive situations, too. I had received no sex education when I was growing up, not that schools do a great job with teaching it, either, but still...

This stuff is really complex to fully describe because it's so pervasive. Obviously, other people experience similar difficulties who were not so sheltered, but it played a huge part in my overall experience and even in my ability to relate to other people.

It impacted my life in every possible way.

I’m so sorry for what you went through, and just wanted to say that it sounds like our experiences are similar, unfortunately.

I’m not comfortable discussing my childhood trauma in as much detail as it would relate to this thread, but this is a topic that hit home for me very hard.

I can especially relate to the lack of sex education and the impact of that in adulthood. I’m still traumatized and probably always will be.

 

[Metalhead]

The real world is often a lot less shocking than what goes on in my blood family.

 

[Twilight]

I’m so sorry for what you went through, and just wanted to say that it sounds like our experiences are similar, unfortunately.

I’m not comfortable discussing my childhood trauma in as much detail as it would relate to this thread, but this is a topic that hit home for me very hard.

I can especially relate to the lack of sex education and the impact of that in adulthood. I’m still traumatized and probably always will be.

I'm sorry you went through that, too.

I think I'll always be affected by my traumatic experiences. I don't think complete healing is possible because it's changed me in complex ways. My journey is more about trying to find ways to deal with the cards I've been dealt than anything else.

 

[Magna]

I don't think complete healing is possible because it's changed me in complex ways. My journey is more about trying to find ways to deal with the cards I've been dealt than anything else.

^ 100% this.

I've felt the same thing for years now. My goal in life is to spend the remainder of my days salvaging what I have left and living at peace with myself, being as present each day as I'm able and continuing with an ongoing very slow (ie lifelong) healing process. The damage is permanent, but I now have the ability to live my life as I choose in ways that will help with the healing process.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

It's not Christianity that's the problem. It's overzealous fundamentalism of any faith. To the point that it traumatizes children.

God should be taught to children with love and joy. Worship should be fun.

I homeschooled my daughter, and my household, honestly, didn't have tv or pop music or even internet until my daughter was halfway through high school. It's not such a bad thing to keep the gutter garbage out of your household.

Once they're older teens though, you have to give a kid a little "Rumspringa" and let them explore the wider world. But when they're little, as long as it isn't pushy or restrictive, it's good to keep them hopeful and happy, unaware of the sickness of society.

 

[Twilight]

It's not Christianity that's the problem. It's overzealous fundamentalism of any faith. To the point that it traumatizes children.

God should be taught to children with love and joy. Worship should be fun.

I'm an atheist and am raising my son with no religious beliefs. We have read some books together on religion, especially on how beliefs evolve into religions and how those religions further develop over time in order for him to have an understanding of my family's faith. We also read books on science and evolution. I was trying to make him impervious to any indoctrination they might try to instill in him when I'm not around.

I also sent him to public school which was against my mom's wishes.

I think that holy books are the problem. It's hard for people to decide how much or how little to follow writings that are supposedly from a deity.

Having read it multiple times, I have more issues with the Bible itself than I do with the JW religion. I don't have a problem with more liberal faiths that follow the Bible loosely. They just aren't for me as a nonbeliever.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Not necessarily "sheltered" as you might normally think of it, but I was raised in a very redneck and racist environment - close family members would tell cruel and racist jokes all the time. I thought that was just the way things were and never questioned it.

I got a rude awakening when I went away to college and learned better. As I matured, those experiences were the reason for a few of my social rules:

1) Don't copy a behavior just to fit in. If you don't understand why someone is acting that way, you don't understand what the consequences may be.

2) Humor is not funny unless it's funny to everyone. A joke at someone else's expense is not funny - it's cruel.

 

[Fino]

Yes, exactly that happened to me. I was raised in a Christian Science household. Nothing to do with Scientology. It's the religion that doesn't go to doctors.

 

[Jonn]

I was raised in small religious sects aka "Ecclesial Communities" in a very strict, extremely devout and isolate family and although I wasn't homeschooled, I went to a strict Catholic school until middle school (aka "Junior High"). However, I went to a public junior high school starting in 7th grade. The shock and extreme stress I experienced in going out on my own in the "real world" (ie secular) for the first time with secular peers was like nothing I anticipated.

I was brought up as a garden-variety Catholic.
I discovered life was not perfect in my early twenties.
I attribute this late enlightenment to religious hocus pocus and having had a dissociative disorder that insulated me from reality.

As you can imagine, I am VERY serious about embracing "The Truth" now as a result and dedicated myself to being objective and analytical.
Some ppl have attacked me for openly saying this.

 

[Wolfnox]

I'm an atheist and am raising my son with no religious beliefs. We have read some books together on religion, especially on how beliefs evolve into religions and how those religions further develop over time in order for him to have an understanding of my family's faith. We also read books on science and evolution. I was trying to make him impervious to any indoctrination they might try to instill in him when I'm not around.

I also sent him to public school which was against my mom's wishes.

I think that holy books are the problem. It's hard for people to decide how much or how little to follow writings that are supposedly from a deity.

Having read it multiple times, I have more issues with the Bible itself than I do with the JW religion. I don't have a problem with more liberal faiths that follow the Bible loosely. They just aren't for me as a nonbeliever.

Just curious. Have you allowed your son to read the Bible?

 

[Wolfnox]

For my part. I was sheltered and raised Christian.
Most of the people I knew were family or relatives.
Public school first grade was the shock. I was taught all men and women are brothers and sisters.
So went in thinking everyone would be friendly. No one was. If they were they wanted something from you.
Lies and cruelty were very common. I was bullied from that point until graduation.
Hated for no real reason.
That piece that wanted to be friends was destroyed.
Didn’t lose my faith though. It keep me alive threw it all.

 

[Twilight]

Just curious. Have you allowed your son to read the Bible?

He’s expressed no interest in reading the Bible. I think some of it isn’t appropriate for children, but I would’ve been okay with him reading age-appropriate passages if he was interested. I view it in a similar light as any other work of fiction/fantasy/historical fiction. He’s not expressed any interest in reading other religious writings/holy books for different belief systems, either.

My son is a skeptic like I am. He especially likes reading modern books on history and science. Kids don’t usually reach for the Bible when they want to read unless their family is religious.

 

[Judge]

What I can honestly consider to be only "morbid curiosity" at an early age drew me towards learning about the real world, and just how ugly it actually is or can be. For me, religion had no part in it. Though perhaps growing up in a military household very much had something to do with it.

I still recall learning at a very early age (October 1962) that the government came first for my father rather than his family. A tough thing to deal with as a child. After that I got accustomed to my father simply "disappearing" from time to time based on his job.

 

[Gerontius]

Raised Catholic (hi @Magna and @Jonn and everyone else) but it got weird after my parents discovered the traditional Latin mass crowd. I loved it because I'm a colossal history buff and language nerd but didn't realize basically it was a bunch of looneys.

So basically all the divisiveness of protestantism with a dose of Catholic guilt.

It's about torture I'd say if you are a man and it's reportedly worse for women because they are expected by the radical traditionalist to exist as a contradictory being: virginal under pain of hellfire, and sexually available to husbands also under pain of hellfire; modest, but always attractive, also under pain of hellfire.

And if you are a guy, and you see one and like her, well yes also hellfire.

I am asexual so that's basically gay but I do not like men either. So I was always conflicted about the whole thing because men were expected to be chronic masturbators in need of repentance, and presumably washing their hands, but that didn't appeal to me because I thought it was gross...

So I went to seminary because I thought celibacy was a perk of the job description, Catholicism was a special interest, and (to me) married intercourse always sounded intrinsically unequal like a rape and I do not think this is ethical.

Happy not to be a seminarian and to be planning on an engagement to an autistic bisexual woman who is delightful and decent and Catholic. We have a healthy relationship and should be alright.

I'm not sure how to feel about Catholicism at the present. It's more of a regular interest but I mostly view myself as a Christian who happens to be a Catholic of sorts for the sacraments and the good claim to apostolic succession. I would be an Anglican otherwise. It's awkward. Catholic life is really odd and I genuinely hate the Americanized experience in the USA parishes even though I like the States.

 

[Wolfnox]

He’s expressed no interest in reading the Bible. I think some of it isn’t appropriate for children, but I would’ve been okay with him reading age-appropriate passages if he was interested. I view it in a similar light as any other work of fiction/fantasy/historical fiction. He’s not expressed any interest in reading other religious writings/holy books for different belief systems, either.

My son is a skeptic like I am. He especially likes reading modern books on history and science. Kids don’t usually reach for the Bible when they want to read unless their family is religious.

I was curious. I had access to other books about the world alongside the Bible. Like nature, astronomy, history, book on cars, and dictionary along with encyclopedias.

I had a personal experience that got me into faith. Long before I knew the concept.

Just to say. They do make Bible picture books for kids.