Understanding/Being aware of facial expressions?

[WereBear]

Or it might be that NTs interpret intensity as strange.

That is absolutely what they do! I see nothing wrong with either picture of you.

I think NT soooo expects a "social mask" at every single moment that when we simply let our faces do what they want, it's reacted to strongly... they will always interpret such breaks in their dysfunctional social contract as scary and WRONG... somehow. Though they can never explain it, since thought has nothing to do with it

Here's my thing: it's my voice.

When I have to call the hideous travesty of "customer service" that is dealing with large and stupid corporations, I often get so frustrated that I want to scream and swear. But I do not; that would be rude.

But what I do convey, since I have to so control my voice to keep it low and unswearey, is some kind of super-scary tone in my voice that makes people scream at me that: "I have never been talked to this way in my life! How dare you!"

Yet another way we just can't win sometimes

 

[LucyPurrs]

This is a very wonderful place! This is the first time I have ever felt comfortable enough to ask if I had a creepy gaze.

It is a wonderful place and people here are very supportive and friendly and accepting. Hope you will feel welcome here.
BTW in the first picture I think you look either bored or sleepy. In the second well, like you are daydreaming or reflecting. Neither look creepy at all to me.

 

[OkRad]

I think you look thoughtful and beautiful! Now, of course, I do know what you mean. Women call it The Resting ***** Face and we get slammed on it A LOT. There is a book out called "Why Smile" and it tells how women are approached and told to "SMILE!" and men say stuff like, "You look pretty when you smile!"

I have one hell of a resting ***** face. It is not so much bitchy as it is concentrating. Men are allowed to do that.....we do it and BAM.

For example, look at Congressmen. THey are ugly as **** and they can have any Resting ***** Face they want. Now look at the Congresswomen. THEY ALL HAVE A FAKE PLASTERED SMILE OF THEIR FACES!! Every one!!!

I have learned there is ONE accetable facial exprerssion for a women over 30 and that is the fake, upturned smile.

In fact, when I run on a trail in a well to do area, they professional women are all running and it is so funny. They want to give a smile to passers by becayse they have to but, but they cut that smile off before you are even passed.

So it is like a GIF.......this brief "OK, here is your stupid, plastic smile since you HAVE TO HAVE IT, but let me be clear......I am thinking about something at my business........Bye"

 

[WereBear]

This illustrates the demands of NT society which never end. I still wonder at the people who claim it is "instinctive" when we see NT people also putting forth effort to conform. If it is "instinctive" why do they practice their entire growing up years?

 

[OkRad]

Here is a good article about this. It is infuriating and leaves women always on edge and thinking about their faces instead of work (or Latin). In fact, when I took DBT, the course book says to keep a small smile on your face. WHAT? Why?? There is a theory that people with faces that are not similar reacting have more mental lllness because their peers give them negative feedback.....whew.

What It’s Like When a Coworker Tells You to Smile

 

[kay]

First picture you look bored? Just waking up? Second one like you are at a Christmas party casually surveying the dessert layout, considering grabbing a cookie or perhaps a slice of pie. It's the lighting partly for that second one. It looks similar to the light from a lit up Christmas tree.

 

[Beguiling Orbit]

 

[LucyPurrs]

Take heart Mellowriot- you really don't look like Inigo Montoya or any other sort of villain. You are quite handsome and there's no need to feel self conscious.

 

[MonolithImmortal]

I actually posted a thread on twitter about this the other day.

I don't always have control or even awareness of my facial expressions.
Sometimes I make a face when someone is talking and I don't even know it, much less feel what my face says I'm feeling. I think this is related to alexithymia. This often leads the person who is talking to me to assume that I am communicating feelings about them or what they're talking about that often is not true, and regularly leads to people getting offended with me. This is incredibly frustrating to me. Even people who have known me my whole life (like say, my parents) get upset with me for having a negative facial reaction when I'm not feeling anything negative. I get told I'm not listening. That I'm too negative or judgemental. That I'm dismissive.

I'm not trying to be any of these things. I don't know why my eyes rolled or my face scrunched up while you were talking. Even if I don't agree with what you are saying I try to listen attentively and respectfully. I'm sorry my body seems to project something else. This is deeply frustrating to me for two reasons.

1. I am generally unable to read your body language. I don't pick up on your nonverbal signals very well and generally judge our conversation based on what you have said.

2. It feels fundamentally unfair to me that you can read my body language and make assumptions about my emotional state that may be hidden even from myself. You might be right about how I feel. But I don't know that, and it feels invasive for you to know that about me.

I wish people would give me the courtesy to assume that my body language is not reflective of what I wish to communicate, or even accurate to how I feel, and largely ignore it.

 

[Fitzo]

Well your son may not appreciate your look, but I'd be surprised if you've had many complaints from the ladies!

 

[mellowriot]

^^^^^^^^^^
Not at all.. heres a link to another forum I have open on the site
Learning how to text !!

My days are long and lonely and painful. I gave up on love, now I'm just hoping to hook up with anyone, and well, that isn't working out either

 

[mellowriot]

I don't see anything scary in the gaze. Some intensity perhaps (in the second). Perhaps we are not seeing the look that others talk about. It might be hard to capture in a picture. Or it might be that NTs interpret intensity as strange. I think its normal in the ASD world. No offense intended but it reminded me a little of this:

Usually people say I look like Blake Anderson

 

[mellowriot]

2. It feels fundamentally unfair to me that you can read my body language and make assumptions about my emotional state that may be hidden even from myself. You might be right about how I feel. But I don't know that, and it feels invasive for you to know that about me.

^^^^^^^
This !

 

[pax]

Hello and welcome to this fantastic forum.

To me, in truth, you look bored; not frightening or evil etc.

I agree, and off topic you look a bit like a cousin of mine - the expression too.

 

[Ragnahawk]

So, all through out my life I've been told I have a very haunting gaze, that I look like a serial killer, like I have no soul, etc. I didn't mind it much, but recently my son told me that my eyes freaked him out.

I am never aware of "the look", and I hate that I even have to have an explanation!

I told my son that I was sad, and that is was hard to hide the sadness.

Has this happened to anyone else in the forum, have you been unaware of signals you're giving off to the world? I have come across people who have told me that they move their lips as they... I guess you could call it.. lose awareness of their body's behavior. But they didn't really have any solutions for me, in fact, I had to have a solution for them.

just for reference I told my son to take a picture of my look:
View attachment 40766

I also tried to catch the look myself..

View attachment 40768

So, all through out my life I've been told I have a very haunting gaze, that I look like a serial killer, like I have no soul, etc. I didn't mind it much, but recently my son told me that my eyes freaked him out.

I am never aware of "the look", and I hate that I even have to have an explanation!

I told my son that I was sad, and that is was hard to hide the sadness.

Has this happened to anyone else in the forum, have you been unaware of signals you're giving off to the world? I have come across people who have told me that they move their lips as they... I guess you could call it.. lose awareness of their body's behavior. But they didn't really have any solutions for me, in fact, I had to have a solution for them.

just for reference I told my son to take a picture of my look:
View attachment 40766

I also tried to catch the look myself..

View attachment 40768

Smile all the time and your natural facial expression will start to change.

 

[Fitzo]

^^^^^^^^^^
Not at all.. heres a link to another forum I have open on the site
Learning how to text !!

My days are long and lonely and painful. I gave up on love, now I'm just hoping to hook up with anyone, and well, that isn't working out either

I read your text conversation and I don't know if that is what people on Tinder expect but........IMHO any girl who would meet up with a total stranger, get high with them and then have sex in a car parked up some trail or in some hotel room would need their head examined!

I know I'm from a completely different generation but I think most girls still like at least the pretence of a little romance.
Maybe you should run that conversation past some young women and get their perspective, but for me if you'd just suggested a meal and a couple of drinks and left it at that I think you would have had a date that night. To my mind that might have worked for two guys hooking up, but women usually prefer a little more subtlety. Any further action could be discussed after you'd spent a little time together and got a feeling for how much chemistry was there.

You're a good looking guy, maybe you need to work on your delivery and you might have more success.

 

[Suzanne]

Just the other day, I was told that an expression that I have has been interpreted as negative.

Basically, this lady asks me often if I will go into a post office with her and translate for her ( French)? My expression gives off that I don't want to help her and that got her angry and hitting out that she goes out of her way for me, yet when she asks for my help, I resent it. I was MORTIFIED and explained that, actually what I am thinking is: oh no, suppose I cannot translate? I am not fluient in French at all and so, there is always a fear that I do not understand what is being said. She, however said: well, you know a lot more French than I do! I had to stem a sigh of frustration, because of course I do, since she cannot speak French "full stop", but doesn't mean I am fluient and so, now, I have to try and change my facial expression, which is rather difficult, since I am not looking at myself, but I know that each time she asks me to translate, I will have that "I don't want to help you" look and just hope she recognises it is not about her.

 

[Sabrina]

My kids have asked me sometimes if I am angry, and I answer them that I’m not, that I’m just thinking. Because of that (I concentrate too often, or I’m puzzled too often) I have two permanent vertical wrinkles between my eyebrows.

 

[Luigi]

I’ve been told the same things about me. I’ve been told I scare people, even though I have never had a conversation with them. When I’m outside my house, I’m on constant guard, so I’m too busy analyzing everything around me to have a changing facial expression. When I hear I something funny I smirk, and the rest of my face stays still, and I think that might make me look like a psychopath or something. I remember I was in a class with 200 plus people, and the professor showed a clip that apparently was funny, and the whole class laughed except me. I would understand if some people gets creeped out by that.

 

[Martin McNickle]

You look bored.