Understanding/Being aware of facial expressions?

[Ambi]

Yes, ever since I was a kid - I remember being told that I looked "very serious" when I entered kindergarten. My face naturally looks anxious, sad/traumatized, or angry. When I smile it all goes away, of course, but that's my resting face. People react quite badly to it. One man even yelled out at me in public that I had an evil face. People have found me scary, snobby, creepy/weird based on my facial expressions. And when they are kinder, I hate dealing with their concerned questioning, "What's wrong?" I hate explaining the mysteries of my face - explaining I am fine.

 

[Progster]

This just came up for me today, I got asked why I was angry. I wasn't angry, I just don't like forced social interaction and didn't feel like talking, so I just said hello and didn't smile, or rather gave a thin, brief smile - I couldn't. I find it difficult to act out emotions that I'm not feeling at that moment. It feels like an intrusion, or invasion. Why do people automatically assume that you are angry if you aren't smiling?

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

This time :

Is the elephant in the room :

A caterpillar?

 

[Ambi]

My kids have asked me sometimes if I am angry, and I answer them that I’m not, that I’m just thinking. Because of that (I concentrate too often, or I’m puzzled too often) I have two permanent vertical wrinkles between my eyebrows.

Ack, ack, ack, I'm getting those wrinkles, too! For me, what really did it was seeing disturbing signs of cultural decline on TV (or on the internet), even if it was just in commercials for reality shows, just all the crazy sensationalism and terrible things going on around the world, etc - I would sit their and scrunch my face without realizing it, and those lines started showing up. We got rid of cable/fios. I now do it less, but there is still evidence of the damage done, lol.

 

[Ambi]

Just the other day, I was told that an expression that I have has been interpreted as negative.

Basically, this lady asks me often if I will go into a post office with her and translate for her ( French)? My expression gives off that I don't want to help her and that got her angry and hitting out that she goes out of her way for me, yet when she asks for my help, I resent it. I was MORTIFIED and explained that, actually what I am thinking is: oh no, suppose I cannot translate? I am not fluient in French at all and so, there is always a fear that I do not understand what is being said. She, however said: well, you know a lot more French than I do! I had to stem a sigh of frustration, because of course I do, since she cannot speak French "full stop", but doesn't mean I am fluient and so, now, I have to try and change my facial expression, which is rather difficult, since I am not looking at myself, but I know that each time she asks me to translate, I will have that "I don't want to help you" look and just hope she recognises it is not about her.

Suzanne, are you from the US? Something I have wondered is if the US is just way more "smiley" than other cultures, specifically French. I remember some French exchange students telling us they were puzzled with why Americans smiled and said hello to much, multiple times to even the same person per day. I wonder if there less social pressure to be super smiley/happy looking in France than in the US.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Suzanne, are you from the US? Something I have wondered is if the US is just way more "smiley" than other cultures, specifically French. I remember some French exchange students telling us they were puzzled with why Americans smiled and said hello to much, multiple times to even the same person per day. I wonder if there less social pressure to be super smiley/happy looking in France than in the US.

In russia or finland ylu smile at someone for no reason then they think you a certifiable idiot.
Europe is somewhere in between.

If you go back to janes austens intepretation - you can't speak to anyone unless you're formally introduced.

So it's a bit like that too.

 

[Suzanne]

Suzanne, are you from the US? Something I have wondered is if the US is just way more "smiley" than other cultures, specifically French. I remember some French exchange students telling us they were puzzled with why Americans smiled and said hello to much, multiple times to even the same person per day. I wonder if there less social pressure to be super smiley/happy looking in France than in the US.

Not at all. I am from the uk, but live in France. But it is joked that I am truly Italian lol

 

[Sabrina]

In russia or finland ylu smile at someone for no reason then they think you a certifiable idiot.
Europe is somewhere in between.

If you go back to janes austens intepretation - you can't speak to anyone unless you're formally introduced.

So it's a bit like that too.

@Ambi @Fridgemagnetman
A lot of countries in Latin America (not all) are the other extreme. Like in the US, you’re supposed to smile to people you don’t know. But on top of that, some people get genuinely bothered if you enter a small place (let’s say, an elevator, or the waiting room of a doctor) and you don’t say ‘good morning’ or ‘good afternoon’. I’ve heard many times people (specially older people, but not only) complaining about other people because ‘They don’t even say hi, Where has education go? There are no good manners anymore’.

 

[Sabrina]

In russia or finland ylu smile at someone for no reason then they think you a certifiable idiot.

In Chile a lot of people are like that, which is a huge cultural shock because the rest of Latin America (except Argentina) is the other opposite, extremely friendly. So, you have this Chilean people, speaking Spanish, acting like the stereotypical German (they have a lot of German, French and British background). It’s too weird.

 

[Sabrina]

Suzanne, are you from the US? Something I have wondered is if the US is just way more "smiley" than other cultures, specifically French. I remember some French exchange students telling us they were puzzled with why Americans smiled and said hello to much, multiple times to even the same person per day. I wonder if there less social pressure to be super smiley/happy looking in France than in the US.

I spent some time in Paris a long time ago, and even though I fell in love with the city, it was very tough on me emotionally. I remember one day thinking, rather desperately, that I wished that someone would talk to me. People in general are friendlier in the US, than in France. Being friendly includes smiling more.

 

[Karen S.]

In Russia's case, it's probably influenced by their long experience with Communism. If you smiled, you would draw attention to yourself (by the Secret Police), like you're not "Properly Miserable" enough!

 

[Ambi]

In russia or finland ylu smile at someone for no reason then they think you a certifiable idiot.
Europe is somewhere in between.

If you go back to janes austens intepretation - you can't speak to anyone unless you're formally introduced.

So it's a bit like that too.

My Russian friends are usually less smiley - except for one elderly lady, who was very bright and cheerful, dressed impeccably with perfect jewelry, makeup and hat But as for the people closer to my age - one has said, "You can't offend me. I'm Russian." So her seriousness and frankness is actually a relief for me!

 

[Susagna]

I think you look like a romantic poet or a philosopher.

 

[flawedplan]

I know this is an old thread but I've been up all night reading and find a certain theme recurring I want to jump on before turning in. And here it is beautifully put:

I don't understand why we torture ourselves trying to figure out what it is that NTs are feeling at any given moment, and when we don't "get it" we are considered weird, strange, and unworthy of respect, which to me is what that particular facial expression indicates. At the same time, they are judging us and they either don't know or don't care what we might be feeling. Why are their feelings so much more important then ours? I have lived my life knowing (from the way others treat me) that I am different somehow

That's the thing -- maybe you are not so different from what you refer to as the NT. Maybe these people giving you the stink-eye believe they have the same impulses that you do but choose to rein them in to promote a pro-social climate. Maybe that's all there is to it. If that's true, then isn't understandable that they would wonder how come you get to break the social rules and they don't, and resent you for it?

I don't understand all the agonizing either. Why don't people just talk, just say what's on their mind? I don't think there are easy answers here, since I ask my Aspie BF to do this every day, and it's very difficult for him to say what's going on inside him.

 

[Progster]

For me the problem is that I don't notice a person's facial expression when I'm talking to them and I don't pick up on their mood. When I'm talking or listening, I'm too busy processing/concentrating on what they are saying or speaking to be aware of any subtle facial expressions.