Understanding/Being aware of facial expressions?

[spaceman]

I just thought of something... I don't like looking people in the eye (why does that just make me feel sick inside?), so maybe sometimes I'm trying very hard to seem normal that I'm not noticing or registering how they look or the expression on their face. Just a thought...

That's how it is here to. my innermind is flapping to hold it together, and no way can all the NT stuff make it through. Eye contact for me is an issue. But not always. Well not with every single person at least.

After a boss has given me a a set of instructions I'm like yep. Got it. No worries yeah I'll sort it out...

Then walk way puzzled, stressed and spun out. What did it 'sound like he said....?? Hmm....
Minutes later I'm like
It sounded like: (I run through the syllables and flow and tone in my head. What it sounded like phonetically)

Ah he wants me to tidy my desk and this, that and the other.

Sometimes I get it so times I don't.
One thing is for sure. When you work in a college and this is the principal, I can't exactly tap his door afterwards and say "can you say all that again please?" Thanks

 

[Chance]

That's how it is here to. my innermind is flapping to hold it together, and no way can all the NT stuff make it through. Eye contact for me is an issue. But not always. Well not with every single person at least.

After a boss has given me a a set of instructions I'm like yep. Got it. No worries yeah I'll sort it out...

Then walk way puzzled, stressed and spun out. What did it 'sound like he said....?? Hmm....
Minutes later I'm like
It sounded like: (I run through the syllables and flow and tone in my head. What it sounded like phonetically)

Ah he wants me to tidy my desk and this, that and the other.

Sometimes I get it so times I don't.
One thing is for sure. When you work in a college and this is the principal, I can't exactly tap his door afterwards and say "can you say all that again please?" Thanks

So your running around doing everything that might even to relate to what was said and still miss the report he just asked for... I actually did that recently. I felt so stupid, but luckily I had already done it and just forgot to get it to him. I have the worlds greatest boss, who is the President of the Board of Directors for the company I work for...

He usually just laughs with me and scruffs my head (I hate that) and we move on. I am very blessed to have a good job and I never try to screw that up, but I do sometimes (never on purpose). If only the rest of my life could follow that pattern??? : )

 

[dragoncat16]

I don't understand why we torture ourselves trying to figure out what it is that NTs are feeling at any given moment, and when we don't "get it" we are considered weird, strange, and unworthy of respect, which to me is what that particular facial expression indicates. At the same time, they are judging us and they either don't know or don't care what we might be feeling. Why are their feelings so much more important then ours? We are human beings too.

I have lived my life knowing (from the way others treat me) that I am different somehow, and trying desparately to "fit in". Only recently have I been diagnosed, and discovered exactly how I am different. I always thought that others treated me the way they did because they were jealous of my high intelligence. I did, however, notice that other truly intelligent people (those of near-genius level and above, and, yes, I have met many such people in my field of study/work) are much more accepting - perhaps thay are on the spectrum as well and have simply transcended the judgement of others because of their high aptitude. When I have met new people for the first time, I have played my part well, and at first I am accepted, but then, all of a sudden, I do something weird (usually I have no idea what it is), and overnight I become a complete outcast in the group and I eventually have to move on.

Why am I the one who is considered to have a "disorder" when it is the NTs who judge others so completely and use some kind of arbitrary measure of a person's worth (such as how often that person makes eye contact, perhaps?) to determine whether that person is worthy of being treated like a human being? I just don't understand how I'm supposed to be inferior to these people. I always try to help others when I can, and I forgive them and let it go when they treat me like crap, and then it turns out they hate me anyway. Why are people so willing to hate others and abuse them and drive them into depression without a second's hesitation considered to be "ok" and I'm considered to have some kind of syndrome? Just because they are 99% of the population and we're only 1%? Maybe it's them that have the "disorder".

I give up. I just don't give a crap what their stupid facial expressions mean, for the exact reason that they don't give a crap about what I am feeling. Maybe we'd all be a lot happier if we just let them judge us how they want, but all the time knowing that we are above those petty, stupid, judgemental morons.

<rant finished, for now>

 

[spaceman]

So your running around doing everything that might even to relate to what was said and still miss the report he just asked for... I actually did that recently. I felt so stupid, but luckily I had already done it and just forgot to get it to him. I have the worlds greatest boss, who is the President of the Board of Directors for the company I work for...

He usually just laughs with me and scruffs my head (I hate that) and we move on. I am very blessed to have a good job and I never try to screw that up, but I do sometimes (never on purpose). If only the rest of my life could follow that pattern??? : )

That's great. I'm waiting for hopefully a positive diagnoses. Then I'll set out about getting a job I can do, but also how the place fits with me. I've never felt I had an option before, desperate to not totally splat the interview let alone get choosy.

So my next bosses will be well aware of my space oddities before the interview. Maybe then I'll dazzle them. .

 

[Chance]

That's great. I'm waiting for hopefully a positive diagnoses. Then I'll set out about getting a job I can do, but also how the place fits with me. I've never felt I had an option before, desperate to not totally splat the interview let alone get choosy.

So my next bosses will be well aware of my space oddities before the interview. Maybe then I'll dazzle them. .

We always see the worst in most things (I am most certainly guilty of it) But there are good people out there who will give you a chance. Just be honest (but maybe not say a lot about ASD unless asked) and give them VALUE... Then the screw ups aren't such an issue. Just show them how bad you want it and it is most often yours over a little time... Don't settle, only settle until you find your spot and then... Blow their minds.

I may be this weak ASD freak, but I can do things in business that have shocked people. I was given a chance with a golf course about to collapse... No one else wanted it, it was a dead stick... Now its one of the most profitable parts of the corporation...
ASD or not, I did what no one else wanted and it wrote me a ticket to about anything I want, within reason of course. Give them VALUE, and honesty and have some patience, thats all it takes, thats the big secret.

 

[spaceman]

We always see the worst in most things (I am most certainly guilty of it) But there are good people out there who will give you a chance. Just be honest (but maybe not say a lot about ASD unless asked) and give them VALUE... Then the screw ups aren't such an issue. Just show them how bad you want it and it is most often yours over a little time... Don't settle, only settle until you find your spot and then... Blow their minds.

I may be this weak ASD freak, but I can do things in business that have shocked people. I was given a chance with a golf course about to collapse... No one else wanted it, it was a dead stick... Now its one of the most profitable parts of the corporation...
ASD or not, I did what no one else wanted and it wrote me a ticket to about anything I want, within reason of course. Give them VALUE, and honesty and have some patience, thats all it takes, thats the big secret.

I'm not going to press like or agree etc. As your answer was ALL The options. Is there a click for that? Cheers chance. Yes I get you totally. Value the good ones. I won't settle, and I won't confide all. And when I'm in the zone, I'll dazzle em. I got an idea for apple phones. Dont know how to go about it. But if I was in graphic design etc I'd blow em away. Anti theft device.

I've started to take my little invention mind a bit Kore serously now I may be A S.

Spaceman technology

 

[Oda a la Tormenta]

I have learned to learn people's patterns. So I often associate whole entire courses of actions with people more than certain expressions. Makes me feel as though I know them I guess? So I tend to really need to be in close proximity with people to really get to know them and their proclivities. But people in general I very much struggle. I often still struggle with people in my life close to me but whom are close guarded and hard to read, simply because they may change how they are feeling in a dime. I may know their habits well but don't understand or can't read them. So it's very confusing. So in general practice, I wait to respond a lot, see what or how other people in the conversation are doing or saying and try to get the best handle on it I can. Still often when I respond I often second guess myself. I can tell when they find my response odd or weird and I learned to try to deflect with humor, which sometimes works. I use repeated phrases a lot, the same greetings or goodbyes(I work in retail.) It's just easier that way, and makes contact with the customer easier on both of us.

 

[megacomic]

To a certain extent. But the challenge was deciphering context. I used to get angry because I always assumed women were laughing at me, but it wasn't until some of my NT friends explained to me that I was handsome that I realized women were smiling at me for a different reason than I previously thought.

 

[SunnyDay16]

I usually can understand facial expressions. The less overt ones require more work to understand I guess. I usually can get that "vibe" that the person doesn't like me or interacting with me.

 

[mellowriot]

So, all through out my life I've been told I have a very haunting gaze, that I look like a serial killer, like I have no soul, etc. I didn't mind it much, but recently my son told me that my eyes freaked him out.

I am never aware of "the look", and I hate that I even have to have an explanation!

I told my son that I was sad, and that is was hard to hide the sadness.

Has this happened to anyone else in the forum, have you been unaware of signals you're giving off to the world? I have come across people who have told me that they move their lips as they... I guess you could call it.. lose awareness of their body's behavior. But they didn't really have any solutions for me, in fact, I had to have a solution for them.

just for reference I told my son to take a picture of my look:

I also tried to catch the look myself..

 

[Suzanne]

Hello and welcome to this fantastic forum.

To me, in truth, you look bored; not frightening or evil etc.

Your second picture reminds me of the guy I fell in love with, when I was 18 lol I admit to having a chuckle of the similarities ( you are safe hehehe).

 

[Bolletje]

I think you look a little stoned in the first picture. Nothing scary there imo.

 

[mellowriot]

This is a very wonderful place! This is the first time I have ever felt comfortable enough to ask if I had a creepy gaze.

 

[the_tortoise]

Has this happened to anyone else in the forum, have you been unaware of signals you're giving off to the world?

Yes, but not so much with my facial expressions -- more with things like behaviors being misinterpreted. (Stimming, restless/hyperactive fidgeting, and lack of eye contact all being interpreted as indicators of anxiety and/or lack of self-confidence, for example.)

To me I'd say you have a sort of "far away" look, but otherwise your expression is very neutral.

In the picture your son took I would also add a guess of maybe a little bit tired, troubled, sad, or bored to "far away". (I could see stoned, like Bolletje said, but that wouldn't be among my first guesses.)

In the second picture that you took your expression is a little brighter and your eyes appear more focused on whatever you're looking at.

For whatever it is worth I don't think you look scary/threatening or soulless (how can a person even look soulless?)....you just look like an ordinary guy to me. Not creepy or scary/sinister.

I suspect that people just find your expression hard to read -- that it's not that you actually look creepy or threatening but that they are unnerved by being unable to read you.

I have noticed that when a person is hard for others to read then they tend to get interpreted as angry or threatening.... it is, ironically, a lack of expression that people are reading all kinds of things into, possibly because they are more familiar with angry/threatening people trying to hide or suppress expression of negative feelings than they are with people who just naturally have very neutral or just very subtle expression in their faces and voices and aren't hiding/suppressing anything.

 

[mellowriot]

I suspect that people just find your expression hard to read -- that it's not that you actually look creepy or threatening but that they are unnerved by being unable to read you.

I have noticed that when a person is hard for others to read then they tend to get interpreted as angry or threatening.... it is, ironically, a lack of expression that people are reading all kinds of things into, possibly because they are more familiar with angry/threatening people trying to hide or suppress expression of negative feelings than they are with people who just naturally have very neutral or just very subtle expression in their faces and voices and aren't hiding/suppressing anything.

Reading this was genuinely a moment of learning. Bravo.

 

[xudo]

To me, you look bored or like you're off in your own world. People think I'm angry or pissed off quite a lot, but I've always put it down to having resting b***h face.

 

[Nightingale121]

To me you look bored (picture 1) or like you're off in your own world (picture 2) like @xudo said. The second picture looks also more neural to me and more focused (on your own world/thoughts).

I wasn't told the things you mentioned, @mellowriot. Instead I'm rather asked if I'm okay when I think I just have a neutral facial expression. It seems to come across as sad or feeling bad. I don't make this expression on purpose. It's more of my general expression when I'm thinking about something or not doing much at all.
But I also get the "you look like you're in your own world/deep in thoughts" comment, usually when I'm actually zoning out or thinking about things, so this description is somewhat accurate.
These are the most common two options others assume when I feel as if I look neutral or don't pay attention to my facial expression at all.

However, people sometimes think I stare at them when I actualy don't really look at them intentionally, but just stare somewhere lost in thoughts while their face is just there in this direction conicidentially. I am aware of this though after various comments, so I try to make sure not to "look at" people when I'm not atually looking at them, but just focusing on my own thoughts.

 

[Tom]

I don't see anything scary in the gaze. Some intensity perhaps (in the second). Perhaps we are not seeing the look that others talk about. It might be hard to capture in a picture. Or it might be that NTs interpret intensity as strange. I think its normal in the ASD world. No offense intended but it reminded me a little of this:

 

[onlything]

That's my gaze.
Credit the owner next time.*jokes*Seriously, I look the same when I don't think about sustaining neutral or happy expression. Count permanent dark circles under eyes and you get a receipe for a disaster. Even my passport photo looks like I run away from the prison or so I was told. For me it's just a bored or indifferent expression.

 

[Major Tom]

I don't think you look scary, perhaps a little sad like you described. Or spaced out, maybe a little of both lol. I get the "why do you look so pissed off? " question a lot, and its merely when I am concentrating, or feeling normal. I don't think I look that way, but I have caught myself in the mirror indeed looking pissed. I'm not trying it, and I hope I'm not doing it to my students or son. It seems like I have no control over it though, I just naturally have that facial expression. I have to tell myself "smile with your mouth, but most importantly with the eyes", otherwise I look like an angry dude.