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The Extrovert Aspie

Vanilla said:
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The Extrovert Aspie

I’m an extrovert Aspie. You’re a what now? Yes, you read it correctly, I’m an extrovert Aspie.
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No offence but if you look like this picture then no-one is gonna wanna let you join in :eek::D
 
I think I'm more of an ambivert. Some uncertain social situations give me major anxiety or drain me, especially if I don't know how to act, but I love being around friends and going out. I need some alone/down time, but I can't have too much without getting restless and depressed.
 
I've been on and off. I used to be very shy and lonely, very introverted - and midway through college I happened to just snap out of my shyness. I was also tired of being lonely so...I became an extrovert. One of the biggest mistakes I've EVER made. I can never find a middle ground, I'm always on the extreme ends of things. I became too extroverted. I tried to fit in and make friends with everyone. I was jealous of how my classmates all got along with each other so well and I wanted the same thing; only with my total lack of social skills I ended up trying too hard, waaaaaaaay too hard - and just pushed them all away, without ever meaning to. Most of them either started hating me or ridiculing me. Miraculously, a few of them actually did think that I was cool. What?? But that's very much a positive thing, at least I wasn't TOTALLY alone. I shudder to think about this, about how I could have done better. I could have done better, I should have done better. Much, much better. I could have just stayed an introvert, I think it was the only wasted solution for someone like myself.

I used to hang out at the computer labs at the university all the time, they were like a second home to me. Yet the way I behaved...Dear God. The fact that I'm looking back on this in a negative light shows that I've since adapted. I kept trying to always talk to everyone there, even when they were studying. I used to always try to join study groups, which also meant looking over someone's shoulder while they were studying because that supposedly constitutes a "study group". I used to be very loud, and I used to just talk and talk and talk and talk. I used to say a lot of things that I thought were polite but boy was I wrong. I used to be either too happy or too whiny. I used to obsess over things, so many things. I used to also worry like I still do now. I used to do things that made no sense and I used to be very stubborn. I did not understand any body language and was unable to tell if someone was getting bored. I used to post 20+ statuses on Facebook and send tons of messages to people because I assumed they were my friends. Oh, and I always assumed things and still do. Many removed me and some even blocked. Can't say I blame them. Let's not forget being very gullible and naive, too. People thought I was crazy and/or on drugs. Retrospectively I realized what I've done, but the ship has already sailed. I was just this trainwreck excuse of a human being and I started hating myself after graduation.

When I graduated I went back to introvert. Cut contact with all the people I've unintentionally wronged. Perfect timing, too - because I started a job where for several months I was the only employee. I still work that job and with some coworkers that I've learned from; I'd hate to admit it but I still exhibit a lot of the undesired behaviors, yet I can definitely say I've improved some by being at this job and surrounded by people who treat me in a CIVIL manner. I'm an ambivert now. I've formed some friends that I just "click" with, and with them I'm an extrovert. With many others I try to be quiet for the most part. At home, I exhibit some behavioral issues and I can call myself an ambivert there. I'm constantly saying something to my parents whenever I'm in this hyper happy mood, but at other times I just want to be left alone and don't want them coming into my room. I've even wondered at times whether I'm also bipolar/ADD, but I definitely don't think I'm bipolar. I do think I have ADD or ADHD though, no official diagnosis as of this point.
 
Interesting... I do tend to mostly be an introvert, but I also spend lots of time outside my house, most of that time outside my house is spent behind the lens of a camera admittedly... But I do simply enjoy getting out to explore the "big city" I live in, taking some photos along the way of course...

Today? A Sunday...

I usually go somewhere for breakfast about 9 AM or so, I enjoy a cooked breakfast with eggs and meat, and also quietly reading the weekend newspaper, then as usual I went to church at 10:30, early afternoon went to a local flea market, I know a few people there that I talk to, I've been a regular for a few years... I did a little street photography outside, including one street portrait... As I left I spotted a man walking up the street with a camera, started up a conversation around photography, turns out he's from Georgia (the country) and was in town briefly for a rugby match of a team from his country... He's in Seattle for a month or two and simply decided to make the trip up here for the match... Then met with a friend at a nearby coffee shop for our regular Sunday afternoon coffee break... While there I did some street shots of a poi spinning busker, talked to her briefly... Then did my usual grocery trip to get ready for a work week and went home by about 5:45 PM... I don't like going out on Sunday night, preferring to wind down from a weekend... And I do live on my own and am single...

I do like to get out for different social and arts events during the weekday evenings (after work) but usually ones where there is something to focus on other than small talk, like a music jam, poetry reading, classic car cruise night, camera club meeting, etc...

Despite what I just said, I do believe I have Asperger's, due to other factors, I think I've learned to be more social and tend to better one one one, which most of today was when interacting with people...
 
Tyrantus1212 said:
I've been on and off. I used to be very shy and lonely, very introverted - and midway through college I happened to just snap out of my shyness. I was also tired of being lonely so...I became an extrovert. One of the biggest mistakes I've EVER made. I can never find a middle ground, I'm always on the extreme ends of things. I became too extroverted...
Click to expand...

I've been there, I have moments of being both a loner, and other moments of being outgoing... I know that the practice of street photography has an impact on this... That alone is functionally very social... But I also tend to know where my limit is for activities, most of the time, and find I do need some down time... Although I'm getting a general impression I'm more active than most Aspie's, look at my post above this one... :sunglasses: And nice chatting last night...
 
I'm both-ish:

If I am in a group where I know the majority of people well (mainly family) I can feel comfy and be more of an extrovert.

However, if I'm around more people that I'm not used to being around or people from a formal setting (like work colleagues or strangers) I can become really introverted.

I think this may be out of fear of being misunderstood and feeling vulnerable, that's why I'm able to come out of my shell when I'm around those who know me best.
 
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