I love this article! I found it the other day because I felt inspired to do a search for "extroverted aspie" after some friends of mine insisted that I was an extrovert. This piece blew my mind!! It is so me and now I can't believe that I never noticed how extroverted I am. I did think of myself basically as an "extroverted introvert", or an introvert with excellent social skills (after YEARS of learning healthy social skills)... But apparently I drew the line there.
I have lots I'd love to share about my own experiences (of course I do, LOL) but I've been thinking so much about the idea that aspies are inherently introverted that I just have to share what I figured out there first.
The more I think, and hear from others, about this extrovert thing, the more it seems to me like this:
I had thought it was as simple as "if your energy comes from socializing, then you're an extrovert, else you're an introvert."
But I don't think anyone would argue that even the most extroverted person isn't going to get energy from, say, talking to friends while someone is repeatedly jabbing them in the leg for an hour.
And if an established extrovert was in a relationship with someone emotionally abusive, I don't think anyone would argue that feeling emotionally drained from interacting with them meant they weren't extroverted after all.
And if those things are true, then of course it follows that an extroverted aspie might very well feel drained from the effort of navigating social nuances, or from the neurological din of being overstimulated, even if they are also getting emotional energy from being in a positive social setting.
And of course it makes sense that those of us with abuse backgrounds often get confused about being extroverts as well, because we often still have people in our lives who don't respect boundaries, or because we're often still easily triggered even by totally safe people.
It's been easy for me to assume that my PTSD-learned, aspie-influenced tendency to underestimate my tolerance for being around people, to feel like I have to guard my energy around them and prioritize being alone, is an introvert thing.
This post blew the doors off that for me and made me realize that if I'm an extrovert, then for me this is obviously just a relic of the abuse. It made me think about how much I've guarded myself, the same way that you'd guard an old injury. The way you might walk or sit or hold things differently even though nothing hurts anymore, because you subconsciously are afraid it will get injured again.
It also made me think about the way I use Facebook... Sometimes I will sit there and just keep opening Facebook then email, then go look for blog posts to read because there's nothing new in the Facebook or email. And I realized that's not me seeking entertainment (after all, I'm usually at home, surrounded by cats and books and TV)... It's me seeking social interaction that isn't there.
The more I realize what an extrovert I am, the more I notice how much I enjoy and want to talk to people... And wouldn't you know, I've constructed my life so that I hardly ever do! I work from home most of the time, I only see my friends once or twice a week (okay that actually seems about normal for a married adult BUT STILL), I'm taking four classes (computer science) but all of them are online...!
(also, I was just thinking about how much I liked being on the board of a twelve-step fellowship I'm in, because it meant that there was often some interesting email discussion ready for me to engage in... And then I remembered how much feedback I used to get about my long, long emails, and how people felt overwhelmed and pressured by them... Because in email there's really no cue for me to try to pick up on about people being ready for me to stop! Just like here
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