The Extrovert Aspie

[Vanilla]

Hey everyone

Just wanted to share a few things with you, regarding this topic. Once again I'm fishing for any potential extroverted Aspies out there.

If you're thinking that the term "extroverted Aspie" seems like a contradiction to you, you're probably not the only one. I have come to learn though, that I myself am just that; at least, compared to the common idea of what an Aspie is. When compared to your typical NT, I can still come across as fairly cold, or weird, but am much more open to conversations, getting involved with people, and loving the attention I can get from others.

If there are any other extroverted Aspies out there, feel free to share your stories! I've also included an interesting article below, as well as my latest blog post "The Social Experiment" (for those of you who are interested in where I disappear to from time to time).

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The Extrovert Aspie

I’m an extrovert Aspie. You’re a what now? Yes, you read it correctly, I’m an extrovert Aspie.

Now I can see you all frowning at your screens. Isn’t autism supposed to be all about being shy, and not talking to others and such? Indeed the common belief is that women with Asperger’s Syndrome tend to keep to themselves, only speak when spoken to, and are more observers than participants.

So how does this work when you have a very outgoing personality? I will make a list of things that might help you understand…

To read more from this source:
The extrovert Aspie

Also a good read "Introverted vs. Extroverted":
Autistic introversion vs autistic extroversion

If you're interested, you can also read up on my latest blog post, the "Social Experiment":
The Social Experiment | AspiesCentral.com

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[King_Oni]

Hah! I was looking at the source you linked; it sounds so much like me, except for a point here or there. But most points do apply to me. Though I've never considered myself to be much of an introvert.

 

[Vanilla]

Hah! I was looking at the source you linked; it sounds so much like me, except for a point here or there. But most points do apply to me. Though I've never considered myself to be much of an introvert.

Yeah, I can definitely see it applied to you

 

[King_Oni]

From all the points listed, I think 6. is the only one that doesn't apply to me. I have a few good friendships and I'm not that much of a people person in general. It's still one of the reasons why I sometimes choose to stay home rather than go out during a weekend. I still need my "alone time".

 

[Vanilla]

Number 8 I've only recently done at uni (before I had even found this article), so I was surprised to find it listed there! I wrote about it in my blog

 

[Peace]

Me! Pick Me! I am about as extra as they come.
I attend meetings like town board and school boards and love to give my opinion, and then converse with people afterwards. I love to speak in public and do really random things to get peoples attention but mainly to make them laugh or to think about something.
I am also (apparently) really good at interrupting. Not one of my better qualities, but you wouldn't want to have too many of those. Talking on the phone and just sharing in conversation in general. I have also been known to jump right in a strangers conversation, no problem.

 

[Vanilla]

Me! Pick Me! I am about as extra as they come.
I attend meetings like town board and school boards and love to give my opinion, and then converse with people afterwards. I love to speak in public and do really random things to get peoples attention but mainly to make them laugh or to think about something.
I am also (apparently) really good at interrupting. Not one of my better qualities, but you wouldn't want to have too many of those. Talking on the phone and just sharing in conversation in general. I have also been known to jump right in a strangers conversation, no problem.

Haha, I'm also guilty for being random, or saying random things, to get a laugh, or to make others think. It's good fun

Also guilty of interrupting people at times, but I try not to. I just get so excited, that I blurt out my thoughts too soon

 

[icesyckel]

Much depends on how you define extroversion and introversion.

If you are saying that being introverted is equivalent to being shy, and extroverted is equivalent to being able to be confident in and enjoy social situations, then I believe there are extroverted aspies.

However, those definitions are not how the terms are used clinically. To someone in the mental health profession, introverts expend energy (adds stress) in social situations whereas extroverts replenish their energy in social situations (destress). At least, this is how my psychiatrist explains it. From this perspective, which has nothing to do with whether you are shy or bold in public, I do believe an "extroverted aspie" is an oxymoron.

My problems with socializing might appear invisible most of the time due to my efforts. I can enjoy social situations, even when I am the center of attention. However, social situations, no matter how much I enjoy them, deplete me. I expend energy in the effort to say and do the right things and to keep up with social conventions/norms. I have to guard against my tendency to be literal and/or to say things that may be considered inappropriate. I don't believe genuine aspies socialize successfully without expending significant energy/effort, even if they enjoy it. For example, I may enjoy exercise, but it is still tiring.

 

[Vanilla]

Much depends on how you define extroversion and introversion.

If you are saying that being introverted is equivalent to being shy, and extroverted is equivalent to being able to be confident in and enjoy social situations, then I believe there are extroverted aspies.

However, those definitions are not how the terms are used clinically. To someone in the mental health profession, introverts expend energy (adds stress) in social situations whereas extroverts replenish their energy in social situations (destress). At least, this is how my psychiatrist explains it. From this perspective, which has nothing to do with whether you are shy or bold in public, I do believe an "extroverted aspie" is an oxymoron.

My problems with socializing might appear invisible most of the time due to my efforts. I can enjoy social situations, even when I am the center of attention. However, social situations, no matter how much I enjoy them, deplete me. I expend energy in the effort to say and do the right things and to keep up with social conventions/norms. I have to guard against my tendency to be literal and/or to say things that may be considered inappropriate. I don't believe genuine aspies socialize successfully without expending significant energy/effort, even if they enjoy it. For example, I may enjoy exercise, but it is still tiring.

That is definitely an interesting point too. I have wondered about the grey area between the definitions of being an extrovert, or introvert, when it comes to being on the spectrum, though have not had much luck finding any information that is written in a more clinical framework. It would be interesting to hear from an expert. Whether or not the authors of those articles are in fact a specialist in their field, I'm unsure, though they seem to have a rather large following.

I do enjoy socialising, but as you mentioned, it is still work to "keep up appearances", even if I do enjoy it. I do also enjoy my downtime alone, though I'm capable of seeing people on a regular basis; more so when the company is good

 

[icesyckel]

I do enjoy socialising, but as you mentioned, it is still work to "keep up appearances", even if I do enjoy it. I do also enjoy my downtime alone, though I'm capable of seeing people on a regular basis; more so when the company is good

Words are just tools used to convey the meanings. The meanings (intentions) are more important.

So, I agree that there are many aspies who are not "shy." I am not shy, and I don't believe I ever have been. While I have always enjoyed friendly social events, they do carry for me a certain degree of stress (borne out of effort expended) and sometimes a degree of anxiety - particularly when the social situation pertains to work or involves strangers. i hate getting to know new people, but I like talking to people I already know.

So, while the question of whether I am an "introvert" or an "extrovert" depends on how those terms are defined, the above description is how I am regardless.

That said, I think my psych's definitions are more "useful." We already have plenty of words to describe people who are shy or bold in social situations. The concepts he uses the words to define, however, lack any synonyms with which I am familiar. It's just a matter of utility for me.

 

[icesyckel]

Regardless of words used to describe them, I would be interesting in reading about someone on the spectrum who finds social situations to be "refreshing," meaning that social situations relax and replenish that person's energy reserves (i.e., social settings are de-stressing).

I don't really see how that would work consistent with the Dx, but I am interested in considering it if someone actually believes this to be accurate of himself/herself.

 

[Vanilla]

Regardless of words used to describe them, I would be interesting in reading about someone on the spectrum who finds social situations to be "refreshing," meaning that social situations relax and replenish that person's energy reserves (i.e., social settings are de-stressing).

I don't really see how that would work consistent with the Dx, but I am interested in considering it if someone actually believes this to be accurate of himself/herself.

I feel it's a bit of both, for me anyway. If the company is good, and I am comfortable, I actually do feel recharged from the experience, otherwise I wouldn't bother. It feeds my need for attention, and social stimulation. As I'm currently a uni student, the attention of other students, who share in my interests (ie. the course we're studying), is an absolute dream for me. It's not often I meet those who share in my obsessions. It also helps that their general nature is laid back, and slightly childish

If the situation is cold (usually when it's much too formal, or business-like), or those around me do not share anything in common with me, I start to get a bit over it quickly, and just want to go home. I especially don't do well in corporate-type environments, and strangely find I can never connect with "suits". My last job was like this. All the employees were either mothers, or grandmothers, and only spoke about children, husbands, and home-cooking. During breaks, I would actually look forward to going back to work, as lunches in the staff room were a little out of my comfort zone.

 

[icesyckel]

I feel it's a bit of both, for me anyway. If the company is good, and I am comfortable, I actually do feel recharged from the experience, otherwise I wouldn't bother. It feeds my need for attention, and social stimulation. As I'm currently a uni student, the attention of other students, who share in my interests (ie. the course we're studying), is an absolute dream for me. It's not often I meet those who share in my obsessions. It also helps that their general nature is laid back, and slightly childish

If the situation is cold (usually when it's much too formal, or business-like), or those around me do not share anything in common with me, I start to get a bit over it quickly, and just want to go home. I especially don't do well in corporate-type environments, and strangely find I can never connect with "suits". My last job was like this. All the employees were either mothers, or grandmothers, and only spoke about children, husbands, and home-cooking. During breaks, I would actually look forward to going back to work, as lunches in the staff room were a little out of my comfort zone.

I am a "suit" myself, lol.

I think you're more "introvert" than "extrovert" (using my psych's standards) for what it's worth since you only really recharge in social situations that are particularly comfortable or familiar, such as around people like yourself (i.e., when there is no need to exert effort concerning your social presentation). I think that is very consistent for people on the spectrum, since our social anxieties, pressures, and issues deal primarily with having socializing with those who are NOT like us. I could be wrong, though

 

[Vanilla]

I am a "suit" myself, lol.

I think you're more "introvert" than "extrovert" (using my psych's standards) for what it's worth since you only really recharge in social situations that are particularly comfortable or familiar, such as around people like yourself (i.e., when there is no need to exert effort concerning your social presentation). I think that is very consistent for people on the spectrum, since our social anxieties, pressures, and issues deal primarily with having socializing with those who are NOT like us. I could be wrong, though

Ah, haha, my first connection with a suit. No offence intended of course

I do appreciate the point of view. Perhaps one day I will have to bring the topic up with a specialist

 

[icesyckel]

Ah, haha, my first connection with a suit. No offence intended of course

I do appreciate the point of view. Perhaps one day I will have to bring the topic up with a specialist

None taken.

It is an interesting subject - at least to me.

 

[Harrison]

Dear god! I just read the extrovert aspie and I do all those, which is bizarre as I think I am shy. I got my NT friend to read it and she thinks the same, that I do those things.

OK, I used to lecture and loved doing it, enjoy getting on stage and singing but I thought that was my lot.

Now I'm a confused aspie

 

[Vanilla]

Dear god! I just read the extrovert aspie and I do all those, which is bizarre as I think I am shy. I got my NT friend to read it and she thinks the same, that I do those things.

OK, I used to lecture and loved doing it, enjoy getting on stage and singing but I thought that was my lot.

Now I'm a confused aspie

Susan Boyle found out she's an Aspie as well, and she was a winning contestant for a talent show on TV, singing opera on stage. I think this is much more common than is given credit for

 

[Harrison]

My friend has just given me a list of what I do, I'm in shock.

Apparently when I go to the village cafe I sit in the same place (I know I do that and it can be annoying for people sitting there), my friend reckons it's because everyone entering has to pass by me and that I talk to everyone that comes in

She said I have a reputation there for being friendly, but didn't tell me because I 'go on' about being left alone.

Totally dumbstruck

 

[Vanilla]

My friend has just given me a list of what I do, I'm in shock.

Apparently when I go to the village cafe I sit in the same place (I know I do that and it can be annoying for people sitting there), my friend reckons it's because everyone entering has to pass by me and that I talk to everyone that comes in

She said I have a reputation there for being friendly, but didn't tell me because I 'go on' about being left alone.

Totally dumbstruck

Ha, you'll have to share your list, I'm intrigued

 

[Vanilla]

None taken.

It is an interesting subject - at least to me.

I did a little bit of googling (I know it's not very official, but it will have to do for now). This sounds like it more accurately describes me:

As humans we tend to think in very black and white terms, but as writers and artists, we are wise to remember that people have many dimensions. What we see is not necessarily true, especially when it comes to labeling others as “introvert” or “extrovert.”

What Does It REALLY Mean to Be an Extrovert or Introvert?

Introversion and extroversion are commonly misunderstood. Just because someone is shy, doesn’t mean she’s an introvert. Someone who is bubbly, gregarious and the life of the party can, in reality, be an introvert. The difference between introverts and extroverts is simply this:

Where do we gain or lose energy?

Introverts are drained by people and need alone time to recharge.

Extroverts are drained by too much time alone. They need human interaction to recharge.

Meet the Ambivert

Many people fall into what is called an ambivert, meaning they exhibit traits of both. If you want to learn if you might be an ambivert, there’s a cool test here.

Source: The Myth About Introverts & Extroverts–Could You Be an Ambivert? | Kristen Lamb's Blog