Yes that is where I think we have failed in the past. He has always opinions on things that I may not have made an opinion of just yet and he has run things his way and as it could be about things that did not really matter to me we would not have much of a discussion of it. His other parent that I suspect is autistic is the same way; as if they have just decided on things but sometimes it is things that too concerns their partner but as if they still stick to what they think without even asking what we think. I have gotten a lot better with telling him that I have thought about something and this is what I think and what will make me feel good. In the past I think I took too much consideration of what he thought. He would also decide things that were up to me to decide, be real quick to share his opinion when I would have to tell him that that is not your decision to make. Then he can say no of course not. Lots of times when I have by now experience, too from his one parent when I say something or a child of ours that they will then think about it and then respect that the child or I have a different opinion. I think maybe I have taken too much consideration as a personality trait is because I am in myself in balance; could be situations at work or what ever and other people seem to get more agitated, stressed out than how I get, and so automatically when people would feel so strong about something- and my husband as well as his parent come off as if they feel very strong about something then I've been more soft. There are areas though where it is strictly forbidden where I have never been soft and he knows those, he will just say he has a different opinion but that I am the winner.The place you have gotten to, with a lot of communication sounds a lot like where me and my wife ended up, also after difficult phases. For us it's genuine. Making changes for the benefit of the relationship is worthwhile and as long as both are willing to give as well as take in the process, there is nothing wrong with it. You guys sound like you are both trying. I hope it works out and wish you well.
I'm sad to learn you two have had these troubles but really glad you found your way.
My husband has said that now he knows where he has gone wrong before and it was worse before because he felt he was loosing me more and more and he didn't know what to do about it.