CrystalSpider
New Member
Hello, everyone! So for years I’ve thought I had all different issues- anxiety, OCD, sensory processing disorder- and I do have them to some extent, but Aspergers never occurred to me, which is REALLY strange considering my son is on the spectrum. I think we are very different- he has slow processing speed, different issues, but enough overlap that I should have realized. Anyway, not very self-aware, I guess. Lol
Anyway, I’ve always had certain stress-relieving behavior that I engaged in, like tapping my fingers in a complicated pattern one way, and then doing the inverse the other way, and doing the same thing with my tongue on my teeth. Then, recently, I suffered cancer-related brain damage, and my previously amazing working memory has been severely affected. I can’t do any of these calming things anymore, which has led to a lot of anxiety.
Anyway, all of this had led me to examine all these things I do, the social issues I have (and the anxiety stemming from “passing” as NT all these years). I’ve been smiling and nodding at people for years, copying and pasting appropriate responses on social media (I’ve never admitted this before lol), avoiding small talk... I’ve left social gatherings questioning whether I talked too much about a subject no one else cared about- sometimes I purposely won’t talk at all because I feel like once I start talking it just happens. (Like now?)
Anyway, it’s good to find this forum. There’s so much about my childhood that I’m thinking back on that makes sense now. Looking forward to learning more.
CS
Anyway, I’ve always had certain stress-relieving behavior that I engaged in, like tapping my fingers in a complicated pattern one way, and then doing the inverse the other way, and doing the same thing with my tongue on my teeth. Then, recently, I suffered cancer-related brain damage, and my previously amazing working memory has been severely affected. I can’t do any of these calming things anymore, which has led to a lot of anxiety.
Anyway, all of this had led me to examine all these things I do, the social issues I have (and the anxiety stemming from “passing” as NT all these years). I’ve been smiling and nodding at people for years, copying and pasting appropriate responses on social media (I’ve never admitted this before lol), avoiding small talk... I’ve left social gatherings questioning whether I talked too much about a subject no one else cared about- sometimes I purposely won’t talk at all because I feel like once I start talking it just happens. (Like now?)
Anyway, it’s good to find this forum. There’s so much about my childhood that I’m thinking back on that makes sense now. Looking forward to learning more.
CS
