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Selective mutism

Ame568

Ame568

Well-Known Member
Sorry it's been a while since I last posted anything but I got a question and I hope I'm in the right area. I heard that many people on the autism spectrum have selective mutism but research told me that that not actually true, that selective mutism has nothing to do with autism and it's all part of anxiety and that people with autism actually don't have selective mutism so now I'm all confused. Can someone clarify for me please?
 
I've provided childcare for three autistic children in the past, and all of them were late talkers, and even after they learned, they had frequent periods where they could not talk.

In autism, the wires in the brain for communication are sort of "crossed", as if something didn't get plugged in.

I even go selectively mute every now and again, and it usually doesn't have to do with anxiety. It's more like, um... when I socialize too much, and I need to pull back inside of myself.
 
Anybody who says autism had nothing to do with a neurological behaviour, really does not have a clue about what they are talking about. I have selective mutism and point blank it has everything to do with my autism and sensory overload, meltdown, or shutdown. Sometimes it is an avoidance tool I use if I don't want to or cannot interact.

Anxiety maybe a contributing factor for some, but the operating system is autistic in nature and will be a controlling feature of the behaviour. We just don't know enough about it.
 
As @Yeshuasdaughter suggested, it is more of a "stress response". You know how some people when they are driving in a busy traffic area in a place they are not sure of while looking for directions,...sort of lost,...sort of not,...and then you turn the stereo volume down in the car to gain a bit more focus? It's sort of like that for me,...the more social or work stress I am under,...the lower the volume of my voice gets,...and when I am at the breaking point,...pretty much non verbal,...keep pushing me further,...complete shutdown. Give me some time to relax and recompose myself,...I can talk again.
 
Neonatal RRT said:
As @Yeshuasdaughter suggested, it is more of a "stress response". You know how some people when they are driving in a busy traffic area in a place they are not sure of while looking for directions,...sort of lost,...sort of not,...and then you turn the stereo volume down in the car to gain a bit more focus? It's sort of like that for me,...the more social or work stress I am under,...the lower the volume of my voice gets,...and when I am at the breaking point,...pretty much non verbal,...keep pushing me further,...complete shutdown. Give me some time to relax and recompose myself,...I can talk again.
Click to expand...

Great explanation here. I also repeat myself. When l am up against a lot of stress, that l have zero control over.
I say the exact same sentence. I have noticed it in my posts here also. It's like l am caught in a confounded programmer loop, or a faulty schematic.

Mutism
Repeatism ;)
 
I’m not fully verbal but I didn’t realize what that meant until I joined here.
I didn’t realize there were many others that express themselves better through writing than speech and will only speak in certain situations.

I don’t really speak on the phone, at all. Very rarely and only with a select few trusted individuals (mostly my mom.)

I do speak, when I’m comfortable with someone I know (then I might be TOO talkative) and when I have to. But my verbal communication is not good. As in, not articulate and doesn’t always make sense or get my point across. I don’t think and speak at the same processing speed.

I often get really frustrated when people don’t understand what I’m saying or what I mean, and keep asking more and more specific and direct questions like I said something that was just completely nonsensical. I’m often misunderstood when I speak and it’s frequently used against me.

I guess it’s selective mutism, but I always viewed it as “I’m just not a good verbal communicator.”

When I write, it almost always makes sense and usually makes a logical point (although I am prone to rambling sometimes lol) and is easily understood. It can sometimes be articulate, mature, or verbose. But my verbal communication style is not that mature or intelligent sounding :confused:

TL;DR I don’t like talking
 
Ame568 said:
...but research told me that that not actually true, that selective mutism has nothing to do with autism and it's all part of anxiety and that people with autism actually don't have selective mutism so now I'm all confused. Can someone clarify for me please?
Click to expand...

It may be helpful to give links to where you read that. It may be someone(s) opinion and not supported by studies.
 
I'm diagnosed with ASD, Alexithymia, and Selective Mutism (and a slew of other conditions ...) There's an element of anxiety involved in mutism whether that be sensory or social but most of the time I just don't want anyone to know what I'm thinking or feeling. My emotions are so intense and so private I don't know how to put them in words and how to deliver those words with the right tone, expression, or mannerisms.

Even if I knew how to translate my thoughts and emotions into speech, I wouldn't want to. It makes me feel very vulnerable when I share my inner world with other people. It's as bad as making eye contact. Actually, it's worse. Depending on the situation I'm afraid of crying, looking angry, sounding sarcastic, or masking with my words. I'm afraid my words will be taken the wrong way or I'll hurt someone's feelings.

Timing is another issue because I have ADHD. My mind goes so fast I'm onto a new thought before I'm finished the one I'm saying. I have an auditory processing delay so reciprocal conversations are excruciating. It takes me quite a while to process what the person said and what I want to say in response, but if I hesitate they either tell me to hurry up or they decide I'm rude for not responding at their speed.

The sensory reluctance is because I mumble and I tend to face away from people when I speak. I don't even look in their direction because of sensory overwhelm / eye contact issues. That means people are always telling me to "speak up" or repeat myself, and I get flustered. Then I speak up but they say it was too loud or that I interrupted them. It becomes physically tiresome to move my mouth and make expressions like smiles or gesticulations.

I guess the last reason is that I have an unusual accent, and some difficulties with pronunciation or articulation. I went to Speech Therapy as a child and felt like no one ever understood what I said. Kids made fun of me having to repeat tongue-twisters and other nonsensical rhymes.

Most of this sounds like anxiety ^ but I believe it's part of my ASD. My autism makes me very solitary and I build walls around my emotions / my inner self. I don't want anyone entering that fortress without my permission. In written language I decide what to say and when. I can edit my words or even save them for future reflection, instead of ruminating and wondering whether I said something wrong in a verbal dialogue which can never be retrieved.
 
Apparently I didn't ever speak to my kindergarten teacher. I don't actually recall not speaking to her or having anything against her but my mother told me years later that Mrs Cruz wanted to keep me in kindergarten for another year. Fortunately that didn't happen.
 
crewlucaa_ said:
I’m not fully verbal but I didn’t realize what that meant until I joined here.
I didn’t realize there were many others that express themselves better through writing than speech and will only speak in certain situations.

I don’t really speak on the phone, at all. Very rarely and only with a select few trusted individuals (mostly my mom.)

I do speak, when I’m comfortable with someone I know (then I might be TOO talkative) and when I have to. But my verbal communication is not good. As in, not articulate and doesn’t always make sense or get my point across. I don’t think and speak at the same processing speed.

I often get really frustrated when people don’t understand what I’m saying or what I mean, and keep asking more and more specific and direct questions like I said something that was just completely nonsensical. I’m often misunderstood when I speak and it’s frequently used against me.

I guess it’s selective mutism, but I always viewed it as “I’m just not a good verbal communicator.”

When I write, it almost always makes sense and usually makes a logical point (although I am prone to rambling sometimes lol) and is easily understood. It can sometimes be articulate, mature, or verbose. But my verbal communication style is not that mature or intelligent sounding :confused:

TL;DR I don’t like talking
Click to expand...

I don't really like to talk either.
 
Ame568 said:
I got some of the info from wikipedia (Selective mutism - Wikipedia ) and the other 3 websites I oddly can't find anymore.
Click to expand...

Hi, thanks for reference. It is as I guessed. It doesn't say selective mutism is not due or part of autism. It says it can be, but that it is not exclusive to autism and can occur in non-autistic people. It also says if it is part of autism the diagnosis won't be selective mutism, it will be autism (with a selective mutism component).
 
I wouldn't call it mutism. But I shut up sometimes and just listen. Observe the room. The activity...until I get acclimatized.
 
I was a pretty late speaker myself, but now i am a pretty heavy talker. I even some talk in meltdowns. But talking in a social expected way (Saying hello, making eye contact etc) is really hard. The more i mask the less i talk
 
Before answering, I tried to inform myself quite a bit and my conclusions are that selective mutism may not be exclusive of ASD, but more linked to a social anxiety disorder. However, as this one is present in a percentage of autistic people too, these people are likely to suffer selective mutism too. Still, if I'm mistaken, I'd gladly accept a correction as I was also confused at first.

Said this, speaking of my own experience (remarking I'm not officially diagnosed), since kid, teachers were so glad with me as I perfectly behaved in class, never speaking or interrupting lessons. After in home, I couldn't stop talking to my mother, though. However, that behaviour of "shyness" (as they classified) was spending 5 hours everyday suffering very high levels of anxiety that made me go completely mute by fear.

When I grew up, I had to talk whatever it costed me as the situation changed and I wasn't a kid anymore, what increased my anxiety and how rude I spoke in home to my family due to an excessive use of my ability to talk. It drained completely my energy and mental health.

Nowadays, since I learned about ASD and want to get my diagnosis as soon as possible, I also learned about selective mutism and tried to listen to my own needs, regulating the time I talk. The improvement I felt was really noticeable. In class, I only talk when it doesn't drain me and if I have to overdo it, after in my home I stop speaking for a few hours until I feel my energy back and my throat doesn't feel as completely unable to articulate word.

I can't really say from where it comes, I just know that a shutdown provoked by an overload is what triggers it in me.
 
Ame568 said:
Sorry it's been a while since I last posted anything but I got a question and I hope I'm in the right area. I heard that many people on the autism spectrum have selective mutism but research told me that that not actually true, that selective mutism has nothing to do with autism and it's all part of anxiety and that people with autism actually don't have selective mutism so now I'm all confused. Can someone clarify for me please?
Click to expand...

I cannot answer your questions but I have selective mutism. I often feel lonely that I do not talk to other autistic people who have it.

I wear and ID card on a lanyard explaining I have selective mutism, I also wear a silicone bracelet and I have the information on my phone. I do not know if you are saying you have it, if you do, you do not need a description of what it is like.
 
Tom said:
Hi, thanks for reference. It is as I guessed. It doesn't say selective mutism is not due or part of autism. It says it can be, but that it is not exclusive to autism and can occur in non-autistic people. It also says if it is part of autism the diagnosis won't be selective mutism, it will be autism (with a selective mutism component).
Click to expand...
Ok, so I misunderstood the wikipedia one. Sorry. The others did say that you can't be autistic and have selected mutism but I can not for the life of me find them again. I even went to my history and it says 404 Error.
 
Ame568 said:
Sorry it's been a while since I last posted anything but I got a question and I hope I'm in the right area. I heard that many people on the autism spectrum have selective mutism but research told me that that not actually true, that selective mutism has nothing to do with autism and it's all part of anxiety and that people with autism actually don't have selective mutism so now I'm all confused. Can someone clarify for me please?
Click to expand...

Yesterday I had a problem because of my mutism. A package arrived I was supposed to refuse so the company could have the item back as they had sent two instead of one. I did not know when the postal carrier would arrive. There was loud fast knocking and ringing of the bell at my door and it startled me so I rushed to answer it but then I could not speak, everything was happening too fast. I use an iPad to type on to talk to people but I did not have it in my hands. I was stuck, watching the postal carrier walk away when I wanted to tell him I do not want the package. It is difficult.
 
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