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Seeing people you used to know coupled up as well as having children

Markness

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
Before I left work today, I saw someone I used to attend the same school with come into the library. The last time I saw her was at a dance class (Something I was recommended to potentially meet women through but the endeavor was unproductive.) many years ago now with someone else who also went to the same school we did. I think they were learning to dance for their then upcoming marriage. When I saw her today, she had a little girl who was her daughter. I wish I could’ve mentioned that I had gotten married, too, and possibly had a child or two myself but I couldn’t.
 
Well, on the plus-side, it probably doesn't really matter to her, technically. These are the types of things we do for ourselves, thankfully, so it's not really a race or a competition.

A lot of people make things in life out to be some kind of reason to brag, but sometimes it's important to realize that with everything we add to our life, we also add the work required to maintain what we want. So technically, she probably has a lot more upkeep as well and things inevitably balance out in the end.

My wife is pretty much my best friend in the whole entire world, for example, but if I had to go through all of the dating and upkeep with a new relationship I'd politely decline. It's such a huge undertaking, especially in the first 5+ years that it's almost not even worth it.
 
Things will come when they need to come my friend

Be patient, love yourself and the universe will show you your path

Rather you be single and childleas than walk my path

I have children, I WAS married (out of the desperation of not being alone)

Now?

Well now I've been badly hurt by a bad woman who is using my children as a weapon against me

You don't know how much it hurts, you don't know how much work I have done to overcome this pain

Do you want this?

Don't think so

Better be patient and love yourself and find the RIGHT PERSON than be in a situation like mine just cause you get in a relationship out of desperation and loneliness

Think of it dude

I'm not giving up on you!

Stay strong, love yourself and you'll find love

Who is for you will find you but first you need to love yourself
 
Markness said:
Before I left work today, I saw someone I used to attend the same school with come into the library. The last time I saw her was at a dance class (Something I was recommended to potentially meet women through but the endeavor was unproductive.) many years ago now with someone else who also went to the same school we did. I think they were learning to dance for their then upcoming marriage. When I saw her today, she had a little girl who was her daughter. I wish I could’ve mentioned that I had gotten married, too, and possibly had a child or two myself but I couldn’t.
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It is ok if you do not decide to do that and if you never end up doing it is ok to grieve it if was something you wanted.
It is hard seeing people with kids when you cannot do it. It is such a blessing and people cannot imagine how sad it is to give up.
People with kids often seem really happy and fulfilled yet some people complain so much despite that beautiful blessing. I guess for some people life pressures build up.
Some people are not fit to be parents and yet are in terms of they do not even like kids or enjoy being a parent and are self centered. Some people love kids and never get to a parent.
Some people adopt and turn out as great parents, some people devote their lives to being foster parents, some people abuse the system and are horrible foster parents, some may not understand the pressures of fostering a child and people in charge should really make sure they are fit to foster kids.
Some single parents are the best parents ever and change their kids lives by being utterly devoted. Some drug addicted parents still love their kids a lit despite being very sick and unavailable at times.
Just my perceptive and what I have learnt by what I have seen.
But if you would have liked a kid it is ok to grieve it and have wishful thinking.
I do not know you age or why you cannot but I hope you find happiness anyway.
You should see if there is another way to interact with kids like maybe you could volunteer someone with kids once a month if you miss them in your life.
They do bring so much joy.
 
lovely_darlingprettybaby said:
I do not know you age or why you cannot but I hope you find happiness anyway.
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I am 35 years old. It’s not so much not having children that makes me sad but that I am still single at my age and I haven’t been able to find love despite my best efforts. I want a loving partner more than I want children in my life.
 
I agree Mark. I feel even more lonely when I see my so called friends wife's keep getting pregnant and having babies. Two already had kids this year and another is expecting their second child next year and it sucks that its fall. The year is already up and I still don't have a girlfriend. Many women don't even give me the time of day. I went to my monthly park event but this time no one talked to me and when I tried to approach women with their dogs two times they exchange about two words then went into their cliques groups with new friends. I was by myself for about a hour. When I texted my so called friends to talk, crickets. Then one married women texted in the group texted about something and people were replying to her texts in droves. Pathetic.
 
You continue to measure yourself against others, denying your own agency. Is this what you call your "best efforts"?
 
There's nothing necessarily happiness-inducing about the standard life goals that everyone pursues so blindly. Plenty of people are miserable and full of despair despite being married, having children, and living in a big house with a nice car parked outside. I think it depends on the self-love one brings to these circumstances.
 
chincey_james said:
There's nothing necessarily happiness-inducing about the standard life goals that everyone pursues so blindly. Plenty of people are miserable and full of despair despite being married, having children, and living in a big house with a nice car parked outside. I think it depends on the self-love one brings to these circumstances.
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I concur. Happiness doesn't come from checking off items on a "typical life" checklist... there will always be others that have something that you don't have and desire. Always. You can have all the things and never be truly happy or content. Seeking happiness in the external is fruitless until you are truly happy and content with yourself and who you are as a person. One of my favorite sayings is: if you aren't complete without it, you'll never be complete with it.
 
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chincey_james said:
There's nothing necessarily happiness-inducing about the standard life goals that everyone pursues so blindly. Plenty of people are miserable and full of despair despite being married, having children, and living in a big house with a nice car parked outside. I think it depends on the self-love one brings to these circumstances.
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And plenty of people are not. What's your point?
 
I've sometimes thought about all those I met in earlier points of my life, wondering how their lives evolved with time. No doubt with marriage, children and divorce in that order. With some probably prospering quite well and others not so much.

However in a spiritual sense I feel we are destined to follow our own paths, regardless of how any other soul prospers or fails as a mortal in this secondary plane of existence.

How those "Smiths or Jones" may be doing is ultimately of no consequence to you in the big picture.
 
A lot of people I know never had children, although a lot do. Personally I fail to understand how women go through pregnancy with all that pain, extreme hormone fluctuations and then the child birth at the end. I can't even cope with having a period, as that's painful and uncomfortable and messy enough. Childbirth for me would on the same pain level as the torture devices used in the medieval times. I'm such a wimp.

So whenever I get into a conversation about children, I tell them about my pets, which I do look upon as my children. People like animals, so when they melt when they see my photos they totally accept that I don't have human children. The people who are scared of my pets just think I'm brave for having them, which I think is a compliment, considering I am usually a wimp.
 
You really need to learn how to self-sooth and find things in your life that make you happy that do not necessarily involve external validation. People who are happy have a much better chance of meeting other people that they may have things in common with.

You have made sadness and "poor me" your entire personality. I don't know why you can't see the obvious fact that it's not working for you and will continue to not work.

As I said, you really should find an autism support group and then actually attend without the goal of finding a girlfriend.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
And plenty of people are not. What's your point?
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I wanted to convey that it's human nature to always want what one doesn't have and to assume that having that thing would lead to more happiness. If there's a deficit of self-love and internal contentment, I haven't seen a person like that become significantly happier by meeting culturally successful milestones like marriage, children, and houses.
 
Misty Avich said:
A lot of people I know never had children, although a lot do. Personally I fail to understand how women go through pregnancy with all that pain, extreme hormone fluctuations and then the child birth at the end. I can't even cope with having a period, as that's painful and uncomfortable and messy enough. Childbirth for me would on the same pain level as the torture devices used in the medieval times. I'm such a wimp.
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You're not a wimp. To the contrary you're simply a woman who knows their limitations over a very important issue. Making a pragmatic decision that may not be socially popular, but may be the best decision for yourself as an individual.

Case and point, one of my former NT girlfriends. She was divorced, had two children in the custody of her ex husband, unabashedly admitting she was never cut out for motherhood. Not to mention all the changes a woman can go through during pregnancy, and those changes that may stay with them after pregnancy. Going through two rounds of post-partum depression that made her life hell.

Things about her that kind of disturbed me, as I always thought I did reasonably well with kids...at least the ones between five and ten. Though I never thought it was my place to question her about such things. She was also bisexual, as well as hypersexual. However those considerations I don't think involved anything regarding motherhood or marriage. And right now she's on husband #3.
 
I think a lot of people have children because they think they are supposed to, so they do it to be part of the crowd and to achieve some sort of social acceptance. Because, unfortunately, those who choose to do things against the grain are going to eyed with some suspicion, however, many people would also go against the grain but don't because either they aren't brave enough or they feel they would lack in social supports if they went their own way.

The truth is a person is not having a baby - their job is to raise a fully functional adult human. To do this, you need to be fully functional yourself, because having kids isn't cheap or easy and you'll need to be able to provide emotional and financial support to this new human being.
 
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I saw someone at church a few years ago. In high school, she was good-looking, popular, and had parents who loved her. Of course, I wanted to date her, but she turned me down . . . cruelly.

Last time I saw her, she had become a street person in the same town where we both grew up. She was ragged-looking, despised, and her parents had disowned her long ago (something to do with marrying a drug dealer).

She recognized me, sneered, and went back out to the street.

I like to think that I had "dodged a bullet" with that one -- she dissed me for being weird, dull, and boring (among other things) and thought a druggie would give her a better life.
 
I tend to think those who don’t reply to me anymore don’t want me to have a girlfriend and hope I will go away.
 
Markness said:
I tend to think those who don’t reply to me anymore don’t want me to have a girlfriend and hope I will go away.
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How does not replying to you relate to not wanting you to have a girlfriend? Besides, whether or not anyone wants you to have a girlfriend does not increase or decrease your chances of getting one.
 
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