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PTSD+Autism, Tips on getting friends

Tiger

Tiger

New Member
So I'm in a possition where I have little to no network after an abuse. All the people I got to know as friends 3 years ago is friends with the abuser, and the man is a very charismatic, samaritan in the community around here and knows many people. We had been friends for about a year when he suddenly did a move that I still try to recover from in therapy.

So I have support for the abuse to some extent, but I have not found anyone who works with autism as well which was a challange for me with friends before. So even if I heal the trauma there is an autsitic part underneath, and since these "friends" was my first friendgroup and got ripped away now when I got away from this man I can't help but wonder if it was really real friends or just... I don't know.

So with trauma of betrayal in the backpack and the usual social struggles of who, when, where and how.... how can one get friends? I wish I had people around me to lean on and have good days with while getting through this. Currently I have not really met anyone (outside of very surface level ADHD meetups 1/ month ) in a long time and it is starting to feel quite bad tbh. Sort of feeling like Will from Stranger things right now.

I also feel a little bit like a fraud when I try to show my happy self with new people becauce I am still working through things.

My wish would be to meet people I can watch movies with, puzzle, cuddle, just excist with and be my colourful self with. But I end up just talking and listening to people tops, and it sort of just makes me feel more alone since I don't know why it is not leading anywhere. I have a hard time to know how to find people that would like to do the same things.

Other peoples experiences are appreciated. I need some cheering up and hope becauce I have so much I want to give and share.
Sincerely Tiger
 
I wish I had advice for you, @Tiger. But all I can do atm is let you know that you are not alone in what you have experienced; I can relate to what you are going through. I have had similar experiences where loved and important people in my life chose sides and sided with a person who abused me, just shut me out forever and now act like I don't exist and never did. It really hurts and has left me very very alone.

I think if you keep finding ways to just be around others you might relate to and talk with them, someday you will "click" with someone again and find a new friend - hopefully as many new friends as you would like or need. It can be frustrating and disheartening when this this takes a long time, but worth it to keep trying once eventually you connect with another person enough that you both want a life-sharing, more intimate kind of friendship than being acquainted via a shared context for brief times only.

I hope you find new at least one new and trustworthy friend soon. You seem like a person that would be a wonderful friend.
 
This kinda struggle is hard. Being forced to let go of what you've known. It makes you feel like you've lost a piece of yourself. But part of healing from this trama, is like healing from any trama. We have to learn to let go of staring in the rearview mirror. It's definitely easier said than done, but we must take what we have learned and utilize it to seek similar friendships.

It'll take time in all regards. And alot if that isn't your fault. There is alot of manufactured disconnect in the world, making things even more isolating. But we all have opportunities to try, regardless of the obstacles that make it difficult. Whether it's personal or societal.

Truthfully. I really have no good advice to achieve this without much suffering. There really isn't anything that is that easy, unfortunately.
 
Idea: try to find an activity/interest-based group to join. (Or start one, if you are up to such a task.) It's one more place to meet people who may share things in common with you, and potentially meet new friends.
 
Hey @Tiger my recent distressing experience has taught me to go slower and be much kinder to myself while I find the right people to connect with and places to be. Whenever I get ahead of myself I land with a bump. So I'm trying to notice more things I'm grateful for that are here and now. People, places and things that are good already. They most likely show where I can best put my attention and energy. That's all I know right now. That and I'm sure it will take a while. Maybe that's more of a reason to focus on what's good right now. I trust the rest will follow.
You're doing great by reaching out. Here's to persisting and valuing the good in ourselves and around us.
 
Little known tip: you have to find people while they're in the type of life transition where they're looking for friends.
People change their patterns at turning points, not when everything is pretty stagnant.
 
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