It's been noted by a number of people already that punishment is not the way to solve this problem. We're autistic adults who have been where your son is now @ocmf1702 and we've lived with the consequences. The refusal of my own parents and their insistence on trying to change me into something I couldn't be drove an immovable wedge between us. I don't want the same to happen between you and your son.
PDA is a very real phenomenon, but it can be avoided. The best, most successful parents of autistic kids, those who have loving relationships with them as adults understand that punishment causes confusion and resentment that leads to PDA, whereas friendship, respect and helping them grow up by respecting their boundaries, allowing them to be who they are, rather than what you want them to be, gives them and you the best chance of a happy future.
Stop searching for a punishment that works. It'll be a fruitless search and will only damage your child and your relationship with him if you do. Instead learn to get inside his head and learn FROM HIM. What triggers the behaviour you don't like, what makes him sensitive - work out what it is that you are doing to make him shut down? Only by amending your own approach and treating him as an equal rather than a discipline problem, will you stand a chance of success.
Please don't think me harsh. I truly want you and your son to be happy together, and the idea of any autistic child being separated from their parents is a chilling thought. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but you have to take responsibility for this problem rather than blaming his autism.
What you are calling "challenging behaviour" is his reaction to stresses. You've observed that when you punish the "challenges" become more distressing to you. Imagine how he must be feeling at those times? That's why he won't cooperate. He's confused, stressed and scared. Only by eliminating that do you and he stand a chance.
This is true to some degree in all children, but autistic people like those who have answered you can attest that we feel things more intensely than allistic people. Stress builds up quickly and we can melt or shut down. The world can be brighter, noisier, smellier and more all round offensive to us than most would believe. We often have a profound sense of right and wrong, of justice and fairness from a very young age. My father used to say things like "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" whilst raising his hand to me. That would make me cry more, so I would get beaten. That would put me into catatonia for days. I can never forgive him that. Why couldn't he just have asked why I was distressed, shown me some compassion and helped me solve it?
There's an old adage...
"Spare the rod, spoil the child"
It's nonsense.
"Wield the rod, lose the child" - is the truth.
I hope you come to understand and start to improve your relationship with your son, which will in turn make both his, and your life immeasurably happier
PDA is a very real phenomenon, but it can be avoided. The best, most successful parents of autistic kids, those who have loving relationships with them as adults understand that punishment causes confusion and resentment that leads to PDA, whereas friendship, respect and helping them grow up by respecting their boundaries, allowing them to be who they are, rather than what you want them to be, gives them and you the best chance of a happy future.
Stop searching for a punishment that works. It'll be a fruitless search and will only damage your child and your relationship with him if you do. Instead learn to get inside his head and learn FROM HIM. What triggers the behaviour you don't like, what makes him sensitive - work out what it is that you are doing to make him shut down? Only by amending your own approach and treating him as an equal rather than a discipline problem, will you stand a chance of success.
Please don't think me harsh. I truly want you and your son to be happy together, and the idea of any autistic child being separated from their parents is a chilling thought. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but you have to take responsibility for this problem rather than blaming his autism.
What you are calling "challenging behaviour" is his reaction to stresses. You've observed that when you punish the "challenges" become more distressing to you. Imagine how he must be feeling at those times? That's why he won't cooperate. He's confused, stressed and scared. Only by eliminating that do you and he stand a chance.
This is true to some degree in all children, but autistic people like those who have answered you can attest that we feel things more intensely than allistic people. Stress builds up quickly and we can melt or shut down. The world can be brighter, noisier, smellier and more all round offensive to us than most would believe. We often have a profound sense of right and wrong, of justice and fairness from a very young age. My father used to say things like "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" whilst raising his hand to me. That would make me cry more, so I would get beaten. That would put me into catatonia for days. I can never forgive him that. Why couldn't he just have asked why I was distressed, shown me some compassion and helped me solve it?
There's an old adage...
"Spare the rod, spoil the child"
It's nonsense.
"Wield the rod, lose the child" - is the truth.
I hope you come to understand and start to improve your relationship with your son, which will in turn make both his, and your life immeasurably happier
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