People with autism having children

[Rayner]

I'm the same way. Perhaps someday I could be a father, but for now I will spoil lily.

I personally think I'm better off being an aunt to my nephews and spoiling them. Right now I just can't imagine myself having kids, but that might be because I'm young and all that.

 

[rickxxxblaine]

I have mixed feelings about that. I've been a step father for 3 years. The child was a Nt girl, 8 to 11 years old and it was like Hell on earth to me.
As a Nt she had little to no interest on anything except reality shows and gossip. She told me about about that guy who supposedly told that thing to that other girl that came to her and told her something else and she knew it wasn't the truth so she told another guy, blah blah. Boring. I can't stand that kind of thing, always makes me feel these people have too much spare time and don't do anything useful with it...
As she liked gossip she lied all the time, tried to manipulate me in any possible way, etc.
When she wanted something she was so nice to me, but when I gave her what she wanted, then she started treating me like sh#t.
To be true I'd prefer having Asperger's children. Won't be easy but at least I won't have to handle this.

 

[WereBear]

I have mixed feelings about that. I've been a step father for 3 years. The child was a Nt girl, 8 to 11 years old and it was like Hell on earth to me.

This is mostly the reason I didn't have my own children (though I was a good step-parent.) I knew it was a lifelong commitment, but what if I didn't like them? Yes, it would be my own child, but they are also their own person.

I already had plenty of relatives I didn't like much; it would be horrible if one of them was my child.

 

[clg114]

I have mixed feelings about that. I've been a step father for 3 years. The child was a Nt girl, 8 to 11 years old and it was like Hell on earth to me.
As a Nt she had little to no interest on anything except reality shows and gossip. She told me about about that guy who supposedly told that thing to that other girl that came to her and told her something else and she knew it wasn't the truth so she told another guy, blah blah. Boring. I can't stand that kind of thing, always makes me feel these people have too much spare time and don't do anything useful with it...
As she liked gossip she lied all the time, tried to manipulate me in any possible way, etc.
When she wanted something she was so nice to me, but when I gave her what she wanted, then she started treating me like sh#t.
To be true I'd prefer having Asperger's children. Won't be easy but at least I won't have to handle this.

I have five kids. I was there when every one of them was born. After the nurses got them cleaned up, they handed them to me and I took them to their mother. I was involved in raising them from babies to adulthood. Out of the five, only one of them is a Aspie. I love and raised them all just the same. I have never had stepchildren, so I do not know what it is like. But I can certainly see how it could be more difficult.

 

[rickxxxblaine]

I lost what I was willing to tell... Sorry This expérience got me scared of children. I don't know if I'll be able to listen to what they want to tell me, especially their relationships with others, or if I won't be hurt if they don't show interest in activities I want to do with them.
This just happened to me and it was painful to live with a child that seems to think you just suck and everything you want to do with them sucks too.
Ok it's a step daughter, she didn't like me by nature, even if we had good moments sometimes.
But it's a real issue. I wanted so bad to teach her one or two tips in life, to share, but she chose to think there was nothing to take.
She punished herself, some could say. But in the end I'm the only one to feel sorry.
I lost myself again... Having children is scary, but maybe Nts are as scared as us, I don't know

 

[WereBear]

Having children is scary, but maybe Nts are as scared as us, I don't know

They absolutely are. And I am sure some of them feel as helpless about their ASD children as you did about that NT child.

My own mother felt her job was to mold me into the proper young lady, and I would not conform. I could not, but neither of us knew it then.

 

[WereBear]

As to the point of the thread: I am absolutely shocked that anyone would say that of any person. Once upon a time Down's Syndrome children were regarded in such a cruel manner, and now, thanks to actually being exposed to such children through media, acting roles, and the cloak of silence being lifted, they are now appreciated as the cheerful and friendly people they truly are.

Perhaps we need such championing -- it is our curse that we are not social enough to push the envelope in that particular way

I understand the main character in the TV show Bones was an Aspie, though not admitted as such because of the stigma. And now I understand she has been softened into just another NT person, despite her amazing academic abilities and her social difficulties... they didn't keep them.

While I don't watch the show, I mourn a missed opportunity.

 

[midlife aspie]

Have you ever watched Rizzoli and Isles? Dr. Isles is definitely an Aspie in my opinion! Can't lie, has encyclopedic knowledge, no emotional impediments, straightforward as all get out, and female to boot.

 

[WereBear]

Have you ever watched Rizzoli and Isles? Dr. Isles is definitely an Aspie in my opinion! Can't lie, has encyclopedic knowledge, no emotional impediments, straightforward as all get out, and female to boot.

No, but it sounds interesting!

I mean, everyone loved Mr. Spock, didn't they?

 

[midlife aspie]

Spock was quite a character, and Leonard Nimoy remains unrivaled as a Vulcan in my opinion. I was often accused by my brothers as being 'Spock like' when we were young. I guess there really was something to it.

 

[Tilancia]

Mother of 5 here, diagnosed after they were all born.

I wish I would have known where my meltdowns and huge tiredness came from...it made things harsh for all of us, because I pushed myself well beyond my forces.

So my main advice would be : learn to know how your autism impacts you.

How do you react to crying babies, to sleeplessness, to "not-enough-alone-time", to the questioning of your parenting style by others...(and experiment through baby-sitting)...
How do you feel with babies/toddlers/children/teenagers ?
Which kind of family would you like ?

The answers may change depending on your age, life situation, health, etc. : )

My children are very fond of me as a mother, because (they say) :
- I love them as they are, and let them make life experiment
- I never lie
- I am weird
- I love children things (drawing, animes watching, etc.)
- I always explain all things clearly and if I dont know I say so and we look together for the answers.
- I dont play mind/power games : I am the parent, I am the responsible one, and after they have given their insight, it is my call to decide for the better.
- I have a lot of routines/rituals
- I anticipate all situations
- I am reliable
- I ask for forgiveness when wrong

All very "aspie-traits" behaviors from my point of view.

I find more difficult to parent my NT children than my neurodiverse ones : I always wonder if I understand them, if I really can help them in this world. I had to learn to "speak NT" with 4, who is entirely NT (1 & 2 seem to me "bi-cultural" NT/ASD, 3 is Sensory Processing Disorder, 5 is ASD).

...AND the last but certainly not the least : choose carefully your partner. Will he/she understand autistic needs and children needs ? Which kind of family or friendly support will you both have ?

Enjoy this time of thinking, dreaming, planifying your future : it is so joyful and empowering !

 

[rickxxxblaine]

Just make an 'awful' discovery. Had my parents in Paris for the week end. My father's an Aspie, no doubt about that. Once far from his 'natural' environment, he showed many of the symptoms, creating even awkward situations, like when he was more interested in the electrical vehicles that transported tourists than in the architecture. Or when he saw screws coming out of a wall from the museum.
I never noticed despite all the time I had with him when I was younger.
It's good news anyway. My brothers and I have achieved good things in life, so people showing autistic traits can be good parents. That's what I think about my father.
Now another question is burning my brain: is my autism 'natural' or 'acquired' due to have been raised by a parent that showed these traits ? None of my two brothers seem to share that particular sign.

 

[clg114]

Just make an 'awful' discovery. Had my parents in Paris for the week end. My father's an Aspie, no doubt about that. Once far from his 'natural' environment, he showed many of the symptoms, creating even awkward situations, like when he was more interested in the electrical vehicles that transported tourists than in the architecture. Or when he saw screws coming out of a wall from the museum.
I never noticed despite all the time I had with him when I was younger.
It's good news anyway. My brothers and I have achieved good things in life, so people showing autistic traits can be good parents. That's what I think about my father.
Now another question is burning my brain: is my autism 'natural' or 'acquired' due to have been raised by a parent that showed these traits ? None of my two brothers seem to share that particular sign.

You were born that way. Autism can run in families and it is more common in males. You can not acquire it from how you were raised. My wife and I have raised five children, the youngest male being the only Aspie.

 

[Rayner]

I don't know if it makes the AS itself worse or growing up there is no special attention given for the AS in the way of helping the kid develop

I agree, but do you think that poor parenting (i.e. abusive, dysfunctional, etc.) can exacerbate the characteristics of AS? That is to say, make one appear worse than they actually are?

 

[WereBear]

I agree, but do you think that poor parenting (i.e. abusive, dysfunctional, etc.) can exacerbate the characteristics of AS? That is to say, make one appear worse than they actually are?

I absolutely agree. Stress is too plentiful among most AS as they try to master coping skills even with support. To add stress, and then, handle the AS needs in an abusive way... recipe for disaster.

 

[Rayner]

When I was in elementary school in the early 2000's students on the spectrum were still referred to (by the word I despise) as retarded. I'm not saying it was like that everywhere, but considering the age gap between us sportster. I don't really think there has been much improvement in helping children with AS.

It would make for an interesting study, especially for Aspies over forty; there are a number of us here. I use forty as a benchmark age, as it seems those younger than forty didn't experience the same challenges as those older. Also, if I'm not mistaken, but I think AS didn't become known in the USA until around 1996; they didn't know what to call it before then or how to deal properly with people on the spectrum.

Still, in my case, it makes me wonder if it would have made any difference had they known considering how fouled up my home was when I was a child.

 

[Rayner]

That's really neat that the university you work at has developed a special school for autistic children. Maybe sometime, somehow You could get involved in that, I sure you could do all a lot of good in a program like that.

Sheesh, I was old when you were in grade school. Nevertheless, I know what you mean. When I was in school they had the "funny bus" that took the kids to a special school. Looking back and knowing what I know now, most were on the spectrum.

The university I work for has developed a special school for Autistic children. I really don't know much about it, but I hear it's supposed to be good. They bought an old grade school and remodeled it for that purpose.

 

[clg114]

When I was in elementary school in the early 2000's students on the spectrum were still referred to (by the word I despise) as retarded. I'm not saying it was like that everywhere, but considering the age gap between us sportster. I don't really think there has been much improvement in helping children with AS.

Actually there is good help available, but you have to make it happen. Because of the DSM-5, doctors seem to be very hesitant at first. With my granddaughter, our daughter had to make it clear that she did not want a diagnosis. She just wanted the doctor to help her with consoling. Then the help was forthcoming.

 

[Nitro]

You were born that way. Autism can run in families and it is more common in males. You can not acquire it from how you were raised. My wife and I have raised five children, the youngest male being the only Aspie.

Interesting that you posted that, My family has many suspected auties in the ranks,with my immediate family having a brother and a father that share my version of it with three siblings that didn't.