Past determining my future

[Hypnalis]

I did some post searching and couldn’t find anything addressed to me by you about those phrases.

I wouldn't have used those exact phrases. There are many different ways of saying those and similar things.

You'd be better off thinking about whether you already know the answer, and if not, if you would you listen if you got an explanation. The answer is simple, but the implications might be uncomfortable.

 

[Mary Terry]

I did some post searching and couldn’t find anything addressed to me by you about those phrases.

Did you look up those phrases on the internet to find out what they mean?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

No one has also explained to me “Let relationships happen naturally!” or “When you stop looking, it will happen!”, amongst other phrases.

Those phrases are BS pure and simple, I have done all of that and much more 6 1/2 years including praying to a false deity. In reality, in the real world, it all comes down to pure luck that me you and @thejuice don't have that we will ever meet our SO or even have a simple platonic female friend.

 

[Markness]

Did you look up those phrases on the internet to find out what they mean?

I have before but I can’t remember exactly what the results I got said. I’ll have to do it again.

 

[Markness]

Stop Looking for What You Want and It Will Find You

I found this article but I haven’t fully read it yet.

 

[Hypnalis]

So you've switched from "Why do people say things they know are only partially true?" to finding people who say similar stuff on the internet, and who have found a way to organize and monetize the lies.

Where are you actually going with this?

At first glance it looks like you're back to your earlier "deflection over discussion" strategy.

 

[honeytoast]

No one has also explained to me “Let relationships happen naturally!” or “When you stop looking, it will happen!”, amongst other phrases.

I feel like that has been said to you over the course of many threads/posts/years in different ways and phrasings. Not verbatim.

My comment was more that you are talking to someone who said to embrace an ideology that frankly, is pretty toxic and centralized to just being mean to those who have children.

 

[Markness]

I feel like that has been said to you over the course of many threads/posts/years in different ways and phrasings. Not verbatim.

My comment was more that you are talking to someone who said to embrace an ideology that frankly, is pretty toxic and centralized to just being mean to those who have children.

What makes me continue to wonder is how my efforts don't seem to pay off or at least for very long. The girl I was talking to for a few months is the most recent example for me.

 

[Judge]

I did some post searching and couldn’t find anything addressed to me by you about those phrases.

In essence, the harder you look for such relationships, the more they will likely elude you.

Which I find to be true based on the fact that if one appears "needy", they are more likely to be shunned. Not a kind aspect of humanity, but a very common one IMO.

 

[Markness]

In essence, the harder you look for such relationships, the more they will likely elude you.

Which I find to be true based on the fact that if one appears "needy", they are more likely to be shunned. Not a kind aspect of humanity, but a very common one IMO.

I’ve been bluntly called “needy” at times. I just don’t know how to control my fears about time running out and social opportunities diminishing for me. I am not getting younger after all.

 

[Judge]

I’ve been bluntly called “needy” at times. I just don’t know how to control my fears about time running out and social opportunities diminishing for me. I am not getting younger after all.

Not surprised. Somehow you need to work on that. Not to suppress it in your own heart and mind, but to do whatever it takes not to appear as such. Easier said than done, I know.

 

[Markness]

Not surprised. Somehow you need to work on that. Not to suppress it in your own heart and mind, but to do whatever it takes not to appear as such. Easier said than done, I know.

How exactly does one even “work on” certain aspects of their lives?

 

[tree]

How exactly does one even “work on” certain aspects of their lives?

Will it matter what anyone says?

Or will you deflect all suggestions, since nothing is a
perfect solution that magically changes things for you.

 

[Markness]

Will it matter what anyone says?

Or will you deflect all suggestions, since nothing is a
perfect solution that magically changes things for you.

I am willing to read the explanations/suggestions.

 

[Judge]

I am willing to read the explanations/suggestions.

It's not rocket science. And you are not alone. Plenty of answers and presentations are out there. But most of all, you have to have the will to choose to change how you interact with others.

Other links:

How to Stop Being So Needy

How to Avoid Coming Across As Needy (with Pictures) - wikiHow

10 Mistakes That Make You Look Desperate

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/self-esteem/addressing-yourself-first-how-to-not-be-needy/

14 Behaviors That Make You Come Across As Overly Needy (And How To Stop)

How To Not Come Off As Desperate | SocialSelf

7 Tips to Avoid Seeming Desperate | LoveLearnings.com

How to Stop Being Needy: Why People Get Clingy & 32 Ways to Fix It

How To Not Appear Needy While Talking To Girls (Social Media)

How To Stop Being Needy

 

[Tony Ramirez]

All useless advice from normies in relationships who did not even have to try.

 

[Judge]

All useless advice from normies in relationships who did not even have to try.

Then how do you explain the number of autistic males in this community who have had or are in long term relationships with women?

Useless? No. Appearing too needy is a total turn-off for any number of persons, whether autistic or neurotypical. Rest assured, NTs don't have a monopoly on this.

It's only "useless" to you, because you have given up. Your choice...but not necessarily for other men in this community. You have no right to take others down with you just because you gave up. Markness hasn't given up yet. Give him a chance, if not yourself. You have other issues that he doesn't.

And demonstrating such selfish negativity and bitterness is yet another way to turn people off. Just for once, why don't you try to give instead of always taking from this community. Most of us have social issues here. However it doesn't stop us from giving to others, rather than to take others down in their personal abyss.

 

[Matthias]

How exactly does one even “work on” certain aspects of their lives?

Therapy, self-help books, psychology websites, life coach/mentoring. Practice what you learn until it becomes a habit.

 

[Judge]

Practice what you learn until it becomes a habit.

That's a very important point. That there is no instant solution to such problems. That it takes much effort, and on a repeat basis before it can really sink in. To persevere no matter how many obstacles remain in your way.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Then how do you explain the number of autistic males in this community who have had or are in long term relationships with women?

Pure dumb luck.

I'm going through daily hell just as bad as the OP. I tried so hard I am losing my mind appetite sleep willing to live, but I still put myself out there and go to new places like the dumb jerk I am to prove all you wrong and still fail.