Online Dating entirely useless for most men?

[Mathalamus]

im tired, since i just woke up, so ill be brief.

1. The bulk of the messages from the guys were a pathetic "hey" or "what's up?" Does that ever work for any of them?

that is how you are supposed to start a conversation. a simple hey, hello, or something like that, is perfectly normal and acceptable. anything beyond that will only work after you introduce yourself. also, generalizing.

2. The few guys that wrote a nice good message and made an effort to show they are probably not some douchebag accounted for about 5% of the messages

you ignored everyone who started with a simple hello, ergo, this number is woefully incorrect.

3. Of those 5% of guys, I didn't see that any of them would write appreciably better or more clever than I would to a lady on a first message. They seemed in line with what all the experts agree on. And when I'm talking about expert advised messaging I don't mean anything dishonest, just advice on increasing communications skills.

expecting them to be clever, or witty, to a stranger they nust met online is a mistake. also, what do the experts know? they never went on dating sites. also, you never gave them any chance to prove that they can be quite the conversationalist.

4. Reflective of the region I live in, many of the guys who messaged appeared to be redneck douche bags, or...to put this as politically correct as I can... barely literate inner city gang banger type scum bags.

there are these type of guys and even girls everywhere. also, even they attract people, or some of them. some females would want a manly man, some females dont. simple stuff. also, this implies that you had a bad experiance, simply because you happened to live in an area filled with, in your opinion, bad people.

5. I felt that I basically have seen what goes on behind the curtains. I think that if I were a women I would grow a sense of contempt towards men in general after repeated exposure to this.

i do not believe you got the full experience. also, im inclined to throw out your entire dataset just because you had to lie, just to learn things, which will obviously make it biased and untrue.

 

[Ambi]

Well, to be fair a lot of guys can't really be 100% sometimes. Take me for example and I have never done this OR brought any of the topics up ever to women whom I've met online on dating sites, so let us get that out of the way before anyone says anything. Anyway, if I was 100% on a profile and really wrote down all my life views and such, I don't think a profile that states"I think third wave feminism is a fraud used as a tool to damage gender relations.", "Globalist politicians are only globalist for power and are not for the betterment of society.", oh and this one "I am interested in occult knowledge and literature." would go over well. Those all will go over well in a royal blue state. Just putting that I'm a Libertarian on a profile page guarantees no responses.

Actually....I think that putting stuff like that down on a profile would be an effective way to filter out people who wouldn't enjoy your company....or attract those who would! I think tone can be hugely important for something like that, though - and it can be hard to get that right online. But I think, assuming you are a friendly guy, you'd have to make sure the tone came off as friendly - that can be done. Especially with pics, and a second set of eyes to make sure. The side effect of not putting that stuff down can be lots of bad dates that don't go anywhere....

 

[Shiznown]

Actually....I think that putting stuff like that down on a profile would be an effective way to filter out people who wouldn't enjoy your company....or attract those who would! I think tone can be hugely important for something like that, though - and it can be hard to get that right online. But I think, assuming you are a friendly guy, you'd have to make sure the tone came off as friendly - that can be done. Especially with pics, and a second set of eyes to make sure. The side effect of not putting that stuff down can be lots of bad dates that don't go anywhere....

I've been on okcupid on and off and I have only once seen a girl on there with similar political views in my area.

 

[Ambi]

I once got to know a guy online and over the phone for a few months - we were really serious. Then when we met....it was the most disastrous date....beyond anything I could have even imagined. I didn't even recognize him from his photo. I came to understand that the

I've been on okcupid on and off and I have only once seen a girl on there with similar political views in my area.

That's not surprising.....and if that's what's accurate, that's what's accurate. One who would be a good match for you would need to accept you for who you are. Again, I'm not saying give an extreme, inappropriate first impression - balance is required. But my original point wasn't that everyone was faking, rather I was figuring they were honest (maybe they were faking, who knows), I just didn't relate to most of them. That's all. And I think that was an accurate impression - I don't know many people who have met their life partners, or even a decent date, via online dating. It happens, but it's not the majority of cases. So I wouldn't be surprised if you don't find many women on their with a matching personality in your area.

 

[Pariah Dog]

im tired, since i just woke up, so ill be brief.

1. The bulk of the messages from the guys were a pathetic "hey" or "what's up?" Does that ever work for any of them?

that is how you are supposed to start a conversation. a simple hey, hello, or something like that, is perfectly normal and acceptable. anything beyond that will only work after you introduce yourself. also, generalizing.


2. The few guys that wrote a nice good message and made an effort to show they are probably not some douchebag accounted for about 5% of the messages

you ignored everyone who started with a simple hello, ergo, this number is woefully incorrect.


3. Of those 5% of guys, I didn't see that any of them would write appreciably better or more clever than I would to a lady on a first message. They seemed in line with what all the experts agree on. And when I'm talking about expert advised messaging I don't mean anything dishonest, just advice on increasing communications skills.

expecting them to be clever, or witty, to a stranger they nust met online is a mistake. also, what do the experts know? they never went on dating sites. also, you never gave them any chance to prove that they can be quite the conversationalist.


4. Reflective of the region I live in, many of the guys who messaged appeared to be redneck douche bags, or...to put this as politically correct as I can... barely literate inner city gang banger type scum bags.

there are these type of guys and even girls everywhere. also, even they attract people, or some of them. some females would want a manly man, some females dont. simple stuff. also, this implies that you had a bad experiance, simply because you happened to live in an area filled with, in your opinion, bad people.


5. I felt that I basically have seen what goes on behind the curtains. I think that if I were a women I would grow a sense of contempt towards men in general after repeated exposure to this.

i do not believe you got the full experience. also, im inclined to throw out your entire dataset just because you had to lie, just to learn things, which will obviously make it biased and untrue.

1. Online dating is not the same as starting a normal conversation. If a woman received 200 messages today of guys just saying "hey" and maybe 10 messages of guys trying to say a couple of sentences the least bit meaningful. Why would she target one of the "Hey's?" Unless they look like Ryan Gosling and have pictures of themselves on their private yacht.

2. I did not say all those one word guys were douche bags and such. Just that they made no effort to show other wise. And they are in an environment where it would be in their interest to do so.

3. How do you know what the experts have proven? And my point being, whether they are a good conversationalist or not doesn't matter very much because 99 times out of 100 a woman is not going to give them that chance.

4. These types of people exist in different percentages which would vary by region. Releasing the same profile in Portland and then again in Detroit would result in too very different lists of contacts. Some women want a "manly man" and that is wonderful. Unfortunately too maybe people seem to think "manly" means being loud, obnoxious, rude, anti intellectual...(Hell just try to watch an episode of Jersey Shore and you'll get the idea). How about a man who is physically strong but also: loves, defends and supports (there are many ways "support" could be used here) his lady, his family, and all others he cares about, he is honest and confident, he also has some traditionally manly skills such a repairing things, hunting/fishing...etc. Now that is a "many man" to me in my books. I seriously doubt those users that look like a living Jeff Foxworthy joke, or stepped out of a rap music video would fit under that latter idea of "manly man." Also I didn't say that I live in an area filled with "bad people." Just that a large percentage (larger than the surrounding land) are the ones sending messages.

5. Had to lie to learn things so that makes it all invalid? If you say so. Exactly how else could I have learned these things? Find a female acquaintance to make a profile of her self, describing herself legitimately? Explain how the resulting messages would be any different.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Had to lie to learn things so that makes it all invalid? If you say so. Exactly how else could I have learned these things? Find a female acquaintance to make a profile of her self, describing herself legitimately? Explain how the resulting messages would be any different.

Take the operation. It's all the rage these days,

Plaudits for jeff foxworthy mention. Being english i still remember his sitcom from one million years ago.

 

[Suiseiseki]

I've had sex with girls I met on dating sites.
Met a girl I thought and still hope is my soulmate (we shall see where the hell that goes).

Already I got a bit of success...
Mostly I think because I have a decent look and don't call women females.

 

[Pariah Dog]

Already I got a bit of success...
Mostly I think because I have a decent look and don't call women females.

HAHA that is brilliant . I in fact call them "ladies" in person. I like that term for a few reasons. Because it's polite, it has no preconception of age connected to it, and you can attach other words to it, "Pretty lady" for example. I am only using "female" here as I'm trying to take a somewhat scientific mindset towards it.

I had to laugh at the idea of regularly calling ladies "females" in person.

 

[Mathalamus]

im not sure if its polite to laugh at the idea of calling women females. there's no wrong way to say it, after all. just like i wont laugh at you saying things in your own way.

 

[Pariah Dog]

im not sure if its polite to laugh at the idea of calling women females. there's no wrong way to say it, after all. just like i wont laugh at you saying things in your own way.

I was laughing at the idea of myself referring to women as females in person. How dorky that would seem and what kind of reactions it might get. No it isn't "wrong," but I don't think it would make one Mr. Popular.

 

[Mathalamus]

I was laughing at the idea of myself referring to women as females in person. How dorky that would seem and what kind of reactions it might get. No it isn't "wrong," but I don't think it would make one Mr. Popular.

i dont want to be popular, and it would weed out the people who are finicky enough not to like the term 'female'. they wouldn't like me anyway.

 

[Mr Allen]

I'm on Tinder and had a few matches, and I'm expecting a phone call possibly next week from that Undateables show on Channel 4 to see if I'm going to be in the next series.

 

[Shiznown]

Went on okcupid just to see who is on there, same women from over a year ago. If those women are STILL there almost two years later, either they legitimately haven't met a decent guy, OR they are simply too picky.

 

[Judge]

Went on okcupid just to see who is on there, same women from over a year ago. If those women are STILL there almost two years later, either they legitimately haven't met a decent guy, OR they are simply too picky.

That sucks. No telling how many people ultimately use such sites as just an online socialization platform and little else. Further blurring the line between people actively looking for a mate and those just killing time.

 

[Roy pryer]

I went on there about a month ago....i mentioned my sever halitosis bad flatulance & impotence but i never heard back from anyone. Wont bother in future.

 

[Pariah Dog]

That sucks. No telling how many people ultimately use such sites as just an online socialization platform and little else. Further blurring the line between people actively looking for a mate and those just killing time.

I think I am seeing a pattern in that as well. I think some people are too picky. Some women just like the attention. It is probably an ego booster for some to sign in and see the messages from guys.


I thought it would be fun to update a little on my own progress. I had altered my profile to what I thought was better and added a main picture I also think is better. After messaging a girl the odds of a reply have increased from about 1 in 20 now to about 1 in 7 I would say. I put in my profile "not interested in hookups," which that alone made quite a difference.

I have gone on one date, out to dinner. That date went... mediocre at best. She was sick (legitimately) and have to leave early with a migraine. I was a bit artificially reserved from the get go. When I met her she didn't look nearly as good as her pictures. That is of course to be expected somewhat... but this was more than "somewhat." It almost felt slightly like fraud. I don't expect a super model and value the person first and foremost, but of course looks count for something. I noticed the other women around the restaurant and felt that 80% of them were better looking than the one I came with. Now maybe I'm not being fair about it. She did seem very nice, good natured and family oriented, and genuine. She did say she wants to see me again. Maybe she was much more ill than she let on and looked rough as a result. I'm willing to give another chance and have asked again.

In the mean time I keep on with the reaching out. I find it somewhat fun, even if the chances of success may be appallingly low. Maybe the right one will come along.

What was interesting is that over dinner my date and I talked about the online dating process. She talked about the lame messages guys will send. All those guys that just say "Hey." She said "Good luck getting anywhere with that." She is also not looking for hookups and finds herself annoyed that the majority of guys are just after that.

 

[Sid Delicious]

I thought everyone did Skype 'checks' before meeting up face to face? I always make sure I chat to them via webcam for at least a few minutes before I waste any time or money on a date.

Also, for what it's worth, I look absolutely horrendous when I (fortunately rarely) get ill. My face swells up, my eyes look like I've been punched repeatedly, I'm half asleep and my skin is grey and dieseased looking. So she may look very different when de-plagued. Again, I would recommend you chat to her once or twice on Skype and you'll be able to check.

 

[KPH2293]

During my days on plentyoffish, I would usually start off my first message with a greeting, and then try to talk about something I knew we had in common from reading their profile (which is not always easy because some people barely fill out their profile). Even then, I would rarely get a response.

I've had a little bit of success with it here and there, but nothing substantial.

 

[paloftoon]

i disagree that online dating is useless. It's more about how you use it and how open you are.

I saw one or several comments on annoyances about "hey" and "what's up" on here. I think to have an expectation for someone to start off with so many details is asking for too much. You can simply respond back with hey, what's up, or you can even initiate a question and start a conversation. Remember, a conversation is TWO ways, not just one. I think many females prefer more detailed messages being initiated to them in general, or at least a quick one liner that makes a person sound more interested. For men, they generally like things short and sweet. So one word answers or one sentence is normally what you want to keep it to. Usually, you want to keep it positive too. I've had to learn all of this the hard way unfortunately, because I didn't always have people to lean on when I needed it the most.

Also, online gives you potential options to people that you may have otherwise not had an opportunity to meet. With online dating, don't use it as a barrier. Use it as a medium to try to make connections in-person. I personally prefer to try to meet people in-person sooner rather than later because people do play too many games. if they are beating around the bush or aren't makin a schedule with you at least, look for other(s) who will. Can still be open to people you reached out to before or vice versa, but it may be worth considering that they come only at your convenience to show you they are truly serious depending on the context of the situation.

 

[xDominiel]

Online Dating entirely useless for most men?

Yes. However low the chances can be at meeting someone irl, they're still greater than getting something that won't be a train wreck through the Internet. Probably for women as well, but especially for guys.

I mean yeah, from time to time there are some nice stories. But they're vastly outnumbered.