My Thoughts as An Autistic Queer Person

[Joshua the Writer]

So you’re an autigender transgender nonbinary woman transfem demigirl pansexual and panromantic!

That just sounds like you’re a confused teenager, not that there’s anything wrong, new, or original about that.

I am not confused.

 

[OkRad]

Auti-Traum-gender. A whole lot of us have had the person-hood/sexuality beat the hell out of us.

 

[SDRSpark]

That might help? I'd read it anyways..
I've even not too long ago googled articles about these labels to try and "keep up to date". But, for one, it seems like there's perpetually new labels. For two, I find a lot of them hard to really imagine, or distinguish from one another. And for three, I can't remember them all 5 minutes after I finish reading them.
I guess I'm getting old.

Hey, I'm queer (nonbinary, asexual) and I agree with you! I can't keep up with it all either.

Personally, I ID as nonbinary and asexual without getting into the nitty-gritty micro-labels for specifically this reason - I don't want to confuse everyone, nor do I want to take the time to explain to everyone what my identity actually is/means. As far as I am concerned, the nitty-gritty specifics of my identity aren't anyone's business anyway, so I'm more comfortable using umbrella terms.

This is my way of doing things, of course. Many people prefer to do it a different way, and that's fine too.

I definitely think that my neurodivergence and gender/sexuality are intrinsically linked (so when it comes to the autigender label I guess the saying "if the shoe fits, wear it!" applies here). To me, gender expression is a social construct and gender/sex issues are just another one of those things where I utterly don't relate to the general population. I have an entirely different perspective/thought process than most, I don't make the connections that many people make and I make connections that many people don't make, and this crosses over into gender and sexuality. (That's often where it causes me the most trouble, too! Being "out of sync" with everyone else when it comes to sexuality is outright dangerous. Being "out of sync" when it comes to gender issues is socially/politically dangerous at the very least, because in today's world it seems that many people think you're a terrible person if you don't agree with their world view, and it's frequently a world view that I'm completely baffled by.)

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

As completely hetero, I have had enough of isolation to have built for myself a feeling of generosity and acceptance toward diverse sexuality. Even now, listening to a man passionately testify against laws that would marginalize his trans daughter that he loves dearly, brought me to tears. I am so very weary of the creulty of NTs towards those they see as different. When a niece came out as gay I was one of the first to express my support and love.

I wish that people would realize that in this vast universe all we have is each other and act accordingly.

 

[ForestGumpett]

I do not get it either, and I don’t want to. Can’t see it from my front porch, don’t want to see it from my front porch.

Live and let live, whatever. I’m going to say yes Ma’mm and yes Sir and treat people with respect. I’ll take a stab at it when guessing if I should say ma’mm or sir and if I get it wrong then...well, whatever - never mean to be rude but I’m not playing by constantly changing rules by people eating Tide Pods in their Safe Spaces.

Also, as far as aspie people being a certain sex, all I’ve known in the aspie people I’m associated with is they are engineers or genius in one way or another but none of them get into this kind of talk about whatever this stuff is your talking about.

Want some syrup on that pod?

[not directed at anyone, post is an In General]

 

[Barymore]

What I love about this forum is that most everyone is kind and considerate. Those that arent are generally just ignored. I try to follow that admirable trait. But sometimes I cant. What I really dislike are people taking cheap shots.

(not directed at anyone, post is an in general) oh wait, no its not.

Lucky you, that you can be glib about safe spaces. You have perhaps not ever needed one or dont care to admit it.

Saying you dont mean to be rude and then going on to make a comment obliquely suggesting mental health issues of people grappling with gender issues ist not on.

Perhaps you thought you were being witty?
I didnt think so.

Syrup on my pod. Really?

This is not about dissent or freedom of speech - or maybe it is. Namely: HOW do I say what I dont agree with? How do I promote healthy discussion and maybe learn a little something in the process.

 

[Joshua the Writer]

As completely hetero, I have had enough of isolation to have built for myself a feeling of generosity and acceptance toward diverse sexuality. Even now, listening to a man passionately testify against laws that would marginalize his trans daughter that he loves dearly, brought me to tears. I am so very weary of the creulty of NTs towards those they see as different. When a niece came out as gay I was one of the first to express my support and love.

I wish that people would realize that in this vast universe all we have is each other and act accordingly.

I wish my parents were like you . . .

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I wish my parents were like you . . .

That is so nice, thank you, especially not being a parent. Through my life I have tried to be kind. Yet my mind/personality never let me explore my sexuality at the time of my life when NTs were exploring theirs. The bitterness at my isolation was damaging and something that I have only recently come to terms with. That is why I remain accepting and supportive of others and see in their diverse sexuality an honest courage that I hope avoids the mental dysfunction I experienced. I hope this makes sense.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

What I love about this forum is that most everyone is kind and considerate. Those that arent are generally just ignored. I try to follow that admirable trait. But sometimes I cant. What I really dislike are people taking cheap shots.

(not directed at anyone, post is an in general) oh wait, no its not.

Lucky you, that you can be glib about safe spaces. You have perhaps not ever needed one or dont care to admit it.

Saying you dont mean to be rude and then going on to make a comment obliquely suggesting mental health issues of people grappling with gender issues ist not on.

Perhaps you thought you were being witty?
I didnt think so.

Syrup on my pod. Really?

This is not about dissent or freedom of speech - or maybe it is. Namely: HOW do I say what I dont agree with? How do I promote healthy discussion and maybe learn a little something in the process.

I think its important to promote a culture of acceptance, its more for me than it is for you. I like me better that way, being accepting. I could not have got to where i am without some guidance.

Dawn gave me the childs teaching of it, wow that looks wierd written down. Childes learning is i guess better said as first teaching, like an introduction to a new idea. Its mostly about who is qualified to define each person. I am only qualified to define me. I can only explain myself.

My Liberalism grew from many things i learned about, and that seems the truth to me, the more i learn, the more open minded my thinking becomes, new perspectives and all that.

I expect we will see many that disagree, and believe that free thinking is sinful, or wrongheaded or something like that. Thats ok, i can take it. Bring it on. I remember that people who are hurt in turn hurt others, or
" hurt people hurt people"

I dont mind whatever label anyone wants to stick onto me, some people need labels to cope with diversity. What i care about is to cherish, and let them i cherish know i love them in my own wierd way.

I want to encourage dialogue as being healthy, espescially for those of us who dont quite fit in. Those oddballs( right here i am one too) need a bit extra consideration.

I do think that the whole topic of gender might well need another thread, its very confusing to many. Then too there is relevance. Someone today posted about COD i think its a video game one plays online, but as i knew nothing about it i didnt post to that thread, why would i ?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I think its important to promote a culture of acceptance, its more for me than it is for you. I like me better that way, being accepting. I could not have got to where i am without some guidance.

Exactly! What we do not need are messages that diminish us in any way. Sexuality fills such basic needs for connection that negative judgements, or even uncaring messages, can easily make one feel damaged, rejected, and isolated. Basically, for me, to make any person feel that way is unethical. (But then, people acting as destructive, selfish, fools I judge harshly, maybe not overtly, though.)

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

my wife's sister kid is trans, also an aspie enjoy talking to her,

 

[Joshua the Writer]

I do not get it either, and I don’t want to. Can’t see it from my front porch, don’t want to see it from my front porch.

Live and let live, whatever. I’m going to say yes Ma’mm and yes Sir and treat people with respect. I’ll take a stab at it when guessing if I should say ma’mm or sir and if I get it wrong then...well, whatever - never mean to be rude but I’m not playing by constantly changing rules by people eating Tide Pods in their Safe Spaces.

Also, as far as aspie people being a certain sex, all I’ve known in the aspie people I’m associated with is they are engineers or genius in one way or another but none of them get into this kind of talk about whatever this stuff is your talking about.

Want some syrup on that pod?

[not directed at anyone, post is an In General]

You are coming off as rude and condescending here.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

can easily make one feel damaged, rejected, and isolated. Basically, for me, to make any person feel that way is unethical.

I need lettering practice, for what you would call calligraphy, i think i just found the write thing to use...thanks @Gerald Wilgus i like the way you write

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I need lettering practice, for what you would call calligraphy, i think i just found the write thing to use...thanks @Gerald Wilgus i like the way you write

I am flattered @Skittlebisquit, and like the pun. I see people here reaching for clarity, struggling with, issues or trying to make sense of the world. So, I try for a clarity of thought and openness as this lets me be introspective about the path I have taken. For many things i still need to come to terms with my feelings. Part of that is a desire to be a better person for those who have made me feel loved and whole.

 

[ForestGumpett]

You are coming off as rude and condescending here.

I’ve read what I said several times and for the life of me have no idea how you got rude or condescending out of my post?

Does it mean a person is rude if they do not agree? No I didn’t agree, but thought not agreeing was simply that and nothing more.

Okay, then you think that. I don’t think that, but okay. Have a nice day, wish you the best.

 

[Varzar]

I’ve read what I said several times and for the life of me have no idea how you got rude or condescending out of my post?

Does it mean a person is rude if they do not agree? No I didn’t agree, but thought not agreeing was simply that and nothing more.

Okay, then you think that. I don’t think that, but okay. Have a nice day, wish you the best.

In the interest of trying to help where you don't see what you've said to ruffle feathers (since I think we've all probably been in that situation before) I'll try to answer your questions. I'm not intending to be critical, and I don't care to argue about it. If it goes that way, I will not respond further.

I’m not playing by constantly changing rules by people eating Tide Pods in their Safe Spaces.

This comes across like you're comparing an entire group of people that are concerned about gender identity based on a small number of people that were doing something dumb (eating tide pods). And you kind of reiterated it with the "syrup on that pod" comment later.

Also, as far as aspie people being a certain sex, all I’ve known in the aspie people I’m associated with is they are engineers or genius in one way or another but none of them get into this kind of talk about whatever this stuff is your talking about.

Just cause none of your aspie associates talk about gender identity issues doesn't mean that it's not important to other aspies out there (or on here). Perhaps the people you know just don't feel comfortable discussing it? Referring to the gender identity ideas as "whatever this stuff is" also comes across as dismissive, like it's nonsense, or crazy-talk.

I don't particularly think it's a matter of agreeing/disagreeing at all. But some of the wording you chose made it come across the way I described. I hope that makes sense, and is helpful for your future social interactions!

 

[ForestGumpett]

@Valzar; Thank you for the explanation. I actually was trying to be kind lol and keep it lite but obviously failed at that.

I do not get why so many people seem to attach sex or the new sexes (no, don’t know how to say it any other way) to learning about Aspergers and Autism. Yes I’m new here, but it seems from reading that the ppl that want to be considered non heterosexual want to coin being the only people that have this disorder or whatever it is, learning difference - call it what you want I’ll prolly screw it up but okay, I do not believe you have to attach sex to this unless it has to do with sex addicts which I’ve read about.

 

[Varzar]

@Valzar; Thank you for the explanation. I actually was trying to be kind lol and keep it lite but obviously failed at that.

I do not get why so many people seem to attach sex or the new sexes (no, don’t know how to say it any other way) to learning about Aspergers and Autism. Yes I’m new here, but it seems from reading that the ppl that want to be considered non heterosexual want to coin being the only people that have this disorder or whatever it is, learning difference - call it what you want I’ll prolly screw it up but okay, I do not believe you have to attach sex to this unless it has to do with sex addicts which I’ve read about.

Maybe I’m on the wrong site, is there another forum for people that do not have to be gay to have Aspergers? Is that even possible? Maybe I don’t have it since I’m not gay?

Certainly not all AS people associate gender identity with being AS. Some do, some don't. I don't.
And you don't have to be gay to be AS either. I'm not, and plenty of others on here are also not.
A nice quote I heard early in my learning of AS was this: "If you've met one AS person, you've met one AS person.".
We're all different and unique. We have some similarities in terms of dealing with social situations, sensory sensitivities, stims, stuff like that.. But otherwise, it's a rainbow of different people.

I do think a lot of AS people are more comfortable accepting their own gender identities and sexualities than a lot of NTs though, as we don't so much feel the overwhelming pressure of society to "fit in".

If you're new to all this (as I was not so long ago), I'd just suggest reading a lot. Tons of topics have been discussed on here, and I'm certain you'll find things that fit you well, and other things that don't so much. But either way, you'll gain a greater understanding of the entire autistic spectrum.

 

[SDRSpark]

@Valzar; Thank you for the explanation. I actually was trying to be kind lol and keep it lite but obviously failed at that.

I do not get why so many people seem to attach sex or the new sexes (no, don’t know how to say it any other way) to learning about Aspergers and Autism. Yes I’m new here, but it seems from reading that the ppl that want to be considered non heterosexual want to coin being the only people that have this disorder or whatever it is, learning difference - call it what you want I’ll prolly screw it up but okay, I do not believe you have to attach sex to this unless it has to do with sex addicts which I’ve read about.

It's more that for those of us who are gender nonconforming in some way, we often cannot separate our experience of gender (and maybe sexuality as well) from our autistic experience.

At the most basic level, gender is a social construct and autistic people are notoriously bad at dealing with social constructs. So of course our experience of gender is a lot different than what the social construct says it's "supposed" to be.

 

[ForestGumpett]

At the most basic level, gender is a social construct and autistic people are notoriously bad at dealing with social constructs. So of course our experience of gender is a lot different than what the social construct says it's "supposed" to be.

I disagree because this is not science.

Hope this wasn’t rude or condescending, being dead serious - at this point not sure.