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Love or $$$$
- Thread starter Aspychata
- Start date
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- you hate me you love me
Seems a rather academic question to pose to this particular audience given those who find love and money to be rather elusive in life. 
Conversely a few of us may do well in one or the other, or even both.
Autism can create some pretty substantial obstacles in life.
Conversely a few of us may do well in one or the other, or even both.
Autism can create some pretty substantial obstacles in life.
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l simply ask because l don't judge anybody here to be held back in life. There are many NT people who stay single and never have financial success. It's just something to reflect upon and if you wish to share your observation, then feel free to.
When people have polls, l never criticize what they are asking, l just like to think alot about things. It's a spectrum thing, l don't really judge, l just like to ask questions.
l also have read of many successful relationships here. I guess l would choose love over money. But love has proven to be very evasive from all my family. So perhaps this poll will make people stop and look inside of themselves for one short nano second.
When people have polls, l never criticize what they are asking, l just like to think alot about things. It's a spectrum thing, l don't really judge, l just like to ask questions.
l also have read of many successful relationships here. I guess l would choose love over money. But love has proven to be very evasive from all my family. So perhaps this poll will make people stop and look inside of themselves for one short nano second.
I like this answer because it made me look at my internal belief system. It seems that you feel secure in yourself and your acceptance to those that matter. So love isn't really a issue one way or another to you. Maybe l need to recalibrate or return myself back to the factory to hit the reset button and nuke any flawed thinking.
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My answer is the same.
I'd be a pauper to have the love I knew from family again.
But, romantic love is not important to me. It is fickle, hard to hold onto, unreliable.
Take care of money and it will take care of you.
I'm not really interested in romantic love, I like being single. I have plenty of platonic and familial love from friends and family which satisfies my emotional needs. Therefore in the case given which stipulates "never love, only friend" I choose ££££, easy decision! If it was "no love at all, not even friends" it would be altogether different, I have rejected higher paying jobs which would require me to move away from my friends.
Love Mainly and some money
Trophonius
Well-Known Member
Take the money and you can pay medical bills to fix all your problems, including therapy for not being loved.
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Gracey
Well-Known Member
I am undecided.
I have and feel love but there have been times in my distant past where I remember feeling hungry.
(meals went to the children - couldn't pay the bills AND feed everyone)
Didn't happen often but I can remember thinking how great it must be to never have to worry about paying bills and eating at meal times.
Worrying about having to pay obscene amounts of tax on one's fortune would be a much nicer problem to have
I have and feel love but there have been times in my distant past where I remember feeling hungry.
(meals went to the children - couldn't pay the bills AND feed everyone)
Didn't happen often but I can remember thinking how great it must be to never have to worry about paying bills and eating at meal times.
Worrying about having to pay obscene amounts of tax on one's fortune would be a much nicer problem to have
Love.
Even if you have money now, you can't be certain of having it in the future. My wife and I (and our family) have been through times of very little income and a lot of debt, and times with lots of cash and no debt. Right now, it's somewhere in the middle - we have enough if we are wise with it.
In a good relationship, you should use difficulties (such as lack of $$$) to pull together, support each other - and not let them draw you apart or come between you. If you are dedicated to supporting one another over everything else, it doesn't matter how much money you have.
(If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm a romantic and an idealist)
Even if you have money now, you can't be certain of having it in the future. My wife and I (and our family) have been through times of very little income and a lot of debt, and times with lots of cash and no debt. Right now, it's somewhere in the middle - we have enough if we are wise with it.
In a good relationship, you should use difficulties (such as lack of $$$) to pull together, support each other - and not let them draw you apart or come between you. If you are dedicated to supporting one another over everything else, it doesn't matter how much money you have.
(If you haven't figured it out by now, I'm a romantic and an idealist)
I never realised how conditioned I am to think of money as this £ !even though I grasped $ !It took a lot more energy to understand it i’m not as worldly wise as I thought.
righan
Active Member
Love. Hands down.
Why? Probably has to do with my childhood. Both my parents choose money over family and love. My dad was an executive who often worked 12 hour days but we were pretty well off until I was five when he decided he didn't want to be tied to a family with a sick kid and a wife who was/is emotionally detached and unable to connect with the people around her because she's hyper-focused on her own interests.
After he left, my mom was a single mom who worked 10-12 hour days trying to provide an upper-middle class lifestyle for us because that's what she deemed was needed ... when I was 12 she even left me with a 'nanny' for six months so she could go to another city to start a new job.
My mother never remarried although after I was an adult she did end up in a long term relationship that she's been in for the past 20 years. However, the only reason that relationship works is because her and her boyfriend live 200 miles a part and only see each other once every few weeks. If they spend more than a week or so together they can't get along.
Since I'm an only child, who was sick and socially awkward, and we lived in a city 500 miles from the closest relative and my mom was always at work and was always off in her own world even when she was there ... I was pretty much alone from the time I was 9 on. I saw how the quest for money ruined my parents relationships and took over their lives and cut them off from me having emotional support. I knew I never wanted to be like that. I never wanted to 'live to work and work to live'.
So I have almost zero interest in money. My only interest is to make enough money so I can not have to worry about how I'm going to pay my bills. I even have a hard time thinking about money when it comes to my work ... my motivation for my job is to help people ... not make money ... and I often feel bad about charging people. I think I'd do what I do for free if I had a trust fund or something that allowed me to pay my bills without an income from my job.
Looking at the other side of your question - I've always been interested in romantic love. Maybe because the adults I knew were so bad at it. Or because I was raised by a woman. I know that 'what I wanted to be when I grew up' was a hermit, a husband, and a father.
My mother tells stories about how when I was 4 and 5 and I would see my parents interacting as their relationship fell apart that I'd tell my dad 'Your doing it wrong. When I'm a husband I wont do what your doing' or 'when I'm a dad I will do it this way' ... that kind of thing.
I had a lot of ideas and focusing on love and relationships was very important to me. When I would play with toys, I was often interested in acting out stories of romance and relationships instead of fighting and violence.
As a teen/young adult I would say that relationships were a 'special interest' ... It was my primary focus and I often pursued them with a disregard to just about everything else ... often compromising my health, school work, and financial health.
I did eventually find love and got married and have the relationship I always wanted. My wife helped balance me and helps me handle the social things I'm bad at ... I am certain my ability to hold down a job and maintain my health and any other success I have in life is because of her. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel that I am far more successful and happy than my parents ever were even though they made a lot more money and lived a more oppulent lifestyle. We don't have much, but we have each other, and that's the world.
I will admit, though, that a part of me looks forward to when my estranged father dies and I inherit all his money. Assuming I live that long. I may not care that much about money ... but money certainly makes a lot of things easier.
Why? Probably has to do with my childhood. Both my parents choose money over family and love. My dad was an executive who often worked 12 hour days but we were pretty well off until I was five when he decided he didn't want to be tied to a family with a sick kid and a wife who was/is emotionally detached and unable to connect with the people around her because she's hyper-focused on her own interests.
After he left, my mom was a single mom who worked 10-12 hour days trying to provide an upper-middle class lifestyle for us because that's what she deemed was needed ... when I was 12 she even left me with a 'nanny' for six months so she could go to another city to start a new job.
My mother never remarried although after I was an adult she did end up in a long term relationship that she's been in for the past 20 years. However, the only reason that relationship works is because her and her boyfriend live 200 miles a part and only see each other once every few weeks. If they spend more than a week or so together they can't get along.
Since I'm an only child, who was sick and socially awkward, and we lived in a city 500 miles from the closest relative and my mom was always at work and was always off in her own world even when she was there ... I was pretty much alone from the time I was 9 on. I saw how the quest for money ruined my parents relationships and took over their lives and cut them off from me having emotional support. I knew I never wanted to be like that. I never wanted to 'live to work and work to live'.
So I have almost zero interest in money. My only interest is to make enough money so I can not have to worry about how I'm going to pay my bills. I even have a hard time thinking about money when it comes to my work ... my motivation for my job is to help people ... not make money ... and I often feel bad about charging people. I think I'd do what I do for free if I had a trust fund or something that allowed me to pay my bills without an income from my job.
Looking at the other side of your question - I've always been interested in romantic love. Maybe because the adults I knew were so bad at it. Or because I was raised by a woman. I know that 'what I wanted to be when I grew up' was a hermit, a husband, and a father.
My mother tells stories about how when I was 4 and 5 and I would see my parents interacting as their relationship fell apart that I'd tell my dad 'Your doing it wrong. When I'm a husband I wont do what your doing' or 'when I'm a dad I will do it this way' ... that kind of thing.
I had a lot of ideas and focusing on love and relationships was very important to me. When I would play with toys, I was often interested in acting out stories of romance and relationships instead of fighting and violence.
As a teen/young adult I would say that relationships were a 'special interest' ... It was my primary focus and I often pursued them with a disregard to just about everything else ... often compromising my health, school work, and financial health.
I did eventually find love and got married and have the relationship I always wanted. My wife helped balance me and helps me handle the social things I'm bad at ... I am certain my ability to hold down a job and maintain my health and any other success I have in life is because of her. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel that I am far more successful and happy than my parents ever were even though they made a lot more money and lived a more oppulent lifestyle. We don't have much, but we have each other, and that's the world.
I will admit, though, that a part of me looks forward to when my estranged father dies and I inherit all his money. Assuming I live that long. I may not care that much about money ... but money certainly makes a lot of things easier.
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I think many NTs also struggle with social situations.
- Started by Poppy98
- Replies: 10
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