Is there a way to not live in an apartment when you suffer with noise sensitivity? (UK only)

[Misty Avich]

It seems in the UK the only way you'll get a house is if you have children or you're rich enough to take out a mortgage. Me and my husband are neither, but I read somewhere that apartments are best avoided if you're noise sensitive like me. I constantly have to use earplugs or NC headphones when home, and I mean constantly, because of the family upstairs, their toddler always thundering about with no bedtime routine and they have no carpets.

Some of their low thumping noises can set off vertigo for me, as I have a perforated eardrum that can pick up certain extreme low or high sounds differently to other people and can cause pain or dizziness. So the only solution is to wear earplugs or headphones, but it does affect my communication with my husband, as I can't have a conversation with my ears shielded all the time, because I can't hear, obviously.

So the only time we get to communicate is when we're in bed or out of the apartment. I feel it is not healthy for me to have to live restricted like this. This isn't just a trivial thing, this is my living space I'm talking about, so it affects a lot of my life, and if I can't relax in my own home then where can I relax? I think of everyone else I know, who just comes home and don't even have to think about their ears. I want to live like that. A normal life. Even if the family upstairs move out, I bet the landlords will put a new family up there, even though these apartments weren't originally designed for families, they were designed for childless key workers who work shifts, which is why they don't have a solid soundproof structure.

I need to live somewhere where there's nobody living above, as everyday noise from below or next door can be tolerated more than constantly hearing movement from above. Just sounds from above can really hurt my ears, but nobody understands. I want to see the doctor about this but I don't think that would help. We've tried looking for another apartment but we've had no such luck. I'd prefer a house, even with just one bedroom, but like I said, houses here seem to only be reserved for families and rich people - which kind of makes me feel resentful towards them.

The Samaritans can't offer any support in this situation. Not sure what support they can offer. I don't know who else to turn to. I don't know where I can begin. It's affecting my mental health and my physical health. Is there anyone here who might provide some hope? I can't go on living below those [can't think of a PG-13 rated swear word that describes how I feel about them upstairs].

 

[Judge]

Does Britain enforce condominium building specifications? If so, that may be an alternative, though more costly than renting a conventional apartment unit.

Condo specs here being higher than apartment units when it comes to noise through thicker floors and walls. But then they are harder to find as they are usually owned individually rather than by large scale property management firms. My brother lives in such a unit that looks more like a conventional two-bedroom apartment, but is actually a condominium complex. Better still that he is an owner and not a renter. But it's amazing to hear him talk about how quiet it is even with neighbors with noisy pets. All based on rigid condo specs.

Otherwise in some but not all instances I also think of those "brownstone" apartments, built much earlier and far more solidly from a very different era. Considerations that modern apartment complex developers shy away from largely due to cost. Though I also get the impression that "new construction" isn't something bandied about much in Britain in general. Old buildings, but not built to more livable specifications even in the past.

For me, renting remains an absolute "crapshoot". With the realization that any of my quiet neighbors could move at an instant, which could so easily change the peace and harmony that I presently enjoy, more indicative of the building across from me which has a number cliched, noisy and indifferent tenants.

 

[Outdated]

Try living where you share a wall with an alcoholic. At 4:00 am I started using a saucepan to hammer on the kitchen wall, it took a little while for him to get the message but he did eventually shut up.

I miss living in the bush where my nearest neighbour was 3 Km away, but that's not an easy life when you get older unless you're truly wealthy. I'm so glad I bought the headphones though, they do give me a break when I need it. Mine have a mode button on one ear, I can change it between Silent and Aware, in the Aware mode most background noise is subdued but I can still hear things close to me, in Silent mode the world is bliss.

 

[Misty Avich]

I dislike wearing headphones. It's peace I crave, but not silence as such. I'd love to hear the sound of the weather again, something that I love hearing but always miss out on because of them £&!?&$ upstairs. And no, listening to weather sounds on YouTube isn't the same, I like to hear the current weather that's happening outside, such as thunderstorms, wind and rain.

And yes I know it "could be worse", I understand that no matter what bad situation you are in there is always someone who's in a worse situation, but that still doesn't trivialise my stress and anxiety. It's worse than it sounds in written description.
I do get fed up and often wish the landlords would be mindful about who they're housing instead of just thinking of £££ all the time. Like I said, originally these apartments were built for single people or childless couples who work in jobs like pilots, paramedics, coach-drivers (which my husband used to be when he first got offered the apartment), and other jobs like that where you're away from home a lot or doing shift work. He said it was lovely and peaceful living here, you hardly heard the neighbours. Nowadays the landlords seem to be placing families into these small, poorly built apartments, and it isn't exactly a very child-friendly area. I hate families in apartments. It is not ideal. There should be some apartment buildings strictly for childless people who just want a peaceful life. I know that sounds selfish, but not everybody loves children or want to hear their ugly screams and stomping about above them day and night.

 

[Streetwise]

It seems in the UK the only way you'll get a house is if you have children or you're rich enough to take out a mortgage. Me and my husband are neither, but I read somewhere that apartments are best avoided if you're noise sensitive like me. I constantly have to use earplugs or NC headphones when home, and I mean constantly, because of the family upstairs, their toddler always thundering about with no bedtime routine and they have no carpets.

Some of their low thumping noises can set off vertigo for me, as I have a perforated eardrum that can pick up certain extreme low or high sounds differently to other people and can cause pain or dizziness. So the only solution is to wear earplugs or headphones, but it does affect my communication with my husband, as I can't have a conversation with my ears shielded all the time, because I can't hear, obviously.

So the only time we get to communicate is when we're in bed or out of the apartment. I feel it is not healthy for me to have to live restricted like this. This isn't just a trivial thing, this is my living space I'm talking about, so it affects a lot of my life, and if I can't relax in my own home then where can I relax? I think of everyone else I know, who just comes home and don't even have to think about their ears. I want to live like that. A normal life. Even if the family upstairs move out, I bet the landlords will put a new family up there, even though these apartments weren't originally designed for families, they were designed for childless key workers who work shifts, which is why they don't have a solid soundproof structure.

I need to live somewhere where there's nobody living above, as everyday noise from below or next door can be tolerated more than constantly hearing movement from above. Just sounds from above can really hurt my ears, but nobody understands. I want to see the doctor about this but I don't think that would help. We've tried looking for another apartment but we've had no such luck. I'd prefer a house, even with just one bedroom, but like I said, houses here seem to only be reserved for families and rich people - which kind of makes me feel resentful towards them.

The Samaritans can't offer any support in this situation. Not sure what support they can offer. I don't know who else to turn to. I don't know where I can begin. It's affecting my mental health and my physical health. Is there anyone here who might provide some hope? I can't go on living below those [can't think of a PG-13 rated swear word that describes how I feel about them upstairs].

I'm in england, you can't avoid noise, at all!, unless you live miles from any humans, i'm in a midi link house, still hear irritating noise, neurotypicals are the majority, just accept you'll be a basket case, i recommend buying silicone putty earplugs, you mix together the silicone, than push gently! into your outer ear, wait for it to go hard and they block out all sound, wear them at the noisiest part of the day

 

[Misty Avich]

I don't mind some noise but living in apartments is just way too close for comfort, particularly when it's ABOVE you.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

Is this an option for you?

If you are interested, there are some good books to learn how to do it step by step.

 

[Suzanne]

Can you speak French? If so, come to France!

I have visited a few who live in flats and was shocked with the noise, so I can understand how you must feel, even though, I have not had to contend with that.

So, nothing has changed in Britain? I am from the uk myself, but not lived there for over 20 plus years, but remember the same attitude and even had someone say: get pregnant, and you can have a home!

Are you offically diagnosed? Because, if you are, surely there is something that can be done?

 

[Mary Terry]

It seems in the UK the only way you'll get a house is if you have children or you're rich enough to take out a mortgage. Me and my husband are neither, but I read somewhere that apartments are best avoided if you're noise sensitive like me. I constantly have to use earplugs or NC headphones when home, and I mean constantly, because of the family upstairs, their toddler always thundering about with no bedtime routine and they have no carpets.

Some of their low thumping noises can set off vertigo for me, as I have a perforated eardrum that can pick up certain extreme low or high sounds differently to other people and can cause pain or dizziness. So the only solution is to wear earplugs or headphones, but it does affect my communication with my husband, as I can't have a conversation with my ears shielded all the time, because I can't hear, obviously.

So the only time we get to communicate is when we're in bed or out of the apartment. I feel it is not healthy for me to have to live restricted like this. This isn't just a trivial thing, this is my living space I'm talking about, so it affects a lot of my life, and if I can't relax in my own home then where can I relax? I think of everyone else I know, who just comes home and don't even have to think about their ears. I want to live like that. A normal life. Even if the family upstairs move out, I bet the landlords will put a new family up there, even though these apartments weren't originally designed for families, they were designed for childless key workers who work shifts, which is why they don't have a solid soundproof structure.

I need to live somewhere where there's nobody living above, as everyday noise from below or next door can be tolerated more than constantly hearing movement from above. Just sounds from above can really hurt my ears, but nobody understands. I want to see the doctor about this but I don't think that would help. We've tried looking for another apartment but we've had no such luck. I'd prefer a house, even with just one bedroom, but like I said, houses here seem to only be reserved for families and rich people - which kind of makes me feel resentful towards them.

The Samaritans can't offer any support in this situation. Not sure what support they can offer. I don't know who else to turn to. I don't know where I can begin. It's affecting my mental health and my physical health. Is there anyone here who might provide some hope? I can't go on living below those [can't think of a PG-13 rated swear word that describes how I feel about them upstairs].

Look for an apartment on the top floor of a building?

 

[Misty Avich]

Look for an apartment on the top floor of a building?

Well that's the other option I guess. I would inquire about seeing if the people upstairs would do a swap and they can come downstairs (which would actually be easier for them) and we go upstairs. But we hardly see them and don't have a friendship with them. Because they hardly ever go out unless they have an essential appointment somewhere that can't be done online at home, we don't ever see them (and we can hear them the whole time we're home), and neither of us really want to knock on their door and say "oh by the way, want to swap apartments?" And no, please don't advise me to put a basket of fruit or a pot of honey by their door to win their friendship, because that doesn't work like that, this is real life, not Winnie The Pooh. Lol

 

[Mary Terry]

Well that's the other option I guess. I would inquire about seeing if the people upstairs would do a swap and they can come downstairs (which would actually be easier for them) and we go upstairs. But we hardly see them and don't have a friendship with them. Because they hardly ever go out unless they have an essential appointment somewhere that can't be done online at home, we don't ever see them (and we can hear them the whole time we're home), and neither of us really want to knock on their door and say "oh by the way, want to swap apartments?" And no, please don't advise me to put a basket of fruit or a pot of honey by their door to win their friendship, because that doesn't work like that, this is real life, not Winnie The Pooh. Lol

Why does it have to be the same building that you currently occupy? Can't you look for a vacant apartment on the top floor of another building?

 

[Misty Avich]

Why does it have to be the same building that you currently occupy? Can't you look for a vacant apartment on the top floor of another building?

Well, we could, but if we're going to move to a different apartment building I rather we rented in council rather than private rented, because I don't feel secure in a private rented apartment. But a lot of people tell me that it's impossible to get on to the council housing list.
But if another privately rented apartment is the only option then I guess we'll just have to go for that (as long as it's on the top floor). Yes I know antisocial behaviour from neighbours downstairs or next door can cause problems, but I think you're more likely to be able to sort that out with the landlords, where as complaining about a family making a noise above you does nothing, because I do know that there's not a lot landlords can do about that type of noise. But knowing that still doesn't make it any easier to get used to or tolerate.

 

[Judge]

Look for an apartment on the top floor of a building?

A lesson that I only had to learn just once.

Always breaks my heart too. I moved into a brand new unit, but it was on the second floor of a third-floor apartment complex. I loved the layout and square footage. Lived there for three years.

The first two years were wonderful. No noise at all from above, below or along the walls. However the girl above my unit moved out, and the people who moved in were awful. Dropping shoes or whatever like at 4am all the time. I began to lose sleep. Eventually moved to a cheaper place that wasn't nearly as good. Lived their only two months to discover how bad the crime was in the area. Quiet, but I didn't appreciate all the auto burglaries happening.

What's that saying? "The grass is always greener on the other side". Or not.

 

[Ken]

Ohhh... I really hear you about that... And I live in a house and suffered the same problem. Did I mention suffer?

The house next door was a rental and a family moved in, then another and another - all at the same time. There was at least three families crammed in there. The house was totally overloaded. They partied 24/7. They were loud and nasty and even occupied / partied in our yard, and stole things out of our yard. I had some work to do in our yard, but my sensitivities were so assaulted and overwhelmed I was incapacitated.

Finally, they moved out. I'm not sure if there has ever been a time when I was happier to see anyone leave. The house was then bought, reworked and sold. The new owner is a very quiet young lady - who also like QUIET!

Finally bliss.

I hope that works out for you, hopefully sooner than later!

 

[Misty Avich]

Ohhh... I really hear you about that... And I live in a house and suffered the same problem. Did I mention suffer?

The house next door was a rental and a family moved in, then another and another - all at the same time. There was at least three families crammed in there. The house was totally overloaded. They partied 24/7. They were loud and nasty and even occupied / partied in our yard, and stole things out of our yard. I had some work to do in our yard, but my sensitivities were so assaulted and overwhelmed I was incapacitated.

That sounds more like antisocial behaviour, which is what disturbs people without sensory issues too.

Finally, they moved out. I'm not sure if there has ever been a time when I was happier to see anyone leave. The house was then bought, reworked and sold. The new owner is a very quiet young lady - who also like QUIET!

Finally bliss.

Lovely.

I hope that works out for you, hopefully sooner than later!

My upstairs neighbours don't exhibit antisocial behaviour, although they're not the most considerate of people and are quite strange, but this kind of neighbour noise is more the complex sort, which is still a nightmare for people with sensory issues who just want to live a quiet life. I don't have children myself, just quiet sweet little rats that I call my children.

 

[Misty Avich]

While I'm looking forward to Christmas, the thought of them thumping and banging constantly all Christmas does fill me with anxiety. I get that most families with small children stay indoors over Christmas, but knowing them they probably won't set foot outside their apartment at all, just like all the other days of the year. Me and my husband have plans to see relatives, but on Christmas day we're staying home, and I can see them being extra noisy upstairs. They've probably got the kid some very noisy toys that are supposed to be outdoor toys, like a scooter, pedal car, basketballs, trampoline, and lots of other things like that that are going to be hell for us below to have to endure.

 

[Ken]

That sounds more like antisocial behaviour, which is what disturbs people without sensory issues too.

Lovely.

My upstairs neighbours don't exhibit antisocial behaviour, although they're not the most considerate of people and are quite strange, but this kind of neighbour noise is more the complex sort, which is still a nightmare for people with sensory issues who just want to live a quiet life. I don't have children myself, just quiet sweet little rats that I call my children.

While those neighbors noise did not come through the ceiling, it did come through the walls. We could not sleep at night for all the loud party noise. They seemed to live outdoors more than indoors. And the massive army of screaming kids totally terrified me. (I suffer from a really bad case of paedophobia). Yes, they were antisocial, but they were also loud and their noise was not limited to their house and yard. I have lots of sensitivities and phobias and they wrenched almost all of them. And all that anxiety was just from the noise inside our house.

My point is: I also suffer anxieties like that and really empathise your situation. I hope something can resolve it soon!

I don't have children myself, just quiet sweet little rats that I call my children.

We have lots of "wildlife" that we call our pets that we put food out for every night and morning. They include possums, raccoons, skunks, mice, squirrels and a very large assortment of birds and insects. We love them all. And no - the skunks do not smell. Not even a little bit. I think they are all beautiful.

 

[Misty Avich]

While those neighbors noise did not come through the ceiling, it did come through the walls. We could not sleep at night for all the loud party noise. They seemed to live outdoors more than indoors. And the massive army of screaming kids totally terrified me. (I suffer from a really bad case of paedophobia). Yes, they were antisocial, but they were also loud and their noise was not limited to their house and yard. I have lots of sensitivities and phobias and they wrenched almost all of them. And all that anxiety was just from the noise inside our house.

Yes, the noise you're describing is referred to antisocial behaviour from your neighbours. It means neighbours who have loud parties and are very inconsiderate and troublesome. My neighbours don't exhibit antisocial behaviour like that, their behaviour is more complex and is something that others are expected to tolerate by default. Sometimes, though, when being noise-sensitive like me and you, it is extremely hard to rationalise such noises and ignore them like everyone tells us to do.

My point is: I also suffer anxieties like that and really empathise your situation. I hope something can resolve it soon!

I know. I'm hoping they'll move out but even if they did the landlords will probably stick another family up there.

We have lots of "wildlife" that we call our pets that we put food out for every night and morning. They include possums, raccoons, skunks, mice, squirrels and a very large assortment of birds and insects. We love them all. And no - the skunks do not smell. Not even a little bit. I think they are all beautiful.

Yes we do often give our scraps of food to the wildlife outside. My rats are domestic pets so they're a bit more privileged than the wild rats outside lol.

 

[tazz]

The local autism service here (south west england) has link workers who can help with housing issues. I say "help" - it depends a lot on what you need. From what little I know, it is very very difficult to get help from authorities. There are something like 4 levels and mostly only the top two levels actually get help within a reasonable time period. The others are deemed non-urgent and essentially get nothing. But those link workers can help to get you on the list and/or bumped up into a higher level maybe.

But in general, looking for a top floor apartment would be the obvious way to go. If you're already in council housing and would need to move to different council property, that might also take an unworkably long time. But again, the link workers might be able to liaise with the local authority on your behalf.

Maybe it's just worth talking to the link workers and see how the land lies.

I don't know if all autism services around the country have link workers - or maybe they do and call them something different like social workers or something else.

 

[Misty Avich]

We're currently in private rented.

Getting support would mean I'll have to...admit to having autism, which I find it really hard to do. But I am becoming desperate. Right now the kid keeps running up and down the living-room and it's unbearable to hear below. My husband is in a chatty sort of mood tonight but we can't sit and talk like couples should, because my ears have to be shielded because of the horrible thundering noise coming from upstairs. If I take my earplugs out then I know I'm going to become so distressed at the noise that my hate for them up there will trigger that adrenaline rush and make me want to bang the ceiling with a broom handle, which my husband doesn't like me doing.
I hate to say this but I wish the kid didn't have legs.