Is there a way to not live in an apartment when you suffer with noise sensitivity? (UK only)

[Judge]

Yes, the noise you're describing is referred to antisocial behaviour from your neighbours. It means neighbours who have loud parties and are very inconsiderate and troublesome. My neighbours don't exhibit antisocial behaviour like that, their behaviour is more complex and is something that others are expected to tolerate by default.

This is where it all can get rather complicated. Where a landlord may contractually stipulate that such issues are between local ordinances, law enforcement and tenants. When none of the parties mentioned are particularly eager to initiate contact. Where indeed there is that nebulous assumption that we're all supposed to tolerate one another, regardless of the racket we may make.

Reminds me of some years back when someone knocked on my door and it was two policemen citing a report of gunshots in the vicinity of my unit. I let them in, and pointed out the obvious. That there was nothing wrong, nor did I even hear real gunshots near me. I still recall my rolling my eyes as one of them drew their handgun and inched their way into my bedroom, where all the lights were turned off. Off course he found nothing at all, and went back to his partner and they continued interrogating me.

To make a long story short, my neighbor below me "swatted" me. Translation: My television was too loud for him while watching "NCIS". Phoning in a false report claiming gunshots. I never bothered to give it much thought beyond that, other than to see the cops go downstairs and question my neighbor. That tenant moved about a month later. The man who replaced him is around my age and very quiet, so I make a more concerted effort to get along. Especially with the other tenant aside my unit as well. We've never made direct contact, but it seems one of those few "unwritten rules" we all abide by.

The problem with this? None, except for the odds of it happening. Where more than likely apart from having zero contact with your neighbor, many are likely to be indifferent to other tenants. As if their predicament is only temporary, rationalizing their indifference.

So I live with a certain degree of apprehension whenver I get the impression one of my neighbors might be moving. Where the odds of them being replaced by someone equally as considerate aren't too likely.

Making renting itself so terribly frustrating at times. Whether on this side of the pond or the other side. Maybe all renters really do need to reach out to the their neighbors to mutually gain from it. Something admittedly which may amount to a tougher proposition for those of us on the spectrum of autism. Yet perhaps a more profitable one.

 

[NeuroVibes]

Oh, man, I am soooo sorry you're dealing with this. My husband suffers from severe noise sensitivity too, and the fallout has been so extreme that neighbor noise triggers PTSD for me now.

I'll be frank in saying that short of moving to the middle of nowhere, this kind of sensitivity is hard to manage. We've moved numerous times. Whenever we got rid of one intolerable noise, another would become more noticeable until it, too, became unlivable.

Maybe a top floor apartment or a house will work better for you than it did for us. He's in therapy now to help, as much as it can. The absolute best thing he did was to switch to the really good, "active" type noise-cancelling headphones. They're worth their weight in gold. But even they don't block the loudest neighbor sounds, despite us now living in a house on 1/3 acre.

We both use headphones/earbuds a lot as accommodations. Is it "fair" to have to wear them at home so much? Honestly, none of this feels fair. But many people need assistive devices to get through daily life. So be it.

If headphones block nature sounds, pipe in some soothing ambiance videos for a while after putting them on. As for talking to your spouse, we found a way around that. When we're in Emergency Noise Reduction mode, we switch to chatting via text. Yep, even sitting in the same room. We communicate via phones or laptop, and it's actually been kind of fun. We've had some good talks this way.

I wish you success in finding relief. Until then, next time the pitter patter of annoying feet begins, set those headphones to "active," light a soothing scented candle, and text a fun message to your spouse. Or even an "Ugh, it's one of those nights" message. And for whatever small comfort it offers, know that you're not alone.

 

[Misty Avich]

I'm pleased it worked for you but it just doesn't feel the same texting a person I'd rather have verbal social interaction with and I live with.
If I lived in a top floor apartment or a house, the only neighbour noises that would annoy me is antisocial behaviour (which is the sort of noise that stresses most NTs out too), or the murmuring TVs or stereos through the walls. But otherwise, it'll still be nice not to have to hear footsteps of people moving above you every minute of the day. Yes, even at night they're thumping about and the 2-year-old doesn't seem to have a bedtime routine. When I was small my parents wouldn't let me run around on full alert at 11 o'clock at night.
It wouldn't be so bad if they went out sometimes during the day. I don't think it's natural to always stay cooped up in an apartment all day every day with a baby. It's vital to the baby's social and immunity development to get them outside, in their stroller, to the supermarket or the park or whatever. The only time they seem to go out is for like an hour, once in a blue moon, probably to an appointment or something.

Sometimes I feel like buying them tickets to stay overnight somewhere. In a rocket. Into outer space. Forever. They'll probably like that, as being in a space shuttle would be just like being in their apartment all day every day, only they can stamp as much as they want and let their brat run around like a yo-yo without anybody having to suffer their ugly noise.

 

[NeuroVibes]

I totally get it. It's about finding solutions for where we're at right now, and they aren't going to work for everyone. All I know is, this issue has caused a lot of strife for my husband and trauma for me in dealing with it. Legal issues, evictions, police calls...on us because the noise issues affect him so badly. So whatever ideas we can use, however small, are victories that help us hang on. I hope you find your answers too!

 

[Misty Avich]

I totally get it. It's about finding solutions for where we're at right now, and they aren't going to work for everyone. All I know is, this issue has caused a lot of strife for my husband and trauma for me in dealing with it. Legal issues, evictions, police calls...on us because the noise issues affect him so badly. So whatever ideas we can use, however small, are victories that help us hang on. I hope you find your answers too!

I do have solutions, such as the earplugs and the NC headphones, but I still get fed up sometimes, as I feel restricted in my own home

But thank you for your input though, it is valued.

 

[Misty Avich]

My ear is so sore from constantly using earplugs. We've had company today, so I can't wear NC headphones. So I put an earplug in the deaf ear (the ear that's most sensitive to the low thumping sounds from upstairs), and sometimes that helps, strangely enough. But my ear is getting sore from all the use of earplugs. Tonight my husband wants to play Monopoly with me but that game requires communication and so I'll have to do the one earplug thing again. I hate having to live like this, I just want to live a normal life. Yesterday we visited relatives and it felt so nice to walk into a house without having to worry about people moving around above.
When I'm at home I'm constantly on edge because they just randomly bang at any time. It sounds like a rolling sort of bang that moves swiftly across the ceiling, like someone is stumbling over on rollerskates. Or when the brat runs up and down it sounds like someone is hammering. It's literally agony for my ears, particularly the deaf ear (not completely deaf but you know what I mean).
You know how misophonia can make you really hate the source of the triggering noise to the point where you imagine bad things to happen to them? Like for example, I picture an undetected carbon monoxide leak in their apartment that kills them. Or I picture buying a gun and shooting them. Obviously I WON'T act on this, don't worry, it's just irrational thoughts that people with misophonia can relate to.

 

[Mary Terry]

@Misty - I highly recommend you immediately look for another place to live. Children run, play, jump, throw things, shout and make noise. You can't prevent them from doing that without being cruel to them. They deserve to live as much as you deserve to live.

 

[Misty Avich]

It just seems hard to get another place unless you have money or children.

 

[Mary Terry]

You need to move so you won't constantly be angry at innocent people, including children, who live on a floor above you. People move all the time in the UK with or without money or children.

 

[tazz]

It's difficult to find a suitable home if your money is limited because obviously that restricts your options a lot. But it's not impossible. Your current place can't be the only one in your area at that price. Having a look around sounds like a worthwhile thing to do.

 

[Forest Cat]

From what I have seen, there seems to be a housing crisis in the UK now. There are hundreds of thousands of people arriving there that needs a place to live, plus people who already lives there. Young people trying to move out of their parents place and so on. It's the same all over Europe it looks like. Property and rental prices going up and less new homes being built because of a crappy economy and high interest rates among other things, the housing market is under pressure. That doesn't mean it's impossible, you just have to look around and put some time into it I think.

 

[Misty Avich]

From what I have seen, there seems to be a housing crisis in the UK now. There are hundreds of thousands of people arriving there that needs a place to live, plus people who already lives there.

Thousands of people arriving here. From where, and why? On this tiny island?

Young people trying to move out of their parents place and so on. It's the same all over Europe it looks like. Property and rental prices going up and less new homes being built because of a crappy economy and high interest rates among other things, the housing market is under pressure. That doesn't mean it's impossible, you just have to look around and put some time into it I think.

Less homes being built? Where I live there are thousands of trees being chopped down to build thousands of houses everywhere, it's depressing.

 

[tazz]

Yeah ok, rant, but still, why not look for a new home as well.

Thousands of people arriving here. From where, and why? On this tiny island?

From where:

Net migration of 672000 in the year ending June 2023.

Those arriving:
non-EU 968,000
EU 129,000
British 84,000

Those leaving:
non-EU 200,000
EU 215,000
British 93,000

Reasons:

"...humanitarian routes (including Ukrainian and British National (Overseas) schemes), as well as an increase in non-EU students and workers. ... The largest contributor to non-EU immigration (39%) was study"

Office of National Statistics official figures (latest figures, year ending June 2023):

Long-term international migration, provisional - Office for National Statistics

Official statistics (in development) of UK international migration, year ending (YE) June 2012 to YE June 2023; estimates from YE December 2022 and YE June 2023 are provisional and will be updated when more complete data are available.

www.ons.gov.uk

 

[Forest Cat]

Less homes being built?

The companies that build houses are having finacial problems. Interest rates going up, the cost of supplies going up, gas and electricity also going up, it's more expensive to build. And at the same time, peoples economy is getting worse, people can't afford to buy homes like they used to. It's just a crappy economy. It seems to be like that pretty much all over Europe now.

 

[tazz]

Just to put those immigration figures in perspective, there are about 68 million people in the UK. Net migration is about 1%. So you could very crudely say that for every 100 people looking for a place to live, 1 of them immigrated here in the last year. I'm not sure that has a massive impact on the overall housing problem. I think the other things that @Forest Cat mentioned like financial issues, interest rates etc are probably more of a factor.

 

[tazz]

So are you going to take a look around for new properties? What are your thoughts?

 

[Misty Avich]

So are you going to take a look around for new properties? What are your thoughts?

Well apparently it's impossible to get a council apartment if you're in private rented like we currently are, and we're too poor to buy a place, so we'll have to look for another privately rented place.
The thing is, I don't really like being in private rented because I don't feel secure. Apparently the landlords can just kick you out if they decide to sell up, or if you become unemployed they can just discriminate against you. Being homeless terrifies me and I don't want to hear any advice on how to survive being homeless, what I do need is reassurance that I won't ever be homeless and advice on how to not become homeless.

Landlords of private rented places I find are stinking rich and greedy.

 

[tazz]

Well apparently it's impossible to get a council apartment if you're in private rented like we currently are, and we're too poor to buy a place, so we'll have to look for another privately rented place.
The thing is, I don't really like being in private rented because I don't feel secure. Apparently the landlords can just kick you out if they decide to sell up, or if you become unemployed they can just discriminate against you. Being homeless terrifies me and I don't want to hear any advice on how to survive being homeless, what I do need is reassurance that I won't ever be homeless and advice on how to not become homeless.

Landlords of private rented places I find are stinking rich and greedy.

Landlords cannot "just kick you out" if they decide to sell up. There's a legal process which ensures you have time to go find a new place.

Landlords can discriminate of course, although they're not allowed to. That could presumably happen in your existing property.

Is your current landlord stinking rich and greedy?

 

[Misty Avich]

Landlords cannot "just kick you out" if they decide to sell up. There's a legal process which ensures you have time to go find a new place.

Well that's a relief.

Landlords can discriminate of course, although they're not allowed to. That could presumably happen in your existing property.

Yes, I don't like living in private rented at all, but my husband has lived here for 20 years and has been unemployed before but because of the amount of time he has lived here and been paying the rent, they let him off.
And I might as well mention that in all the 20 years he's lived here he's never had a family living above until the last 2 years.

Is your current landlord stinking rich and greedy?

Oh yes, very.

 

[tazz]

Well that's a relief.

Good. Happy to help.

Oh yes, very.

Then it doesn't really matter whether a new landlord is also stinking rich and greedy. That won't be any worse than where you are.

Yes, I don't like living in private rented at all, but my husband has lived here for 20 years and has been unemployed before but because of the amount of time he has lived here and been paying the rent, they let him off.
And I might as well mention that in all the 20 years he's lived here he's never had a family living above until the last 2 years.

This is also my experience of landlords. If you prove that you're a reliable tenant they actually want to keep you. That's why they would be lenient. By the way, unemployment is not grounds for eviction - as long as you can pay the rent, the landlord can't legally do anything just because you become unemployed.

Only you can decide with your husband about whether to move of course, but perhaps in this case it's better the devil you know.