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Is my boyfriend in the wrong for ending our relationship because we don’t mentally connect?

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dancerxoxo123

Well-Known Member
My boyfriend wants to end our relationship and take a break because we don't "mentally connect" and he says I talk at an elementary school level and he told me he wants to find someone who talks more at his level. It's not my fault I talk in an elementary school level because I have a disability that affects my communication such as my autism and borderline intellectual functioning so it’s not something I can change about myself. I don't want to be single for life because of this. Is he wrong for breaking up with me because of this and not just accept me for who I am?
 
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dancerxoxo123 said:
Is he wrong for breaking up with me because of this and not just accept me for who I am?
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No. It is the right thing. It would be a very unhealthy relationship for you both if he stayed with a partner who does not meet his needs because it would make him deeply unhappy. When one partner is deeply unhappy, both are. (Experiencing some of this myself at the moment.) He did you a favour, really. Hope you can understand and feel this at some point in the future.

Sorry to hear of the situation, it's a hard one to be in and you have my sympathies.
 
velociraptor said:
No. It is the right thing. It would be a very unhealthy relationship for you both if he stayed with a partner who does not meet his needs because it would make him deeply unhappy. When one partner is deeply unhappy, both are. (Experiencing some of this myself at the moment.) He did you a favour, really. Hope you can understand and feel this at some point in the future.

Sorry to hear of the situation, it's a hard one to be in and you have my sympathies.
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So he doesn’t accept me for who I am?
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
So he doesn’t accept me for who I am?
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Most likely it sounds like he probably always had such issues.

Frankly I think that was made rather clear in how you described him relative to your relationship with him. Having someone break up with you is seldom a happy or amicable situation. However under the circumstances it sounds like it's for the best for you.

Most importantly you want to find someone who appreciates you for who you are. Not who they want you to be.
 
Judge said:
Most likely it sounds like he probably always had such issues.

Frankly I think that was made rather clear in how you described him relative to your relationship with him. Having someone break up with you is seldom a happy or amicable situation. However under the circumstances it sounds like it's for the best for you.

Most importantly you want to find someone who appreciates you for who you are. Not who they want you to be.
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Yeah you are right.
 
Couples breakup. l think he could have been a tab more sensitive and said that maybe it wasn't a match. Sometimes guys just are looking for one thing, and then they move on. I am being very honest. You deserve someone that respects you, and gives you the happiness you are looking for. People that are perfectly matched in intellect, maturity, can still breakup. People can even fall out of love. That's relationships, they are very hard to predict. So this isn't anybody's fault, it doesn't mean you are a bad partner. It just is not a match. Sometimes the timing is wrong, sometimes maturity just isn't there, sometimes the relationship is toxic, l can go on and on. You maybe sad for awhile. Don't let him come back, unless he agrees to be fully committed. Sometimes you need to walk away from a relationship because they aren't all in it.
 
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dancerxoxo123 said:
Is he wrong for breaking up with me because of this and not just accept me for who I am?
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Most relations ultimately fail simply because of an unfortunate mismatch.
I am speaking from experience.

Both partners need to complement each other, and that sometimes doesn't work either.
 
Sometimes situations are dissappointing and highly distressing even when noone has done anything wrong per se. (Idk all of the details so he may or may not have done anything wrong.)


I don't think you'll necessarily end up alone.
 
@Poppy98
You are very mature in your responses, it's his loss. He lost out on a very authentic connection. Thank you for being a part of our forum. Look forward to hearing from you here.
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
My boyfriend wants to end our relationship and take a break because we don't "mentally connect" and he says I talk at an elementary school level and he told me he wants to find someone who talks more at his level. It's not my fault I talk in an elementary school level because I have a disability that affects my communication such as my autism and borderline intellectual functioning so it’s not something I can change about myself. I don't want to be single for life because of this. Is he wrong for breaking up with me because of this and not just accept me for who I am?
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He did nothing wrong because no one owes you a relationship. If it wasn't working out for him, that's enough of a reason to end the relationship.

Since you stated that a lower level of functioning that is outside of one's control is not a valid reason to avoid a relationship with someone, I have some good news. There are people whose level of functioning, through no fault of their own, is worse than yours (severe intellectual disability, blind, confined to wheelchair, etc.) who are looking for a relationship. You can live in accordance with your values by dating one of them.
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
My boyfriend wants to end our relationship and take a break because we don't "mentally connect" and he says I talk at an elementary school level and he told me he wants to find someone who talks more at his level. It's not my fault I talk in an elementary school level because I have a disability that affects my communication such as my autism and borderline intellectual functioning so it’s not something I can change about myself. I don't want to be single for life because of this. Is he wrong for breaking up with me because of this and not just accept me for who I am?
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I was just reading all the comments on here and I do agree with them. However how that makes you feel is a whole different category. My daughter just had a break up too after living with a guy for 10 years. He broke her heart, he said he thinks he has never loved her and was just using her. She has moved back home now these past two weeks. Trying to be happy isn't the easiest thing to do when you love someone but they don't love you back. Seeing this happen first class is hard to watch. Even though I always thought he wasn't the right guy for her and am glad she is no longer with him. Now that she isn't with him maybe she will find the right guy for her and you will too. You are just perfect the way you are, if he can't handle that then find someone who can. They are out there.
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
Is he wrong for breaking up with me because of this and not just accept me for who I am?
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The short answer, no he's not wrong but he also isn't right. This isn't a right or wrong scenario. It just is unfortunate for you. At the very least he is being honest about why things aren't working. Sadly not all relationships work, most in fact don't. And the only way to know if it will or not is to try.

In this case it sounds like it is clearly over. You can't change who you are, and ultimately, that isn't what this man wants. I'm sorry that this is hard news, but better to find out now than many years down the road when it comes to a boiling point due to unspoken resentment.

Cut your losses and do your best to move forward. And yes, it will hurt and probably feel confusing for a while. Relationships seldom end cleanly in a neat manor.
 
People have the right to be with someone who has the personality traits they do like, whatever they are.

Of course, it hurts if you like someone a lot and they don't like you back, but that is not something that is within our power to change, nor should it be.
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
So he doesn’t accept me for who I am?
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I don't think not wanting a romantic relationship with you means that he doesn't accept you for who you think you are. I think it means nothing more than he simply thinks he'd be happier with someone else. I know I don't want to date everyone that I accept for who they are.
 
dancerxoxo123 said:
So he doesn’t accept me for who I am?
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The end of a relationship can feel like a catastrophic rejection. It can feel like you're not good enough but try not to outsource your self esteem to another person, you don't need his permission to feel good about yourself!
 
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