• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

I'm Bisexuell/ asexual

GamingAdam

GamingAdam

Well-Known Member
I'm bisexuell and I haven't told my mom yet, but I doesne't feel like it's a problem, I honestly feel that I can tell her right now, but that isen't the big problem, the problem is that I'm also asexual against sex,here's the big problem, when my mom speaks of how she's looking forward to when I get kids and how she wanna spoil them and all that, my heart goes in 200,

It's more that concerns me, isen't sex very important for many to build a relationship, my biggest fears is that I will build up some brutal/extreme Paraphilias, what should I do?
 
Last edited:
GamingAdam said:
I'm bisexuell and I haven't told my mom yet, but I doesne't feel like it's a problem, I honestly feel that I can tell her right now, but that isen't the big problem, the problem is that I'm also asexual against sex,here's the big problem, when my mom speaks of how she's looking forward to when I get kids and how she wanna spoil them and all that, my heart goes in 200,

It's more that concerns me, isen't sex very important for many to build a relationship, my biggest fears is that I will build up some brutal/extreme Paraphilias, what should I do?
Click to expand...




Your at a good point in your life, knowing and accepting that being sexually attracted to both boys and girls can be very natural. That's the hard part. Hey it's a good problem, except you have twice as many people to flirt with.
Now if you can realize your mother is more likely going to react to the 'news' with a little more shock, and you are ready for the surprised and confused look, you're half way there to explaining the chance of no grand kids.
One step at a time.
It seems like she did a good job with you.
Taking her feelings into account with this approach, she'll hopefully know she did a good job raising you to make thoughtful decisions.
With regards to being in a relationship, the more you try to figure it out the less likely it will happen. Getting the first couple of relationships the way you want will be close to impossible . Remember Being bi is going to be difficult for your partner to accept. Don't forget the jealousy factor. Put yourself in their place to see how you might feel when told if they haven't gotten the idea already.
 
Well, now, I am a bit confused. Are you bisexual (attracted to both sexes) or asexual (not attracted to either)? Having to explain bisexuality to a potential partner is going to be difficult enough--if someone told me that they were bisexual but interested in me I'd have a few questions about just what they pictured our relationship to be like, in other words, is having to share them with one or more partners part of the deal? Some people are into that, I am not. Now you throw in asexuality which really complicates things. I think that you are going to have a hard time selling that one as most people are not interested in celibate relationships, straight, gay or bi.

I'm also not sure what you mean by brutal and extreme paraphilias--are you saying you might inadvertently end up attracting people with these things? It sounds like before you plunge into relationships of any kind you need to sit down and figure out your identity, because two of the three scenarios you present are rather contradictory--and that may make you a target for predators looking to take advantage of confused young people. You don't say how old you are, so I am assuming from your remarks that you are either a teen or a young adult. If you are a teen, I think you have plenty of time to figure out who you are sexually before you jump into any relationships. I firmly believe that the teen years are best spent getting the educational and living skills foundation needed for adult life and that too much sexual emphasis too early can derail this needed process. In the same vein, it is MUCH too early for your mother to be concerned about you having children. Trust me, I have seen too many "grandmas" worn into weariness taking care of their grandchildren because their children can't or won't take care of them. If your mother were smart, she'd stop hassling you on that topic.
 
Well, I can tell you that I am asexual/aromantic. The hate & lack of understanding of this is WAAAAYYY more than I could handle!!!!
 
Whoa, whoa, whoa, don't lash out at us just because we don't understand. Because I can tell you I have much more understanding of these issues than the average person who is still stuck getting their head around "bi", and I am confused.

This is what I understand these terms to mean:
Bisexual - meaning sexually attracted to both males and females
Asexual - meaning not sexually attracted to either sex, no interest in sex whatsoever
Aromantic - meaning not interested in romance/love/emotion

I think if you will google these three terms you will come up with similar definitions. To be sexually attracted to both sexes yet at the same time be sexually attracted to neither is a contradiction, as I pointed out. You either experience attraction or you don't. Now, if there is ANOTHER definition, one that would allow you to be both, before you start lashing out and calling us haters for lack of understanding, then you need to let people know what you mean when you say you are bisexual, asexual or aromantic, because those of us that are familiar with those terms are most likely going to be familiar with the three definitions I provided above. And they are going to be scratching their heads and saying "huh? so which is it?" So my question is, what do YOU mean by these terms? Are you aware of their meaning, or are you just repeating terms you've heard without really knowing what they are?

This is not a good footing for any kind of relationship if the other person has to play guessing games and say, ok, this person says they are sexually attracted to both sexes, but wait a minute, no they say they are not attracted to either, and now they say they are not interested in romance. So a valid question from their point of view is, what exactly is it that you are looking for in a relationship? It's really not cool to play games with someone who is potentially interested, it wastes their time and yours, and just creates misunderstanding. For the record, I am, or believe very strongly that I am, asexual (meaning not interested in a sexual relationship of any kind), and knowing that about myself, I don't go around trying to attract the sexual attention of other people, just so that I can slap them down when they do respond in that manner. If that makes me a hater, then so be it.
 
Frankly I think we overcomplicate things with all these categories and jargon names and then we get mad because others who are not in the know don't know what we are talking about. It's like one of my classes where the professor went on and on about gendered house/street divide. What that really means in layman's terms is that women stay at home and take care of things there and the men work and party outside of the house. I mean, most people understand that, so why need a fancy term?

But to get back to the original discussion, I do not believe that it is possible to be bisexual and asexual at the same time, although one is free to call oneself whatever they please. I can say that I am a vegan who likes to eat rib-eye steaks but I do not believe for one minute that the vegan community will agree with me as by definition a vegan is someone who does not eat any animal products, period. The minute you throw "rib eye steaks" into the picture, you have disqualified yourself as a vegan. Anyone who went around calling themselves both a vegan and a carnivore would soon be told, there is no such thing and please don't call yourself a vegan who eats meat because vegans don't. It's really very simple. The same goes with sexual categories. The difference is that most people by now know what is the difference between a vegetarian, a vegan, and someone who eats both meat and vegetables.
 
GamingAdam said:
I'm bisexuell and I haven't told my mom yet, but I doesne't feel like it's a problem, I honestly feel that I can tell her right now, but that isen't the big problem, the problem is that I'm also asexual against sex,here's the big problem, when my mom speaks of how she's looking forward to when I get kids and how she wanna spoil them and all that, my heart goes in 200,

It's more that concerns me, isen't sex very important for many to build a relationship, my biggest fears is that I will build up some brutal/extreme Paraphilias, what should I do?
Click to expand...
Adopt kids if you still want them but without the sex.
 
Spinning Compass said:
Frankly I think we overcomplicate things with all these categories and jargon names and then we get mad because others who are not in the know don't know what we are talking about. It's like one of my classes where the professor went on and on about gendered house/street divide. What that really means in layman's terms is that women stay at home and take care of things there and the men work and party outside of the house. I mean, most people understand that, so why need a fancy term?

But to get back to the original discussion, I do not believe that it is possible to be bisexual and asexual at the same time, although one is free to call oneself whatever they please. I can say that I am a vegan who likes to eat rib-eye steaks but I do not believe for one minute that the vegan community will agree with me as by definition a vegan is someone who does not eat any animal products, period. The minute you throw "rib eye steaks" into the picture, you have disqualified yourself as a vegan. Anyone who went around calling themselves both a vegan and a carnivore would soon be told, there is no such thing and please don't call yourself a vegan who eats meat because vegans don't. It's really very simple. The same goes with sexual categories. The difference is that most people by now know what is the difference between a vegetarian, a vegan, and someone who eats both meat and vegetables.
Click to expand...

sorry I was maybe alittle bit unclear, what I meant was I can fall in love with both guys and girls and see myself having the relationship with both guys and girls, but I'm asexual against sex, it doesen't turn me like on to have sex with a other human being, I doesen't feel like I wanna have sex
 
GamingAdam said:
sorry I was maybe alittle bit unclear, what I meant was I can fall in love with both guys and girls and see myself having the relationship with both guys and girls, but I'm asexual against sex, it doesen't turn me like on to have sex with a other human being, I doesen't feel like I wanna have sex
Click to expand...
I think the term in use that would fit you is bi-romantic, not bisexual.

Romantic orientation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
 
Ste11aeres said:
I think the term in use that would fit you is bi-romantic, not bisexual.

Romantic orientation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Click to expand...


Okey I'm really really sorry I used the word bisexual then, I hope I diden't offend anyone tho =/, cause that was really what I meant


I'm sorry this is offtopic, but does that mean you can actually be homosexual and Heteroromantic?

I wanna make myself clear, I don't wanna offend anyone, I'm sorry then, I just woundering
 
Last edited:
I doubt anyone's offended; I'm certainly not.
I did read something once by a guy who was homosexual and heteromantic. Sounded kind of painful.
 
GamingAdam said:
sorry I was maybe alittle bit unclear, what I meant was I can fall in love with both guys and girls and see myself having the relationship with both guys and girls, but I'm asexual against sex, it doesen't turn me like on to have sex with a other human being, I doesen't feel like I wanna have sex
Click to expand...

Having sex with someone can really complicate your life. Keep an open mind. Hey this is what's living is about, besides fast cars and beer and music. Oh yeah sex.....
Was it good for you, and what about him or her? Will this extend the friendship or end it. Maybe it was a one night stand. And by liking both boys and girls is going to be hard for others to understand your intentions.
No wonder you think you are against sex. You probably hope you are asexual, but your not, your BI. So many labels.
The right boy or girl will turn you on, might take a few years for this to happen, but you will know. Being an Aspie you will need to come to grips with the touching or the clingingness that comes with sex.
Being gay in this country is hard enough, and I live in San Francisco, still have to watch your back here. The bell shaped curve applies to bisexual people too. There's lot of you lucky guys out there, you just need to hang with trusting friends to feel comfortable. House of Cards HBO's show is bringing it to the front burner.
 
I even admit that I'm a bisexual Aspie. My family accepts me but doesn't understand me =/ I have lots of people who are judgmental at school. They claim to he nice people but once I hear they're judgmental, I wonder what I got myself in to.
 
GamingAdam said:
Okey I'm really really sorry I used the word bisexual then, I hope I diden't offend anyone tho =/, cause that was really what I meant
Click to expand...

No one is offended - what would the point be of getting offended? Words/terms can be imprecise, but they're all we have until telepathy is invented, so it's important to try and make sure we are using the same ones in the same way; else, we're having a different conversation.

I am curious - I know you aren't seeking sex in a relationship, as that has now been made clear, but what is it that you are seeking from the men and women to whom you are attracted/romantically interested? I am just trying to better understand the foundation of the "problem" attached to your request for advice.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom