I can’t stop ruminating.

[Markness]

This is the result of comparing yourself to other people,
and holding up their experience as a standard by which
to judge yourself.

And the group to which you are comparing yourself
is not a sufficient population sample from which to
derive the concept that your situation is "abnormal."

But how do I stop comparing myself to them?

 

[tree]

There's material in The Guide to Rational Living that
touches on that subject. I think you have a copy of
that book.

 

[Markness]

There's material in The Guide to Rational Living that
touches on that subject. I think you have a copy of
that book.

Yes, I have that book but reading it hasn’t changed my life around. I am still socially isolated and have nothing to show for my efforts in attempting to get out of my rut.

 

[Rodafina]

Yes, I have that book but reading it hasn’t changed my life around. I am still socially isolated and have nothing to show for my efforts in attempting to get out of my rut.

I’ve heard about this book. @Markness, is there anything useful that you’ve learned from it? I’d be curious to hear a bit more about what it is about.

 

[tree]

Yes, I have that book but reading it hasn’t changed my life around. I am still socially isolated and have nothing to show for my efforts in attempting to get out of my rut.

Reading the book doesn't magically change your life.

It's you that does that.
Or could.
If you would apply the concepts in the book.

You haven't finished reading the book.
Plus, one read-through is not likely to be enough for you.
Since, as you have said, you have trouble retaining what you read.

 

[Markness]

I’ve heard about this book. @Markness, is there anything useful that you’ve learned from it? I’d be curious to hear a bit more about what it is about.

I’d have to jog my memory on the book. I picked it back up yesterday and read some more of it until I dozed off on the couch.

 

[Markness]

If the year ends and I still don’t have a girlfriend, does that mean it will always be that way?

 

[tree]

If the year ends and I still don’t have a girlfriend, does that mean it will always be that way?

Would it help if I counted the number of times you've asked this question?

And yet, no answer ever satisfies you.

A perfect example of "rumination" is what that post is.

 

[Markness]

Would it help if I counted the number of times you've asked this question?

And yet, no answer ever satisfies you.

A perfect example of "rumination" is what that post is.

You’ve kept count?

 

[Markness]

Of course not, there's no connection between a year ending and meeting a girlfriend.

I still find it sad when the year ends and I am still lonely. It’s like I am still suffering from a bleeding wound and the treatment for it I can’t access because I can’t afford it.

 

[tree]

You’ve kept count?

Read that again.

Does it say that @tree was keeping score?

 

[Markness]

Read that again.

Does it say that @tree was keeping score?

No, it didn’t. Did you mean you will count the number of times I’ve asked the question and give a total?

 

[tree]

There was some degree of jocularity involved
with my question.

Do you really want a tally of how many times
you refer to the same subject?

That seems like it would be a tiresome clerical
enterprise, on my part.

You could look at your own list of thread topics
and get an estimate for yourself.

 

[Markness]

There was some degree of jocularity involved
with my question.

Do you really want a tally of how many times
you refer to the same subject?

That seems like it would be a tiresome clerical
enterprise, on my part.

You could look at your own list of thread topics
and get an estimate for yourself.

I have a hard time detecting jokes when it comes to text based messages.

 

[Markness]

Is it too late to find a way out of my rut or start over?

 

[tree]

Is it too late to find a way out or my rut or start over?

You have asked that question so many times
and regardless of what people reply, it never
seems to make any difference to you.

You just pop back with it again.

 

[Markness]

You have asked that question so many times
and regardless of what people reply, it never
seems to make any difference to you.

You just pop back with it again.

It’s part of my rumination.

 

[tree]

@Markness

It's good that you are aware you are chewing on the
same cud repeatedly, although there must be some flavor to it
that is reinforcing the behavior.

What are you getting out of it?

 

[Mary Terry]

Dear @Markness:

What did you do yesterday to find a girlfriend?

What will you do today to find a girlfriend?

 

[chincey_james]

Rumination is a natural tendency for me too, but we don't have to believe everything our brains tell us. Sometimes, we overthink life so much that we stop living it. Things like shame and feeling broken are keeping you in a cycle that isn't working anymore. No one can free you from this cycle but yourself.

I had never dated anyone before my partner and felt abnormal too. Guess what though? He said that was one of the most fascinating and cool parts of me. All that time I spent worrying that I was a monster for never having dated anyone? Turns out it was a waste of my precious lifespan.